Showing posts with label hanitizer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hanitizer. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Me, Myself and My Muslim Eid


The Muslim holiday of Eid is almost upon us (this Sunday by most accounts), marking the end of the holy month of Ramadan when Muslims abstain from many things including food and drinks from dawn to sunset. Eid is the day we no longer have to fast and we can feast upon whatever the heart desires. It’s a day where many Muslims get stomach aches from pigging out. I learned this the hard way a few years ago on my first Eid at home after being away for so long. The next day I fell ill due to eating lots of candy, desserts and nuts during my visits with family and friends.

I realize that many of the Muslim countries and communities around the globe have their own rituals to celebrate the day. The biggest winner on this day of celebration are the kids who extort cash and gifts from the adults in the family, most notably their parents. It’s a great day to be a kid as you get to buy pretty much whatever you like and eat all the candy and street food you can find.

I recall not going to sleep on the eve of Eid as the mosques go crazy with their microphone praying and wishing everyone a happy holiday. But that’s not why I would not go to sleep, it’s just that we are excited for this day to come. We would put our new clothes next to our beds and wake up first thing in the AM. We would break into our parents’ bedroom, kiss their hands looking cute and wait for them to give us our cut. This became an issue for many countries, as there would be a shortage of smaller bills and coins because everyone wants change to hand out to people. As kids, the last thing we wanted to hear from our parents was “I will you give you your cash gift once I have change.” Instead we would offer to go break the money for them and we would do just that.

I lived part of my childhood in Dubai, and on the day of the Eid we would wear our new clothes--the ones we bought just a few days prior, and then accompany our parents (mostly our dad) to the mosque. Everyone looked so happy and so shiny on this day, and yes, everyone gets a new pair of shoes, too. Aside from getting cash or (عيدية) from our parents, in Dubai it was common for strangers to offer you gifts, cash and candy on that day. Some would even walk around the rich neighborhood and knock on doors, asking for something. The streets were decorated, and the shops were well stocked with toys and anything that kids like.

At the mosque, complete strangers would shake your hand and give you hugs; people were joyous. I remember being impressed by the Pakistani and African Muslims who would wear their brightly-colored national dresses on this day--something I still see here in the States, too. Afterward, everyone would head home where they would partake of a feast--mostly containing salty food. In Egypt and many Arab countries they would consume Feisikh (grey mullet left out to putrefy, then salted and left to pickle for several months). I was not a fan, but my mom would never know it.

This is the one day when as a kid, you get to go through your wish list and pick out something nice for yourself. Some mothers try to reason with their kids and persuade them to let mommy hold that money for them--not me. I remember in every Arab country boys would buy kites, trucks and swords. But the most popular boy toy was a plastic gun, either water or firecracker. We would organize games where we’d play off against the guys two streets down from our homes. Needless to say, while boys are rolling in the dirt and running around, girls are looking snazzy with those fancy purses and popular dolls. In Dubai, the local politician would have an open house where people would come to meet and greet--they could also pick up a generous gift on their way out.

Most countries release some inmates on this day to have them be with their families, a nice gesture that most Muslim countries do around the holidays. TV would show the best movies and the best music videos all day in the hopes you would get home and watch their ads. Families would also visit with each other and bring sweets and sometimes raw meat.

Eid stops to be fun for boys who are in their early teens, as at that point people start to treat you as a grown man and not give you a cash gift. Lucky for the ladies, they will always get those cash gifts--people are very religious about this. Brothers, fathers, and uncles who are too poor to give out cash gifts still visit their female relatives and strive not to come empty-handed.

At one point when I realized I could no longer receive cash gifts, I figured out another way to make money. I started a toy stand where I would make money selling toys for boys and girls around town. I did well that day, even though I did not get to rest, but the money was worth it and I found a way to be busy on this day.

In Dubai we did not have family, but when we relocated to Gaza, the family came into the picture and we would get more cash gifts--also my dad had to give a lot more than he used to in Dubai. My lovely grandparents were the most generous with us and their gift to us meant a lot more. We liked their teasing and jokes about us--of course we would still kiss their hands and place it on our forehead. A few things make Eid different in Gaza: for starters, there seems to be a truce between the Occupation and the Palestinians on this day. It’s something that most appreciate, though the Israelis have used that day to sneakily abduct or assassinate people whom they do not like. Another thing is the funeral homes, where if a family has seen the passing of a family member it has an open house where people can swing by to visit with those in mourning. At the time, there were not too many places one could go in Gaza for Eid. You could either go to the beach or the Gaza business district and buy a liver and onion sandwich for about 25 cents. Yet somehow, family made all the difference and our days of celebrations were fun filled even in this hot spot. Regardless of where one lives, it’s always good to have a good time.
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Thursday, June 28, 2012

On Culture, Conservatives And Liberals Differ


This is true in most cultures, I find this particularly true in most Arab/Muslim states as well as here in the United states.

Conservatives: ever proud of their own culture, wary or indifferent of other cultures.
Liberals: critical/cynical of their own culture, open to other cultures.

Where I am coming from: the liberal Arabs, tend to speak foreign languages and shame those who don't as uneducated and "do not understand how the world works" This is true in Morocco, Egypt, Lebanon and the Gulf states. I do not think you can get one single resident in Beirut to speak a full phrase in Arabic without using a French or English word. You go to New York and people actual go to watch movies in foreign languages and embrace anything new.

In America, you got New York City/Hollywood where anything goes and all world's cultures intersect. And you have the South, where see nothing wrong in America and point fingers at those who speak in other tongues or embrace things that are un-american. Such voices refuse the teaching of other cultures just like Arizona did when they banned ethnic studies.

Most people are somewhere in between
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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

So Where Does The Middle Go?


In DC, the Arab and the Muslim scene in terms of organizations are either or. You are either white or black, you are either cool hip and down or traditionalist and secluded. What I am trying to get at here is the following, in DC there are two Arab groups or Muslim ones, the one that does drink, party and wear really short dresses. And there are those who are conservative, and thus identify with either conservative groups.

I find myself somewhere in the middle, I do not drink, but I do not like to be identified solely on my religion. Thus, an official Arab organization here in DC might have a dinner, and serve wine and other alcoholic drinks. I do not feel this is me. On the other hand, there are those who band together based on religious identity, those are usually fine if it wasn't for two reasons that tend to keep me away from them.
  1. They are heavily monitored and they tend to be under surveillance more so than any other groups, who needs to feel like a celerity surrounded by government paid paparazzi.
  2. One ideology seems to rule that group and you are assumed to be part of such ideology. Meaning, there's some older person who thinks they can make your decisions for you or judge if your head cover is too bright. Not always, but this has happened in the past.  
I am sure, members of other groups face similar challenge as they are in the middle road. I tend to call myself and others who feel the same way, cynically observant. To me, it means I believe, strongly in what I practice, but I am unwilling to get up in people's faces about what I believe. Further, this means I accept that there might be other people out there who have it right too.    
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Thursday, April 12, 2012

American Food, I Just Cannot Get Used To



There are things that I have come to love about food in America, but there are things I really cannot imagine myself eating--I have tried them and found that no amount of acquired food taste can fix it. For example, many find Jerky meats weird, I do not. Also in Latin America, they think, Root Beer is medicine. I happen to enjoy root beer. Sweet and Sour tastes took m a while to accept and ultimately love. We are foreigners in this land, but Americans will be foreigners somewhere else.

Here are few things I do not like, I just cannot
  1. Peanut Butter
  2. Corn Bread
  3. Zucchini Bread
  4. Pudding
  5. Oatmeal
  6. Pasta and Broccoli (It took years not to hate it)
  7. Fruit Jello (I am bring told this is just a Utah thing)
  8. Cool Aid
  9. Pinto Beans
  10. Corn Dog (I know many Americans eat them when they are too poor, I certainly had my days)
  11. Reese's Peanut Butter cups (I know I will enrage many of you)
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Friday, January 13, 2012

I Would Risk Getting Shot To Eat @ Checkers



I Would Risk Getting Shot To Eat A Checkers Hamburger, this is true. Just do not tell mom or she will get mad.

I am over the McDonald's hamburger phase of my life. Burger King and Wendy's are fine. But no other hamburger gourmet or just fast does the trick for as me does the fresh hamburgers from Checkers. Both their beef and chicken are something to savor. Their food does not taste like a food experiment, it just tastes good.

I am not sure if you know about this chain, I think it's mostly in place where people like NASCAR--Checkers is a sponsor. What I like is the spicy flavor most hamburgers lack. Checkers does not get intimidated by flavor and most people who seek their burgers realize this too.

However, there are only two checkers in the district. Neither of those neighborhoods would be considered safe for pedestrians and people who are not from there. They are both in NE DC, if you know DC, you would stay away from this area unless escorted--it's not that bad. So, most recently, I have teamed up with a friend who is a big fan of their burgers, she would drive Roa and I there. Luckily, my friend is pregnant so she has a super appetite now. Not to forgot their really thick shakes--I love the strawberry.

So last night, we both had a two of 4 burgers and they were still as good as they were years ago. There's no skimping. Fresh onions, pickles with a kick and cheddar cheese to top it.

So, I wish they would open more stores in the district, it's one of DC's best kept secrets. Sure, you still can find them up in Maryland too, but more stores might be in order. After all, this is just a drive through / Walk up to a window place, no dine in option. And by the way my friend is due in March! I am going to hit the checkers as long as she is not going to hit her labor.
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Wednesday, November 02, 2011

18 Signs of Arabic Weddings

  1. Your DJ/Singer is also your Limo driver
  2. Everyone on the invite list has creative ways of describing how they relate to you.
  3. If they are your offspring, then they are fit–everyone one else is either fat or too thin.
  4. How come all the cloth napkins end up on the dance floor?
  5. There can be only one black guy, two Latinas and no Asians.
  6. The only time all Arab men in a 20-mile radius have no five o’clock shadow.
  7. The groom can never be the best-dressed man–all other men try to outshine him.
  8. Arab weddings and nuts go hand in hand. They are your main dish, your dessert and seated to your right.
  9. Everyone finds something to complain about to the bride and the groom during the wedding. No, they do not want to hear about your fad diet.
  10. No tents at this wedding; a UNRWA tent is where my family lived before they found their way to America.
  11. Everyone is a fortuneteller.
  12. Debt is no reason not to have a 10 tier cake that will be cut with a 4 ft. knife, also commonly referred to as a ‘sword’.
  13. Americans have Halloween to channel their inner whores, we get Arab weddings.
  14. Forget Arab lounge dot com–spice up your profile at these events.
  15. Girls have all the fun and guys just stand there looking like they were just handed a detonator for an atomic bomb. Although it’s fun to mention how Arab guys do that dance with the hands up, snapping fingers and then cornering a girl in the middle of the dance floor
  16. Everyone asking for free professional advice. If you are a lawyer, then other guests ask you about immigration. “Doctor, can I show you my rash?” Dentist? They’ll all show you their cavities. Gynecologist? The bathroom is that way. Just make sure the hedges are trimmed
  17. No need for a smoke machine, just ask everyone to please Bring Your Own Hookah (BYOH).
  18. No one fornicates, instead interested parties send their mommies to audit your body at an awfully close range.

[Tarboush Tip: Sana, Kellee]


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Wednesday, April 06, 2011

On Becoming a Gheezer



So, the clock decided to make me 30 years old, i had no choice but to abide by the rules of nature. Gone are my 20s and gone with it the opportunity to tell people, when I grow up I want to be....Now I am supposed to have arrive the point where I am treated as an adult and thus my choices have to reflect just that.

I can still be active and do the running and workout I like to do, but I need to keep in mind, it takes longer now to recover from being hurt---so I need to be careful. I first realized I am getting there when I read some scan I did few month ago, where it read "Healthy for his age!" that stung!

But what do you do? Not only is my father is still alive and doing well, but also my grandpa can still kick my butt as he still farms his plot of land and last I heard the 85 years old man is contemplating a wedding. So, I know the genes are right, I am not too worried, I just need to figure out what I really want to be doing in the next decade becasue that might define the rest of my life. I get 10 more years and then that would be it, becasue I believe at 40 you do not make major decisions anymore....you live with the ones you have been making for the past 4 decades.

Sure you can always do what you want and be who you want to be, but this idea is for American Idol not real life. In real life thing are different. I must say I am excited about the next years and look forward to living it to the fullest--as much as Roa lets me!

People know actually listen to what am saying, for some reason being older means I know what I am talking about. So to me that means I have to chose my words carefully.

In the meantime how were your 30th birthday?
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Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Tamer Hosny Loses in an Epic Fail



Tamer Hosny is the number one selling artist in Egypt and many parts of the Arab world, he is a charismatic and resourceful singer that has been dubbed Nigim Al geel "The Star of the Generation" There was a time when I thought Tamer Hosny’s songs come straight from the heart, deep down from the gut, but now I know for fact that Tamer is full of shit and lots of hot air. Tamer Hosny never believed a word of this song. About growing up in Egypt and taking reading classes, building the Aswan dam, waging the 73 war, and so on. He also sings for the armed forces--the same army he dodged and went to jail for forging armed services documents.He is still upbeat and he the the go to guy if you want to party....but when it comes to taking a stand, do not bother for he is a fool.

Throughout his career sang for the revolution and liberating the land of Sinai, but somehow he was against the ongoing revolution in Egypt. Instead he opted to be a mouthpiece for the rotten regime and its corrupt men. I have news for Tamer, the young men in Tahrir square are true Egyptians who do not want to see Egypt who do not want to see their country become the quick to be dismissed nation-which what this current regime has turned it into. Tamer Hosny did not have to speak out on this if he was too afraid, but he has no right as a citizen to tell other citizens what to do. He made a famous phone call urging the protesters to go home and chill.

Something tells me Tamer does not even care about Egypt; all he cares about is his pocket and how much money in his bank account. He tries too hard and succeeds most of the time to get on the news and act like a big pan Arab leader that’s of course when there isn’t a risk to take. But the moment comes and he has to take a stand, he shies away and goes into hiding. But he is often the first person to release a song about current events. But not this time around. He will go down in history as one of the people who tried to slow down the momentum and spoke ill of it. He sang for Palestine, Tunisia, and Fayrouz (during her most recent legal battle) and he also sang for Alexandria Churches.

Realizing his stupidity and that he missed the boat, Tamer tried to play nice and blame the media for his misinformed ill opinions. The young singer made a 360 degree change and came in support of the protesters in Tahrir square. He says, he was misled by the State media. Like we are stupid enough to believe him Tamer also released a song fallen Egyptian men...he is still for Mubarak though for now. He loves his Hosny, maybe because they share a name. No one mislead you Tamer, your demons have mislead you. You could have watched any news network, you would have known the truth, you lazy fool.

But Tamer is smart, he refuses to be buried by his stupid decisions to suck up to the powers, he circulated a press release in which he claims to have paid one million dollar in penalties for canceling his upcoming first ever US and Canada tour. So that says he wants us to know he is also making sacrifices for Egypt. But this is the oldest trick in the book. Tamer lost the youth and there is song, album or a press release that will manage to bring him back. So he is telling poor people that he gave away a million dollar to be poor just like them.

Things however got interesting on Tuesday night when the singer attempted to go to Tahrir square and was kicked out by the protestors, reports confirm that some even wanted to confront him. He did not get to give his speech, and he failed to connect with the protesters. Watch the video of Tamer crying and pretending to be shaken. While people have the right to change their minds, Tamer was out of line to try to hijack the movement from those who bled for it.


Tamer Hosny shohada2 تامر حسني شهداء 25



Tamer Hosny crying after he got kicked out of Tahrir Square because of his earlier live conference at some TV channel declaring his loyalty to Mubarak "Papa Mubarak" as he called him while crying as well. Love him or hate him, Tamer knows how to inject himself into any story.

تامر حسنى يبكي بعد ما الناس طردته من ميدان التحرير


تامر حسنى فى التحرير 2011 Tamer Hosni kicked out from Tahrir Square, cries like a little girl
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Monday, February 07, 2011

Please Get Mad: Omar Offendum, The Narcicyst, Freeway, Ayah, Amir Sulaiman



Yes, this is rap at its finest, a rap that truly fires you up and makes you want to attend a rally and shout to bring an end of the injustice you see. A number of A list Arab American rappers and musicians came together to bring this beautiful collaboration. The people of Egypt need no attention right now, they've earned the attention of the world and its leaders. What they need is to keep the momentum going, keep the fire within.

That's where I think "#Jan25″ comes to the rescue, reminding us of the date it all started with little attention at first. While most causalities happened on January 28th, "#Jan25" bring it all together with a wonderful video montage of the protests in and around Egypt and the brutality of the very group that is meant to keep the Egyptians safe. This is the day that will be marked in history where the government and its agents have officially lost it and thus lost the war. It's the day that gave value to saying, "I am Egyptian", you can say it now and roar!

What draws me about this song, is more than its high energy, and testosterone charged lyrics, but rather the poetry in both Arabic and English. I have not this done before where Arabic lyrics and English ones complement each other. And both languages deliver a high dose of a well placed rage. This what comes out when you have something bothering you that allows you to channel a limitless warehouse of an emotions.

Two thumps up to Sami Matar, the Palestinian-American composer from Southern California, and The Narcicyst, Omar Offendum, Amir Sulaiman, and vocalist Ayah. While their song is about Egypt, it resonates with the great majority of the Arab world, as the plight is too familiar. Had enough? Are you angry yet?

Omar Offendum, The Narcicyst, Freeway, Ayah, Amir Sulaiman - #Jan25 (Produced by Sami Matar)

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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Plot to Bring Burqa Into the West



Do you guys thinks they will Ban this in France? finally it would be cool to run into someone who wears this on an airplane, people will freak out...and some will be irked enough to report this thing.

It does look like a burqa (burkha, burka or burqua Arabic: برقع ‎ burqu‘ or burqa )

Snazzy Napper Review: Looks Silly, But they say it Works, this is a real product and you can buy it.

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Monday, January 10, 2011

Food Quality vs. Health Care Quality



Have you ever wondered if there is a correlation between a country national cuisine and the quality of that country's health care?

Think about it,
India, great food, not so great hospitals.
China, I would not go to a hospital there.
Arabic food is tasty and awesome, not many people come here form health care.
Mexico, colorful food, only those who are risk averse go for surgery there.

Germany, lame food world class health care.
The Scandinavian countries, not popular food, best overall health care.

The US is somehow the exception, they have the best food (from all over the world) and second to none health care. Which creates a problem in my opinion...you cannot have both great food and good health services...it just does not work out this way.

You cannot let people indulge in great food and do damage to their health and then have them knock on your hos;ital "Please help me live longer" Look at Mississippi for crying out loud, amazing deep fried food world famous, and fattest people in the nation. Do you know any great hospitals down there? I do not. It now makes sense why so many people upset with this health care. In America people have choices to eat their lettuce and eat their deep fried cheese sticks.....they also have access to premier health care.

So here it goes, you can have one but not the other.

P.S. not sure what to make of Italy, good food, but I do not think they are good at running anything right, hospitals are no different. of Course, I would love to add France to the list, but they are always on strike.
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Saturday, January 08, 2011

Hanitizer Man Falls Skating Accident Funny



Have a laugh at my expense. I dropped like a rock.

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Saturday, January 01, 2011

2011 It's Here Already...R U Ready



If your new year resolution includes lose some weight, then you are not a fit person and most likely you will never be. Unless of course you take some drastic measures toward accomplishing this goal. Every year I see the gym get crowded in January, it's often the first two weeks and then those people are back on their couch eating Dorito's and their TV dinner. Instead your next year resolution should be, NOT Going to the gym. At least when you fail showing up to the gym, you have something to celebrate and not feel bad for not meeting your own goals.

Unlike many years, this year I won't work out as much as I have in the past because I made a mistake of historical proportions. I asked the ER doctor that saw me for exercise advise. If you are one of those people who think that exercise is great, then you have never spoke to an ER doctor...they have seen it all.
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Thursday, December 02, 2010

My Sink Leaks


My toilet leaks, not sure what is causing this leak, I think the water is all over the place, the lives and health of my neighborer might be in danger as a result of my toilet leak...The building management said they will investigate. In the meanimte I think I am going to execute my plumber.
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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Now With Jokes

Do not you hate when you get a new product and it says right there on it in bold lines, "NOW With Zantrate", "Now with Sorbitol", "Now with added [fill in the blank]" And you have no idea, absolutely no idea what it,s the company here is bragging about....but somehow you feel it is an upgrade!

Next time, you body lotion will read, "NOW with Hummus", "Now with Tahini, Seaweed"....and I am sure people will pick it up and buy it.....We are just suckers for added new stuff as long as they brag about it...we conclude it must be good for us.


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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

7 Arab Facebook “friends” to Lose

You will disagree with me, but if diplomacy is the continuation of war by other means, then Facebook is the continuation of narcissism. It might as well be the largest waste of time in existence where you are to take a million pictures of yourself or anything and post them on your Facebook. And then comes those annoying notifications commenting on my comment. But I get it, it makes it easier to get in touch with people, connect with old friends, upload dozens of pictures, and do so much more. In the meantime here are 7 types of Arab Facebook friends you might want to lose.

1- The Sheikh,
This person does not believe in pictures, so his profile picture is something of either the dome of the rock, Mecca, or some religious test in nice calligraphy. He always has quotes from religious texts and stories of early Muslims. He/she often comments on your pictures with language that has double meanings, but mostly he/she disapprove of your lifestyle, like the picture of you smoking a hookah. Insists on using religious Arabic phrases in all occasions. He does not belong to any causes or anything political, just pure religion. Heck, they might even use the Muslim lunar calender for kicks. Most people put this person on limited access so they are not in the know. It’s good when there is an ongoing war as they can spread a word of prayer. The Sheikh is the only one in your Facebook friends that won’t wish you a happy birthday because it is Haram. Favorite useless Facebook application: SuperPoke.

2- The Gossip Hub,
Did you see their pictures in Ramallah? I cannot believe she would wear that. That’s how it starts, and next thing you are bashing your cousins and friends. You will later find out that the gossip hub memorized every negative word you said and passed it on to further advance their agenda. Since the gossip hub has an appetite for details, their profile picture is most likely a portrait. Gossip is not a new business, but the social media makes it so easy and so hard to resist as more people allow you to peak into their private lives. Their power comes from having too much time and easy access to unassuming “friends”. Thanks to the new group feature, you can keep them in the dark. Hey, Gawker is hiring. The gossip hub expects the entire world to acknowledge their birthday like it’s a national holiday or something. Can we please stop it with the poking? Why are you poking me every five minutes? You’re now getting on my nerves. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Food Fight”.

3- The “I need a Spouse”
This guy changes his profile picture every five seconds and he is the first to comment on your status update and photos. Maybe he needs a job and not a spouse as no one in their sane mind will put up with their addiction to the Internet. They love to overshare, and often do more damage to themselves than good: I do not need to know the burrito you had for lunch was your one way ticket to the bathroom. No, we do not have an inside joke. Girls also qualify under this group, but they are smarter, they know everything, but they rarely engage in commentary out of fear being perceived as overexposed. She will constantly whine about being stalked and she is not a stranger to tongue typos. Maybe the guy and the girl in this category should change their status to “in a relationship” instead of “it’s complicated” which is a rather accurate description of their mental status. But not to sweat it, you are in the right place, this is a place where desperate people share a bunch of pointless info about their lives. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Fortune Cookie”.

4- The News Junkie,
The Provoker, this person does not even have any friends in real life, but somehow he/she has 2000 virtual friends as they view it as an online popularity contest. Since the News junkie knows better than to post scandalous photos, avoids scandals their profile picture is fare and away style. They are also good as they update you on world news that you care about, I swear they beat the Huffington Post to the story. Aside from political stuff, they can be a good authority on Facebook sweet deals and promotional coupons. They are unafraid to get in pissing matches over analysis of news and their ill-informed opinion. They can be the activist kind which means they push you to add Code Pink as a friend. They have started more groups than Donald Trump has suites. Most likely to commit a Facebook abortion when they say something deeply controversial promoting a wave of de-friending. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “X-Me”.

5- The Editor,
The word you meant to use is “effect” not “affect”. Your love of Facebook is unconditional as only lonely and awkward losers such as yourself can pretend to have a life. They are under-educated and out to prove themselves, or they are too old to understand the various online acronyms. The Up Close and Impersonal is their style of profile picture as they always get up in your face. The editor will have swollen fingers or worse, they may have carpel tunnel syndrome. WTF! The universe works in mysterious ways. I guess Facebook is pretty rad, until you learn the majority of your “Friends” won’t write on your wall, or comment on your photos. In fact, most of your acquaintances have Facebook Alzheimer’s when it comes to remembering you from real life. You will respond to their negligence by viewing their photos and commenting on them just to be a buzz kill. Facebook is like Harley Davidson, it makes life more interesting and it gives the the illusion of fun, nothing wrong with little lies. Next time do not poke me, and if you do I have a Punch Me application and you are on top of my list. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Are You Interested???”

6- The Baby Maker,
“Is the baby on your Facebook profile number 1 or number 2?” People here think they are too mature to post their real pictures so they try to make themselves look cool by belonging to some random inside joke groups proclaiming how they hate Starbucks or how they are part of Team Coco. Which is very appropriate as Coco is the universal word for crazy. They do not care for privacy as in real life they have too much of it. The drama comes when they post a new quote they just uttered thinking it’s funny only to be shamed into taking it out because it’s sexist, racists or homophobic. Why are you letting your kids eat that junk food and updating your status instead? And God forbid you ask them for a picture of their new born baby, “it’s on Facebook”, like they cannot be bothered to attach them to an email. Needless to say, their baby pictures got picked by a marketing company and now their baby has a giant poster selling diapers in China. Get over it you are getting old, go bowling and wear matching shirts with other couples. Favorite application is: “Make a Baby”

7- The Facebook Martyr,
They are the first to tell you they got screwed by Facebook, they hate it and they cannot stop complaining about their privacy. Creepy stalkers are after you, Facebook tells your friends you like chick flicks, your boss is watching you, the FBI has access to your account. But still, you are on Facebook posting the picture from the last party you went to. Profile picture would be either if some pop culture reference or a toast picture. Facebook is like the new mafia once you are in you can never leave alive, it’s impossible to delete the account, but stop trying to act like you fear for your privacy and personal safety. Nobody cares and you are not doing yourself any favors either. Everyone knows people here attempted a Facebook suicide, only to return few weeks later as it turn out they do not have a real life. Favorite application is: “My Fairyland”

[Tarboush Tip: Peppermint Patty]

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Friday, August 13, 2010

Relative of the Month

Abood is my nephew, he is one of my favorite nephews, born few weeks after the Israel Gaza offensive and he has developed an extra sensitive lungs so anything gets him sick and he spends plenty of time in the local hospital. I think as he gets older his condition improve. I got to know him and spend plenty of time with him when I was in Gaza as I think he is the first grandchild that looks like my father....Yes he is a mini version of my dad.

Even thought his dad is not from our family or extend one, my sister genes managed to get a copy of our father. So you can imagine how much fun we have with this guy.

I spent a long time with this kid as he eventually started thinking I am his father...it was both funny and wonderful as I was about the only uncle who can make him laugh when I want too, and he smiles and races to me when he sees me enter their home. So here is Abood eating an ice creem on a hot Summer day.

I want to thank his mom for buying a new camera phone so she can take better pictures of him and share them with me.
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Monday, May 10, 2010

Facebook Free



As a proud Facebook holdout, I was thrilled to hear about the privacy meltdown at this popular social networking website. the same freinds who have been telling me, "Dude, you need to be on Facebook" are still telling me to do just that, but in a quite voice as they themselves have been worried about their privacy.

I was reading this great list put together by Gizmodo that gives you 10 reasons to abandon this site. This list is not the only one telling you to leave this popular site, but it is the most solid list one of them all as those guys seem to know what they are talking about where they have done some research of the downsides of the network. you can read it here

4. Facebook is not technically competent enough to be trusted

Even if we weren't talking about ethical issues here, I can't trust Facebook's technical competence to make sure my data isn't hijacked. For example, their recent introduction of their "Like" button makes it rather easy for spammers to gain access to my feed and spam my social network. Or how about this gem for harvesting profile data? These are just the latest of a series of Keystone Kops mistakes, such as accidentally making users' profiles completely public, or the cross-site scripting hole that took them over two weeks to fix. They either don't care too much about your privacy or don't really have very good engineers, or perhaps both.

I know you love your Facebook, there are many good things that come out of it....I do not deny that. There is also the fact that you are unable to take your network with you. But as someone who has never got into the Facebook business, I am glad to keep it that way. I also read that potential employers can pay to get your Facebook profile to see what kind of goof you are.

When I first heard about Facebook I think it was 2005/2006 back at BYU, when my friends where asking me if I am on it, I said no and that was a normal answer back then, not too many people had an account there. But then few people I particularity liked wanted me to join, I almost did in Summer of 2007, but then the Shiz hit the fan in Gaza and the takeover of Gaza preoccupied me. All of a sudden the people I loved and almost got me into Facebook are no longer my friends so I was like, "it would have been awkward"

I do not have anything to hide, but I do not feel like let me guard down and I do not like people snooping around into my private life. Yes, I do have this blog, but this is the Hantizer blog.



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Friday, April 02, 2010

11 Types of People You Meet in Hookah Lounges

11 Types of People You Meet in Hookah Lounges

1. The Kid From Dearborn
If we label him as obnoxious, he may sue us for defamation, since suing people his full-time job. Then, he’ll sue the shisha place for not doing it like they do in balad al-Dearborn, or Dearbornistan as the right-wingers call it.

The trouble with the kid from Dearborn is that he/she is never satisfied with anyone else preparing a Hookah for them, unless it is a non-Arab, then it is an opportunity to flaunt their Hookah credentials with a free lecture.

He will tell you about how the hookah places in Dearborn are better, with stadium-style seating, movie projection screens, and live performances by Dearborn’s version of George Wassouf (coke and all).

He’ll ask the servers if they offer carved pineapples or watermelons for the sheesha heads, or if they have the new bab ghanoush-flavored tobacco. Then, he’ll roll his eyes when they ask “what?”

Starbuzz is his brand of choice, bro. And he thinks self-starting charcoal is for chumps (he’s right).

2. The Curious White Chick
“Is that, like, a bong from India?” These girls are eager to experience new things and taste different cultures, which is why Arab men go for them, if you know what I mean. She does not have interest in the Middle East, but rather there are a lot of Arab guys where she grew up or went to school, so it is natural to develop a curiosity. Plus she thinks it will help her feel “ethnic.”

“Is this illegal?” and “Am I going to regret this?” are signature questions. She bugs you by insisting on using her own plastic protector tube, thereby messing up the flow. Get it over with and hand her the “double apple” flavor so she can go experiment with Thai food, kabbalah and lesbianism.

The presence of white chicks gives many Arab men a temporary feeling of having a safety net and false indication that we are the new blacks, the forbidden fruit white chicks use for revenge against daddy.

Giveaway sign: when Amr Diab starts playing, they get up and dance dirty with their girlfriends.

3. The Latino Hookah Preparer
They say immigrants do the work other Americans don’t want to do. In general, Americans don’t want to work. And Arab-Americans are the same.

Just as Latino labor is key to the service sector, in places where Arab immigration is scant, Latinos run the local hookah lounge. They took over preparing the sheesha and bringing you fresh coal to keep it like going like an Egyptian train.

While some might find interesting forms of cultural hybridity here, especially as the workers learn Arabic from the management, there are some negatives. First, they are probably poorly compensated since their status is likely not legal. And Arabs care less.

Second, tension comes with the few Arab customers who are out of things to be proud of. On more than one occasion, Arabs, like the Dearborn kid, lecture the underpaid employees on how to make a better hookah. Thus the employee develops a passive-aggressive approach that makes him/her debate between punching your face or smiling at it.

4. The Redneck
Although he feels a bit gay puffing on a phallic pipe, he’s thrilled to be behind enemy lines. He met Al, his one Arabic buddy, in world history class and now he is joining his new friend for a taste of the Orient.

Growing up in small town in the south comes with a lot of liabilities, like not knowing much about the world.

On 9-18, he was throwing eggs at a muhajibah, so he’s a bit shocked he ended up in the lounge. he should have listened to his uncle Todd who warned him about the liberal professors from his community college brainwashing him. Uncle Todd later mocks him for smoking the “hubbly bubbily.”

Surrounded by 10 other Arab men, it would be hard to decline the offer to smoke. This is a one-time experience, it won’t likely be repeated as Al makes less weird friends.

5. The FBI Informant

He’s the coolest, slickest guy in the lounge, the smoothest operator, and very outgoing. He’s also an FBI informant who gets a nice check from the government for the intel he picks up from the cafe — which is like none, except that he is great at telling the Feds what they want to hear. They think the “Oasis Hookah Palace” is the Tora Bora of Southern California.

He is commissioned to eavesdrop on all conversations and screen all patrons for possible threats, instead he just picks up names and details from the Hollywood terrorism flicks like ‘The Siege,’ ‘Body of Lies’ and ‘Syriana.’ He occasionally takes a picture of a few patrons with his cell phone as he pretends to be text messaging.

While the government’s money is decent, he is doing it in exchange for a reduced sentence on a tax fraud scheme he was into with his cousin.

You’ll know when you meet him because he’ll add you as a friend on Facebook within minutes of meeting you.

6. The Student Who Spent a Semester Morocco
Nearly every sentence begins, “In Morocco…” It could be set off
by the most trivial reminder. The waiter’s named “Mohammad,” and this type tells you about the King of Morocco.

Sure, he or she misses kicking back and doing nothing all day except talking while sipping mint tea and smoking grape-flavored argeelah. And they are comforted by the fact that they won’t wake up with the runs this time.

To show off his hookah skills, he brings his date there, thinking this is America, the same creepy taboos overseas won’t apply. To his surprise, for every woman, including his date, there is probably more than 10 horny dudes leering at her through the clouds of smoke.

7. The Bored and Boring Middle-Aged Guy
This is the older Arab man who was married in the old country and is now divorced with not much to do but smoke his Hookah and fly solo. Or he may be married, but no one has ever seen the wife as proof. And apparently he only eats hummous.

This guy has his own official corner. It’s like Mustafa’s freaking office. He sits there all day every day. He checks out everyone walking into the lounge and stares at them, only taking occasional breaks to pee, talk really loudly on his cell phone, get charcoal himself, or play tarneeb or backgammon with other regulars.

He is not nostalgic for the bad old days, but the present really sucks. The only thing going for him is that he has as much authority as the hookah preparers do in his smoky little kingdom.

8. The Sheesha Tyrant
He is the cousin of the owner. It’s like being the son of the President/King/Col. Qaddafi in the Arab world. In other words, his familial link entitles him to act like he owns the place, so he bosses the staff and picks fights with the guys from the Gulf who treat the place like they could buy it (they could).

His cousin who owns the place hates this guy, but cannot kick him out because he owes his Dad money and may be interested in marrying his sister. He, of course, recognizes the power imbalance. So after he closes up the gas station, he brings all his loser buddies to smoke their favorite Hookah flavor and, if feeling naughty, have a non-alcoholic beer, play a round of obnoxious tarneeb, and get into a fight with other customers.

He is the Latino Hookah Preparer’s worst nightmare (behind immigration raids and Lou Dobbs).

9. The Hookah Etiquette Nazi
You know yourself. More often than not you hail from Lebanon where everything has to be done just right, from shawarma to political assassinations.

So when a Hookah comrade hands you the wrong end of the hookah you get offended and insist that they hand it to you the proper way so as not to make it look your comrade is telling you to screw yourself. I am sorry, I do not get this one, I am a Palestinian, and we are used to getting screwed by our friends.

Warning: If the sheesha is dirty, not airtight, there are too many holes in the tin foil, or the tobacco is packed too tight, a psychodrama ensues, followed by the single greatest Lebanese contribution to the Arab world: a rich sequence of highly decorative and colorful cursing (at and about the sheesha, the preparer, and his family, particularly his female relatives).

You can spot this guy easily. He’s the one who removes the head and blows the dust and smoke through the holes in the tin foil after it has been burning a while. They also blow the most perfect rings, sometimes followed by a smoke arrow through the middle then their name in Arabic.

10. The African American Who Likes Them Pillows

“I gotta get me one of these.” Like African-Americans, Arabs can be ghettofabulous with our furniture and decor. So the sheesha lounge can feel like home.

Many African-Americans don’t know that most Arabs live in Africa (most Arabs don’t know that either). Most don’t care. What they do care about is if you can smoke marijuana through the sheesha. You can. But it is less efficient than the traditional ways. Non-blacks, sharing that tidbit can win you street cred.

I hear so many African-Americans mention Egypt and Morocco as key places they want to travel. You never meet a black guy who wants to visit Syria for some reason, and definitely not Iraq.

The non-ratty hookah lounges provide a nice relaxing environment—the Arabic pillows at these lounges prove it. Puffing on a water pipe may be relaxing, but to my black friends, do not rest your feet on the soft cushion. It is a sign of disrespect. It’s the Arab equivalent of messing with a black guy’s radio (I learned so much from ‘Rush Hour’).

Another word of advice: Drop couple of non-offensive Arabic words, you will probably get a complimentary tea.

11. The Overdressed Gulfie Kids

The waiters love them for their generous tips, but unfortunately this sentiment is not shared with the rest of the lounge’s patrons. They hit on anything that moves, whether or not they are there with someone else.

They are dressed in the best brands, but that does not mean they necessarily have style. And they show off the Beamer in the parking lot, often sitting around the car waiting for girls to walk by.

No matter how old they get, they always act like teenagers on a prom date, or better yet, the ones who go without a date.

They cannot outsmoke the Dearborn kid, but are pretty hard core smokers. The upside? They always know what they want. The downside? They always fight over who gets to flip the bill.

[Tarboush Tip: Yousef, Will, Lyndsay]

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