Before Now
It is not easy to be a Palestinian Refugee; it is more of full time job of always have to be on the spot. People will ask you questions ranging from “What do u think of
I have never thought of something bad about
I write these pages to share my feelings and thoughts about
To my parents who have inspired and comfort me
To my teachers in
To Raehanna who has showed me the other side of heaven….
Chapter 2
My story with
It was late December 1999, I was a full-time student in
Aoni asked me to have my dad give him a call and approve the idea by giving his blessings (it is important back home to get the green light from your parents) So I head home and go to the mosque, it was time for the second prayer of the day. When I walked out of the mosque, I ran into my dad coming home for lunch and a quick nap before he goes back to his second job. I rush into him and tell him this, “Guess what dad, I am going to
After submitting my certificates and documents to Aoni who in turn gave them to another Palestinian guy who lives in Southern Gaza City in a small, classy refuge camp when I say classy, Ii mean that you only have 10 families’ neighborhoods. His name is Adnan and he was sort of the middleman. Adnan called me and asked me to come with him and the Americans next week that would be early January. I had a mixed feelings about this appointment, I was happy on one side because I will be going to the
Anyways, I met with the Americans and Adnan on an afternoon, and it wasn’t hard to spot them (two white boys and dark guy) I was introduced to Professor R.J. Snow and Professor Green, both late 40s 50s Both of them are instructors in Brigham Young university, Provo, Utah. Both of them as well were directing the university’s study abroad program in Jerusalem, Brigham Young University owns one of the nicest buildings in Eastern Jerusalem, a place that proofed to be a place where both Palestinians, Israelis and Americans work together and make things happen peacefully. I was pleased to meet all of them, and I was trying to examine their behavior and know what they are like, since that was my first one-on-one or face-to-face encounter with Americans. I felt that they were trying to be formal, laugh at my weird jokes and try to seem interested. At that pont, I did not know anything about
We ended up driving in
These was others who competed on the scholarship, and all of them had flowery and great school performance (one of them has the whole Koran memorized, a book by the size of the New Testament can you imagine that!” Perhaps the thing that distinguished me from the others is the fact that I was comfortable and confident with speaking English all the time without asking about words in Arabic unlike the other guys. I was also outgoing and acted like an interesting person, I even invited the professors to come to my town and enjoy fresh strawberries from the various farms in my town (I come from the Idaho of the Gaza Strip) The professors welcomed the idea for some other time or some other visit.
3 months later, Adnan called and asked me to come meet with some other BYU people who want to meet with me. This meeting was casual and all about screening, although, the interview was videotaped (after my permission off course!) I did not think it was to make decisions, I was intervened by Brian Barber, who is a psychology professor was conducting research on the impact of Intifada on the Palestinian children. It was another great opportunity to learn and meet some more Americans, it was like an American going to meet some alien species just dropped from outer space like in Men in Black.
I was asked to take the TOEFL( Test of English as a Foreign Language) to proof that my linguistic abilities would be appropriate to study in an American university. I ended up going got the AmidEast center in
Late February, on the day of the test, I woke up at 4 in the morning to make my tip of the century, going to a place I have always saw on TV, but never managed to see,
I entered the test room, it was a nice large room full of computers and other machines as well, and many other test-takers were struggling while trying to answer their tests. The test was about three hours long and I confess that it was hard and challenging, but my prior training and preparation helped a bit. When I answered the last question of the test, I was sick already, it was 1 PM and I was so tiered of my trip on the bus that I did not care at that point about anything. So right before I log off the exam a question popped on the screen… Do You Want to Save your Exam or Cancel it? I did not why would they want to ask me this question, I thought it was a joke or something, so I clicked cancel. I get out of the room to ask the lady about my score, she asked me to wait and then tell me that I HAVE NO SCORE! I asked why? She answered YOU HAVE JUST CANCELED IT!!!
How would anyone feel at this point? I ma not sure, I felt like beating myself up, I felt like crap, I almost had a breakdown. I did try to keep it cool and hold myself together because people in the West Bank and
I called my family and told them that I did fine, but the test was hard (trying to smooth things up) and now I had to figure what to tell R.J. Snow and that was the hardest part. I had one of those internal conflicts and I was tempted to tell him the truth, but for some reason, I did not. I just told him that I was not granted a permission to enter Jerusalem, he believed me, but later he found out that I was not telling the truth (I know, I feel sorry) Later on, Adnan (the Middleman) called me and he was mad because they have found out accidentally about my lie by calling the center and trying to schdual another appoint when I can take the test. The ones were helping me with the scholarship were very considerate and laid back. For example, I would call them at
At that point I lost any hope of coming to
Mid March 2000, I was scheduled to go with a grouped of young Palestinians on a visit to
Norway was my first encounter with the Western world, it was a great vacation, we learned many things including some Norwegian words, it was fun to be introduced to many Western places, like bars, although I have never drank in my life, it was fun to be around. We enjoyed staying with Norwegian families, they were warm and their hospitality amazed me. I was shocked by how shattered the Norwegian family is, as a Middle Eastern and a Muslim, family stands as an important pillar of life. Another thing that stroke me, was that the people were all about privacy and having they personal bubble around the (unless they are making out or being affectionate with each other!)
Another interesting social practice that was new to me is PDAs or Public Display of Affection. I loved
Mid June 2000, I was getting ready to start my summer term in college and the whether was warm enough that you would want to go to the beach every day (the beach is one of the few entertainment outlets for people in Gaza) My brother told me that some guy from the DHL office and informed us that there is a parcel waiting for me to pick it up. I was not too excited to go and pick up the parcel because I was positive that it would have the papers and documents that I have submitted earlier to
The Honor Code a different story,
When my mom heard about all of this she was excited and so is the rest of my family, my mom was so happy that now share has something to brag about among her sisters and brothers in law. My dad was worried because I was his right hand at the store and I am his greatest aid as he refers to me. On the other hand, he was happy because he won’t need to worry about paying my tuitions and stuff. Few days later my mom approached me with a crazy idea which was asking me to stay and forget about
Overall, everything seemed to be working in order and I just need to go to the American embassy in Tel Aviv to get my visa so I can come to Uncle Sam’s land. I was lucky enough not to be rejected to be given the permission to enter Israel (that is when friends indeed are friends in need) I went in the bus and asked some Palestinian worker to show me the way to the embassy and he did.
Late June 2000, I arrived to the American embassy at about 8:00 AM and there was a huge line of people waiting to process their applications and take care of their own businesses. There was a variety of people; Arabs, Jews, Orthodox Jews, Asians and more. I was amazed with the level of security the building has, other than security guards all over the place, tens of cameras are placed about everywhere you can think of. A big sign caught my attention the sign says this, “Due to the hostile environment in the Gaza Strip and the
I got through the lines by 12:00 and I handed my papers to the clerk who asked me to come back in 2 hours for screening interview inside the embassy’s building. I do not know if you know this, but the American embassy in Tel Aviv is located on a nice Mediterranean beach in a really nice area.
I was getting hungry and the weather t\was hot and I still have two hours to wait. I walked cross the street, there was a café where I grabbed a meat sub with a coke and just \finished the whole thing, I even did not know and did not care if the meat was pork (Muslims abstain from eating pork), I was too hungry and to scared to ask.
I returned to the embassy and my name was called, they gather us, a group of people and lead inside the building, the building now reminds of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I was seated until I heard my name again, then I walked to the window and the clerk commented on my shirt “Nice T-shirt” I replied “Uh… Thank you” My T-shirt had the Norwegian flag, I bought it back in A\Oslo three months ago during my visit on March. The clerk nicely asked me why I was wearing the T-shirt? I told him about me visit and all that. He told me that he is originally from there, I liked that, so I started busting out my little Norwegian on the guy, he smiled. He asked my few questions about my purpose of the visit and my political opinions and then he granted me the Visa. One of the questions he asked was “Are you a religious person? Because the school you are going to be attending is a religious one.” That was a hard question to answer because either ways, I might get accused of either being a cheater and chancy person or accused of being a religious fundamentalist, which I could not afford. I told him, I am not a religious person but I believe in some sort of God and do what I can to serve and please my God.” I was so happy to hold it in my hands, like a mother who has just received her first-born baby. It was awesome to have this paper in my hands because it gave me hope after all. Anything at that point would be good because I wanted to leave my home, everything was going down and the peace process was slowing down, people getting sick of it and Clinton was about to leave office. There is something about
I got home that day after scoring a homerun, I was too excited to sleep and I was too tired to stay up. Only now I can start preparing for my trip to this unknown land, it would be a very interesting trip that it will take me a lot of preparation. It is funny because if anyone have asked me to point to them where Utah was on the map, I would not have been able to because simply Utah is not a state that has mention even after coming here, I have noticed that many Americans know two only things about Utah, there are Mormons and there is the Jazz basketball team. I was only able to tell where
I started getting ready for the journey by shopping around for clothes and hygiene stuff and I liked that, but now having lived in
My last Night at Home before America
August 17th 2001, this day will stay in my memory forever because I was given virtually anything I asked for, money food (my mom prepared a number of my favorite dishes) Lots of people that I know and I do not know showed up to see me off. Since I have a big family and have a large number of friends, we did not have enough room in the house, so we moved the party upstairs to the roof where we have a larger space. My mom was having a hard time because she just could not imagine her son going away from her too the other side of the world. Going to a place that could be morally corrupting and financially disturbing.
At that night we stayed up all night together chatting and eating snacks, a lot of my best friends and family had a sleep over. I spent the night talking to my unlimited number of nephews and nieces, it was always fun to be around them and play around with them. I was trying to cheer my mom up by messing with her and sharing stupid jokes, she kept asking me to come and visit them every year, which I promised.
August 18th, 2001, they day my flight take off at 9 PM from Tel-Aviv International Airport, but due to the security, the complications and length of the trip, I had to be in the airport much earlier.
I ate a good breakfast with my family, my dad decided to go to work earlier because as he said he “cannot handle emotional moments very well”, so he would have to go away.” We hugged and kissed on the cheek, gave me some money, and said goodbye. I went the nearest mosque to pray and get spiritually ready for my journey. Then I walked home with my little nephew Ahmed and my ride was about to come so I said bye to everyone of my family and some of them were in tears. It was hard to let go, but it was
At erez, I had to go through security and search, it was not that bad until the Israeli solider opened my handbag and found few tapes cassettes, he got all pissed and asked me to throw those away because they represent danger on
We drove together till the Airport, it took about 30 minutes and there we had to go through a more intense security search right at the airport gates. After getting my personal Israeli attaché, I was able to go through the airport and my bags were gently and skillfully hand-searched, I was given a hard time for having brought a personal electronic dictionary, they told me it was dangerous to have these things, but I insisted on having it back and I got it back. After all the search and security procedures were done, I was lead to the terminal and the gate where my airplanes takes off and there I met with a number of other Palestinians who are going to the US on the same flight, non of them was from Gaza and none of them was going anywhere West of the Mississippi but for two guys, one was going to Ohio and the other was going to Salt Lake City, Utah.
For the guy who was going to
August 19, 2001, Finally we got to
The flight lasted about fours hours and the weather was cloudy, it took the pilot several attempts to land the airplane because there was a snow storm approaching. After landing, I was so glad to get to
Jeff Tanner drove, he had a big and strong American car, I think it was a GMC van, I was impressed with the size and the engine power the car had. While we were on the highway from
Eventually, I was driven to my apartment in the student doors known as “
We got to Adnan’s house around midnight and his wife was kind enough to have prepared dinner for us, at that point I was very hungry, we chatted and enjoyed our dinner. Then I was offered my own room to sleep in, although it was nice to have all the room by myself, but I did not really like it because I was thinking all night long about my new life style and my unknown future. I felt like I was just resurrected it in a new place, a place too nice to be true, I was so glad that I managed to get out of the box, Gaza, I mean.
In the morning, it was a Sunday and always members of the
When we got back to the dorms, another American thing impressed me, this time it was the vending machines with tons of food inside them. I loved the fact that you can just swipe a card and get what one feel like eating. I did not know that this food was in these machines are just junk food, but what do you know? I just kept going back and fourth to these machines. The coin-operated laundry was a whole new adventure; I have always had my clothes clean because of my mom’s magic. Now I had to be a changed man and watch and learn how to do things sine I will be on my own for a long period of time. Now it was the time that I needed to stand up for my responsibilities and mind my own business. And it was not an easy task.
The next item on my agenda was to take care of my paper work with the university and get my things going. Having taken care of all that, I now needed to go buy few things like a pillow and abed sheet and hangers, we went to shopko and took care of that, but getting used to American money was league of its own because I did not know the value of the money I was holding, until Adnan had to step in and clear things up. I was worried when I start noticing that almost everyone I encounter looks at me and smiles. I though there was something wrong with me because these people cannot be just smiling out of the blue were laughing at me because of something I have done or the way I dress Later, I found out that these people are just happy people like to spread the cheer around just like Santa.
The other side of the coin
It might look that I am having a good time living my new life and getting the most by choosing the best options, which was true most of the time. I even remember that the second day I called my family and telling them that I will never come back to
Although nothing went wrong with me; all people I came cross were nice and happy people, I felt that there was something else missing. I felt like if I was confined in a big room with no one other than me, I scream and no one comes to help me. It was a horrible feeling because one feels like a flower has been removed from its original land where it grew and where it stays in harmony. I remember I would want to talk around the buildings in the dorms and hate everything around me; I would break in tears if I thought about not being able to see my family for a long time. I ran to Adnan and explained to him I was feeling, he told me not to worry and he told me I am just feeling homesick, experiencing a cultural shock or a bit of both.
That how was my first week in
A week later, school started and I started attending English classes in the English Language center with a big number of International Students dominated by a large number of Hispanic students who I fall in love with. My teachers at the center were great; they were very patient and accommodating to all my noisy comments and questions
In the center I was able to improve many skills other than my skills in English, I mean reading, writing, grammar and conversation. I was also able to learn a lot of common English phrases like “Don’t be a chicken”, “we are in the same boat”, and “History repeats itself “
I spent twos semesters in the
In the center I made tons of friends and people that I liked, most people in the ELC were lost and unsure about the future so I felt that I fit in. We had done so many fun things together in groups; dances, parties, social ant cultural activates which eventually got me interested in the Latin American region so I studies Spanish for that purpose. Another reason I liked Hispanic people is because they had so many questions about my country since a lot of them have some sort of Arabic blood in them, so they know most popular Arab dishes like flafel and tabouli. I had the opportunity of learning and influencing my Latin friends in the
A funny sory pops to my head whenever I think of Hispanic culture and Spanish. There are enormous times that I have been spoken into with Spanish because my complexions to some extents are Latin looking. Both Americans and Hispanics have approached me speaking Spanish to me asking for help or directions. The story goes like this. I decided to obtain a driving license from the state of
Going back to our initial topic So the English Language center kept me busy with homework and I kept my roommates busy asking them questions and having them proofread my work. I did not think that they had any reason to like me, I have always had questions for them and there were always there helping me with patience. I finally, passed the TOEFL exam and did ok, I was happy to finish with this nightmare because only now I can be a full-time student at
Spring 2001 was when I started attending classes on campus with Americans for the first time. And it was a different experience. For the first time in my life I would have to compete with other students who are using their native language. I have always been a good student and I could not afford not being one here. I did not think it was too hard to do well in my classes; I just needed to put extra time and squeeze my memory. I finished me first semester in BYU with an average of 3.45 and that was a great record for me because since that moment and my GPA has been rising. I promised myself to always go the extra mile and not to worry about other things besides studying. Furthermore, I also made sure that every weekend I have a good time by doing something interesting and if I could not for a good reason, I would use the reward system where I promise myself to do something fun the next time I have chance if I just finish the job on time.
Working in the
Gabriel, a student from
Working in kitchens was hard some times especially during the Holy month of Ramadan when I had to work early in the morning and sometimes I am asked to prepare pork chops, fry Canadian bacon or roast some ham and none of these items, items that I personally consume for religious reasons.
Summer 2001 I met some students who study Arabic and got familiar with most of their names, I was invited to attend their class and join some of their social activities and I was always there because it was a small group of gifted students who have always been looking for challenges in life among which Arabic was a challenge. Stacy Sharp was the teacher in charge of the class she was a good friend because she used to teach English as a Second language so that’s how I knew her. The reason I am mentioning the story here is because Stacy recommended me for an open position in the Near Eastern Studies department who needed Arabic Teaching Assistant. Later I was given the job on September the same year 2001. I started with 10 $ an hour which was a too good of a deal to be turned down. My job was to attend class with the professor, collect homework, grade and record them and conduct speaking sessions with the students. That was when I started liking my job and starting it seriously. Less than two weeks later, September 11th happened and since then the number of students interested in learning the Arabic language has doubled and tripled.
Throughout my three years of helping with teaching Arabic, I have me t a large number of students with different political backgrounds and opinions and most of them have one thing in common; they want to understand the
Simply, I think that
In fact I envy
Due to this fact, I think Americans and others are trapped in a circle of guilt toward the Jewish cause. I have always said when the problems come to the
Europeans and others have managed to escape the feeling of guilt and reactive feeling, they stood up and rose to the challenge. In my opinion, they seem to be more willing to see all sides of the conflict and fairly engage themselves in the conflict trying to help both sides. Palestinians have more faith and hope working with the Europeans who tend to be balanced and generous with the Palestinians.
There are other sides to the conflict, as some of you know, Israel was not established on a frontier, there were an existing and function people and culture in that part of the world. Not everyone in the
Here I will include two versions of the stories I have heard regarding the Middle Eastern Conflict. The first version of the story is told in
The American version:
“Moses was promised this land to the Children of Israel and it is for them and their generations, but although they managed to stay in the
And Now let’s have a look at the version that I am most familiar with, try to compare both and see what makes sense and what does not.
“The Ottomans- as an Islamic authority in the land ruled
This is the voice of a frustrated Palestinian refugee that has lived during WWI, WWII, War of 48, War 1967, War 1973, and still living now. Obviously you see my biases and my opinions, but I definitely recongnize the Jewish suffering throughout time and I wish such horrible things have never happened, but that is life. I am also hurt when I see Israeli civilians are blown with bombs in cafes, restaurants and buses, it makes my hear bleed. Furthermore, I also hate the idea that Palestinians are supposed to sell in and give up their cause simply because they cannot do much about it. You have to trust me on this, I have seen people get shots; people get hurt, mothers being beat to death, children pee on themselves because of the horrors they have to go through. I also hate seeing foreigners being hurt in the midst of the conflict simply because they wanted to help or because they stood with the wrong side. Rachel Corry and others are stars in the Palestinian sky and she must be known for all those who fight for peace and are willing to go the extra mile.
I have never liked extremists and there are plenty of those in the
I want to spend few pages to tackle the issue of suicide booming. The issue seems to cause the most annoyance and headache to the West; it is hard to understand why would anyone do such thing? The answer might be well, they are whacked, Palestinians bunch of crazy people. We are not crazy, and those who put a boob around themselves and go kill others as well as themselves, there is something wrong, but they are not stupid. Do not misunderstand me, I am not trying to advocate these horrible acts, I do think that they are horrible. Furthermore, I see them as sentiment of a greater disease. Most people who have committed suicide bombing are college level student; lawyers, pharmacists, engineers, teachers, students, mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters and all of them wanted to send a massage (definitely the wrong mean) that there life SUCKS. Some of them cannot find a job, others lost a family member (all family in some cases) and some have been in an Israeli prison. Some of us remember the American guy who burned himself inside the Pentagon in protest against the Vietnam War. Palestinians are not the ones, who invented this, but our actions seem to make the headlines meanwhile Israeli atrocities and aggression toward us remains hidden or nicely packaged to fool more American (I challenge you to remember what happened in Jenin Camps less than two years ago) I am sorry I tend to throw all my trash on the media, but they share part of the responsibility, the way the present the Middle Eastern conflict is a morally bankrupt method of manipulation and cover.
I do not get it, the Americans make fun of the French for not being able to stand and fight the Germans during in the WWII when the German invaded
Others prefer to blame Arabs and their leadership for the Suicide bombing phenomena. For example, some rumors were going around that Saddam Hussein (or some other Arab leader) pays 25.000 $ per person who carries a bomb and blow himself or herself up. I am not sure if this is true or not, but I am sure that each one dies for the cause of Palestine, gets some help and aid and there are a number of organizations to help these people, but I do not think that the aid is exclusive to those who blow themselves up. My brothers in law were in jail for tow years and I remember they used to get a monthly check that someone used to drop at the door. This might drive Americans to ask this question: then that must be the reason people go to jail or go to kill themselves along with others? I am sorry, but this is not how it goes home, it is not all about the money. I have to admit the money are important, but no one and NO ONE will pay their life or their time to go to a stupid stinky place, simply the won’t. Another way to look at is to consider how the
You might ask how do they recruit people do these crazy things? The answer is easy, the occupied territories are full of those who have nothing to do and those with their lives who got sick of it, and those who have given enough and never got anything back. I have an interesting story to share, it might help you understand how the recruiting process begins, and it is a personal experience that I am sharing for the first time.
I became a constant visitor or our neighborhood mosque (Al-Anssar mosque) since I was 12 years and I started getting along with the people who visit the mosque and we became good friends and we would hang out and do fun things like camping and play soccer. We started going to meeting where we read the Koran in groups and discuss didderent issues in Islam, they were great and I learned so many things. I was perhaps the most distinguished student in that group, and they used to call me the Moving Archive because I would keep records of whatever happens in the meetings. Later I was aked to help some brothers in placing some ads for activities that we were doing by sticking them to walls of schools in the middle of the night and I liked that because it was always fun to stay out late. Although I was never forced to do anything and everything I ever done I did it willingly. I started being the school representative of the Islamic Mass group (Alkutlah Alslamiah) and I was asked to pass flayers and encourage students to get politically involved by giving them some pictures of Intifada martyrs which to my bad luck my brother discovered in my room and kicked my butt for having such dangerous stuff in my room. I ignored my brother comments and kept what I was doing but I became more secretive about these things. I loved what I was doing and I pretty much enjoyed these things, as I was top become 16 years old now.
One day after magrib (sunset) prayer my friend at the mosque asked me to memorize the last chapter of the Koran and since I was familiar with most of that chapter due to that fact that each Muslim has to memorize some parts of the Koran in order to be able to do our daily prayer. Anyways, I did memorized that part of the Koran and met 2 weeks later with my friend so we can go over the chapter and see if I really memorized it. We met in the mosque, the upper level where no one can come and disturb us. After making sure that I memorized that part of the Koran, my friend gave me a small gift, it was interesting a tape cassette that has some Islamic and political songs rather hymens, the name of the band was “Thoyoor Aljanah” which means “the birds of paradise” I liked the gift I was given and I thanked my friend who complemented my memorization and he asked me to further my memorization by memorization the next chapter, chapter 29. I promised to try, but my friend had a book with him that somehow disturbed me and I cannot remember the name of the book, but is had something to do with “Islamic intelligence skills since early history” or something along these lines. We stayed for 15 more minutes and then each of us went home and only at that point I knew or I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, so I decided not to continue these meetings because they might just go too far and I am not interested in getting involved with anything like that.
I do not know what happens or why I changed my mind about this whole thing, but my intuition felt that there was something fishy about this guy that I respected. May be nothing would have happened or may be the other way around, but I ma glad at that point I did pull myself out of that league and honestly these guys have never bother me again. Although I kept on doing my daily prayers, but I kept my relations with them formal, they have never harassed me or pushed me. It was a good experience, I taught many things about politics and about Islam and I ma glad that I did not get involved with anything that might hamper my future. Perhaps the fact that my parents were well off and there were educated that I did not go the other way. My dad have always taught me about balance in line and straightforward because as he says it is the shortest way to safety.
Dealing with Americans
As a foreigner, I had to learn many techniques and master them in order to get along with Americans. I am generalizing the American people here because there is so many different styles, preferences and qualities that Americans look for in their friends. Due to the fact that I have come and lived in
In general, Americans tend to be warm and friendly to aliens and I am not sure why this attitude is very common, but it is real. I have heard things from my American friends that the might not share with others or say it in public, perhaps it is because they think, I do not follow the same rules or that I would have a different reaction meaning that I won’t think as an American would thing so I should be ok. I have heard stories from relation with significant others, grades, to law violations, to relations with parents…etc. And I think I did pretty well, as a listener and as a crying shoulder. On the other hand, I found it to be hard for Americans to understand me or my problems (I do not have many of those) because of the cultural and social differences. I am living in American and I learn and see how things are done around me so I have the advantage of knowing the American side, another words, I can look at problems through the American cultural frames, but not all my friends have this advantage because simply it is hard for them to have a clear image of what things are back, back home. For example, I had had a hard time when I first came here when my roommate ask me question like these:
· So Hani How many girls have you kissed?
· Hani, when was my first kiss?
· Did you have a girlfriend back home?
· Hani, do you like any of the chicks in the neighborhood?
· So brother, are you going to have an arranged marriage?
People just leave me alone, I am not gay, but I am not used to all this, I like girls but I ma not supposed to be doing anything with them. Regarding arranged marriage, it is not something that my parent would do-they would love to though, but I think I am skillful enough to get my own girl. Yes, you can blames my culture or my religion, you also can just say, “That’s how things are done over there, and what they do works for them” On the contrary, some Americans–not many struggle with foreigners in their country because of a personal experience, like losing a job or not getting in the right college. And these people, at least the one I came cross, won’t commit any stupidity such as beating up a different-looking person. The simply will give one of us a look, that I just see as “Hey dude, I do not really know much about you or your country, just do your things and get the heck out.” I have only seen this look few times, but somehow I have managed to change some of those attitudes by simply getting to know the person, answering their questions and kicking it together.
I have to admit that the only times I truly felt discriminated against is when guys start talking about sports, old school music, cars, American domestic issues, dance clubs and good beer. These are all things that I literary know anything about so whenever one of these topics come up, I what to do so I won’t get beating up, I just would have to smile and stay out of the conversation until they change the subject. I make up for that by trying to change the subject and move to talk movies, I do not claim to be an expert, but I have seen about a lot of movies.
I do not intend to turn this into a soap box and start beating the man when he is down, there are plenty of things that happens in this country that I am not necessary in favor of, maybe because I do not understand them, but I won’t try to judge and make a fatwa regarding any of those practices. I believe we all can talk and trash others, it is easy in fact, but it is really hard to influence others and convince them to change their behavior. Many of the people I came cross in this country spend most of their time trying to have others understand rather than understandings the others. Everyone wants to score by getting their point (if they have one) cross. Honestly, I have had a hard time talking with Americans, I found them listen-oriented people who won’t act on the difference. Meaning, Americans just enjoy having arguments, debates and stimulating conversations just for the heck of it, in other words some of my friends tend to debate just to show that they are different than the others, the baddies.
I am accustomed to seeing my friends’ stand and salute the American flag whenever the national anthem is played, no matter what they were doing, all stands and all salute. It took me a while to understand that practice, although we have the same behavior, but I have never thought that Americans have these feelings because Americans are not fighting for a common cause (I thought wrong) but nevertheless, they still do it. I actually saw a number of Americans who do not salute the flag and they just keep doing whatever it is the were doing, I thought that was disrespectful in away, but I did not really care. It is funny because even thought I am not an American, I used to stop and salute the flag- I do not know why I did that, but it happens just like me a Muslim praying with Mormons- Until some DUDE looked at me while I was standing and gave me this look “Why is this guy still standing? He is not an American!” I felt uncomfortable because of the way he looked at me. And finally I decided not to salute the flag or stand for it not because I disrespect the flag or I hat the way Americans live rather because I felt that I was not part of the DREAM, I mean the American dream. And since then I have not saluted the American flag-and I do not think that I have to anyways.
Parties in
As most of you know, most of my time in the
In
I have been touched by the fact that almost all college students are professional dancers and they know how to shake their tale feather. It seems that most of them know how to dance really well, but only few of them can crack a math problem. I have also questioned where these people bring all these energy to dance from 9:00 PM to 1:00 AM without stop, just thinking of it scare me. I always tend to run away in parties whenever they play a slow song where you need to grab a dance partner and dance along, I simply do not dare to do that because I think it is stupid and boring. I usually use that time to go fresh up, grab some snacks, or chat with other people who seems confused due to that fact that no guy have asked me to dance so they try to fade themselves and disappear from the dancing floor.
In all sorts of parties you get the dance weirdoes who are crazy people with crazy moves that makes everyone laughs at them. I found these weirdoes normally they are just like the rest of us, but they d not get to release their stress until they get into a party and they just go wild. On the other hand, one can also find Orthodox people who do not really know anything about dance; they just came because they wanted to accompany someone (Normally those you are interested in) and honestly, I feel sorry for these persons, they are like the deaf in a weeding reception, just indifferent.
There are also these wild parties that happens around, these kinds really scare me because there a re plenty of things that happen there in no one can expect what would happen next. Alcoholic drinks, drugs, crazy girls and wicked guys and you name it, this combination of things makes me uncomfortable, it is just me, I guess. Although I have seen these parties on
I am a big fan of
I have noticed that some Americans tend to act differently in parties and become something they are really not, maybe because they think that they are not cool so they do not want to be left behind so they try to join the team and do things that they won’t normally do, just for the heck of it or just to proof that they are really cool, like playing truth and dare.
Americans and Exercise
Americans are very careful to the freak level about their bodies and their physical looks, it matters to them and to others as well. I cannot stop form seeing all these commercials and ads for weight lose medications and supplements and further there are the new diets like the latest fashion the Atkins diet. Not only that, there are plenty of gyms that take advantage of that by attracting men and women into signing big contracts and fooling them that they will be skinnier, sexier, hotter and more demandable. And I do not think one can resist these things, so people end up being fooled or forced into signing contracts and God helps anyone who wants to get of the contract, the mangers and trainers in the gym will make you feel like crap and they would hold a gun and point it at your head until you change your mind. It happened to me and to my friends, trust me.
Part of that paranoia is the role of family in pushing young girls and young boys to remain sexy and in shape at any costs. I have heard about and saw mothers who get mad at their kids for eating some kind of candy or some other junk food. Hey hold your horses, do not panic…. you are going to far. Let the kid do what he likes, but teach him or her. It is not your intention to make them feel bad, you just want them to do the right thing. Take it easy, after all they are just kids they want to enjoy life instead you can challenge them to be physically active (by nature most kids are physically active)
Throughout my life, I have always been physically active due to the nature of the work I used to do and the fact that I had to walk for a total for an hour and a half each day so that kept me going, but when I came to the US everything (almost) was simplified, there are elevators, escalators, cars, buses subways and metro. So basically one does not have to do a lot of activities that require physical power. It took me three months in the
My firs day at the gym I was shocked by the size of my follow American friends, they are really huge and muscular, nothing that compares to what I have, man I felt like an ant next to an elephant. Eventually I was able to get over that feeling and work my butt off to get in shape, I have never had a great looking body myself, but I like what I have. A year later I decided to get a membership in a local Gold’s Gym store because they had more flexible hours than the school gym. So we go there and inquire info about getting a membership for my roommate and myself, which was probably my greatest mistake in
I sometimes run outdoors and enjoy the weather; it is funny because when I run at night and run into people, they are the nicest people on earth, I do not know why. But I think that Americans are usually nicer to foreigners at night. Whenever I come cross Americans at night, they would do one of those three things:
· Smile and say nice things, like good night.
· Run as fast they could
· Examine my face and see if I look suspicious enough.
Since the weight problem is becoming bigger and more visible in the American society, perhaps there is still some hope. I heard form my friends back home that they would rather chose an overweight lady over a super skinny lady. So I suggest that Arab and
American Women from Venus, but the men…?
One of my things that stoke me as a resident of the US
In a way I like these sort of attitude, but unfortunately this attitude does not cause things to happen, it works only when people are not pursing a long term relations like a boyfriend/girlfriend relations. And I like the way Americans do work their conflicts with their significant others (if they do at all) One-on-one, no one interferes, just the two of them, but this does not seem to work all the time, we all can use some mediation every once and a while. On the other hand, most relations that I saw back home were long term relations; a husband and a wife where people are expected to work it by any possible mean. They usually work their conflicts or disagreements by using the One-on-one approach and if this approach fails, both parties will take a break by separating for few days, the wife would usually go back to her parents’ house. Then when the husband gets his things together he can always go back and repent for his mistakes, if you are a man in the Middle East , you always apologies, not because you are nice, but you are supposed to do so. You usually ask your parents to come along to show your wife and her parent how serious you are, meaning that if it is too much of a hassle each time, one would think 100 times before they make another mistake. I have seen a lot of situations where one parents trash him just for offending or raging his wife, my dad used to say to my brother, “ You get married to the daughter of a good family, and you bring her here and act mean to her, she is not going to take your crap, I won’t help you either, go and make it for her” And I also have seen families that go the other way around by siding with the sons against the wife, this would generally happens if there was a jealousy bad attitude from the wife side.
I ma not sure which approach I would personally use, but surely both the American and the Arab have good things about them, so I think that we should not limit ourselves to either one. I am not saying that you should call your parents or those who you trust whenever you have an issue with your significant other; just use them as a reference. Because we do not always do the right thing, I know it is a hard to admit, it does not meet our human nature of always assuming that were are right.
American boys and girls like to play games with each other, like cat and mouse in a chase, they enjoy torturing each others’ feelings by using certain techniques to give signals, perhaps the wrong signals, but who cares? It is always fun to play around and test how others feel about you. For example, I have heard this statement may be 20 times, “I am going to make him/her like me and then when she/he liked me, I will not like them back!!” This sounds ridiculous, why waste time? If one is not interested in a relation why does this person peruse it in the first place? The answer I got was, “it makes feel good” I am sorry, I do not get it. I think what makes me feel good is watching movies or going to the gym, not torturing others’ feelings. Guys always complain, “Girls, cannot live with them not can you live without them” because of some bad time or current emotional space, guys start making blind statements about girls, they cannot do nothing beside that. On the other hand, girls are paranoid; “Do you think he likes me?” girls like to ask others about who their friends or roommates feel about them emotionally. I swear I have heard this statement more than 100 times. American couples want to move into action too fast and the sooner they break up. I can say these things because I have been an observer of these relations and since I am different people tend to trust me with their little secrets, the sooner the start pouring these secrets into my ears.
In America, if a guy always call a girl and hang out with her for more than few days, people will start teasing them, “So what is going on with you and.?” “I smell something cocking over there”, “Are you guys going to take this to the next level? Or may be the tease will be straightforward, “So, have you guys kissed yet?” Americans seems to have dropped the concept of a good friend, you are either in a relation as a boyfriend/girlfriend or you are in stand by mode. And I am sure that every guy have heard this statement or a variation of it for at least 10 times, “You know I just want to be friends.” Or “A know guys hate that word, but friends are special to me.” Or, “I do not think that I have any romantic feelings toward you, it is not you, it must be me.”
Cross the spectrum, poor girls, they have to listen to the same story over and over again, every guy pretends to be a sales person in a way. All guys tell the same story, “I just want to get to know you.” “I thought you are cool and I would like to have a good time” Whenever a guy asks a girl out, he prepares to tell the same story about himself and his dreams. And it is funny because about one girl out one girl will tell you about what things they like in a guy, “I just want someone who makes me laugh!” that is so lame, I think. Therefore, every guy out there tries to be cool and funny so he cans have his slice of the pie. As I said before, most guys would do extraordinary things to get the attention and the love of a girl, sort of “I want to be your hero, baby” I do not know if this is what guys should be doing. I would rather work on myself, perfect and improve myself by studying hard, working faithfully and wait to be my own hero first. I am not asking guys to be jerks-a lot of American guys can be mean and jerks with girls, I am saying that everyone of us needs to be himself without the acting in a fake manner that does not necessarily represent us. We also have to remember what Jack Nicklson told Helen Hunt in the As good as it gets, “You make me want to be a better person” that is right, we all should be the best version of our selves when we are around girls. Not to fool them or tick them, but because we are all can be good and nice, we just have to admit it, we are not that bad or tough as we would like to think.
My advice to girls if I may do so, I would ask most girls not to be paranoid around guys, meaning not to overreact or try to analyze every single move, gesture or look that guys make, it might not be intentional. Follow your intuition and take it easy, do not go around and talk about him trying to get some thoughts and opinions from others who know both of you, it does not help. If you do not like the guy, do not be mean to him, just spell it out loud and be straightforward; he is not going to hurt you. Although he himself might be hurt, but it is all right, he will get over it. What kills guys is to be put on hold when it is not necessary to do so. I have thought of these as my “bus station” theory. No one goes to a bust station and want to stay for ever, one would leave the bus station the moment the next bus comes and when the bus comes, people do not even say good-bye, guys do not be like a bus station, they want to me a bus. It is true that the bus station offers you shelter, warmth and a seat, but it is temporary. That really hurts guys, just ask yourself, “Would you ever like to be treated this way in a relationship?” I do not think so.
Americans and Food
I intended to make the title look something like American food, but I thought some of my friends-both international and Americans would get mad at me because according to them, there is no such thing as American food. I do not know how accurate this assumption is, but it has some truth to it, but somehow I find KFC, Burger King, McDonald’s, Carl Jr. and other chain restaurants to carry on their menu: All American Meal. Therefore, we can argue that there is some American food. We might disagree on many things, but we all agree that American food is not the healthiest food out there. Fat, Oil, grease, and sugar are all common ingredients of American food. I have to admit that American food tastes good even thought we know that it is a horrible food, we still eat it and enjoy it. Let’s see, I think one of us can live that day by eating only All American food.
Breakfast:
· Corn flakes cereal or oatmeal, do not forget the vitamin D milk
· Droughts with American coffee
· Muffins with a cup of tea
· A bagel with Cream Cheese and Orange Juice
· Scrambles Eggs with Canadian beacon or perhaps if you feeling patriotic sausages instead of the beacon.
Lunch:
- A whole pizza
- A Happy meal form McDonald’s with a diet coke to make you feel better
- A Whopper Meal from Burger King, you can skip the fries
- Popcorn Chicken form KFC with some side salad to convince that you are eating healthy.
- 3 Tacos for a dollar form Taco Bell
- Chinese Fried Rice, this might sound un-American, but the amount of fat it has qualifies this dish to be an All American meal
Dinner:
- Pork Chops
- Ham Roast with some mashed potatoes, do not forget the gravy
- Macaroni Cheese
- Your favorite TV dinner
- Pasta with some Alferdo sauce
- Or if you were feeling guilty about eating too much you can just skip that and substitute the dinner with drinking PowerAde.
So we can conclude that there is food that is commonly eaten in the
Honestly, I have loved food and restaurants in the
Hot dogs have a special place in my heart, I am addicted to them and I wouldn’t mind eating them. Although I do not know what they are made of, I still enjoy them. I only pick up the Kosher or Halal brand, they tend to be healthier and have less junk. I also like the Pizza gatherings, you know five dollars for a large pizza, and you cannot beat that. The pizza challenge was due to the fact that
Going back to talk about restaurants, there are plenty of chain restaurants that I love and would not mind eating in every day like Macrooni Grill on the other hand, places like Dennys, I did not find very pleasant due to the bad service and bad attitude offered by waiters and waitresses. Talking about service at restaurants bring me to the tip dilemma. I am a big of dining out, I do not like to cock for myself –although I can, but I do not think I am worth it. Almost I have never eaten in a restaurant without leaving a tip to my server, I greatly appreciate their service and I give between 10-20% of the check. But in some situations, the server intimidate the customer in a way that does not allow bargaining, they are just simply rude and I do not think they believe that I would give them a tip anyways. I give them what they think they will get. I am sorry, but I go to eat in a restaurant, I want good serves along with good and warm food.
An interesting thing I noticed in the
Americans and Corporations
If I was asked to chose one thing that I hate about this country, I would have to say Corporations. I am sorry I do not mean to be rude, but these guys are taking over this country. People are losing more rights as these monsters grow and gain more authority. I have had many problems and disagreements with these big entities; I have also heard so many horrifying stories from people I know that have suffered their nightmares with corporations. Cell phones, home phones, membership in gyms, housing contracts, Internet and cable services, car dealers, credit cards, electricity, hospitals, insurance companies, record companies, publication companies, banks, major employers and the list goes on. I am sure at least each one of us has a dozen of bad experiences with corporations. No, it is not us who do not organize our papers and put our things in order, it is them to be blamed. Corporations want us to fail because our failure costs us more and lead them to make more profit. And off course we were not told that because we did not read a very small letters saying that if we fail to make a payment one time, we would lose out car, out house or even out loved ones.
I am not making this up, I have seen, heard and gone through theses loops myself and realized that one should not mess with these guys, they will hunt us down and get what they want. Off course if they do not get what they want, they have your Social Security number and can screw one’s history and future till the Day of Judgment and all this is done without a further notice. Why did not you guys tell me? Well, we sent you a letter- you changed your address, we also called you-they never did but it makes one of us confused and lead us to question ourselves May be they did call?
I have had problems with my cell phone, they wanted me to pay for something I did not receive- gangster style, and they wanted me to pay extra fees as well. I also had troubles with my manger who was not able himself to sell a single contract for his complex yet he asked me to sell mine. It is funny because with all his ads, and networking he was not able to sell a single contract, how the heck am I supposed to do this? In addition to that my gym membership was canceled and I was not notified even thought I went to the administration office and kept asking, they did not know until they sent me to a collection agency (Welcome, you are screwed) I am not a slacker when it comes to doing my financial stuff, I take these things seriously like most of us do. But no matter what you say or do, you will be screwed, corporations like that because according to the law they are more trustworthy than individuals, I am sorry but aren’t corporation ran by individuals like us who make mistakes?
There is nothing for free in America America interested in making financial record or history in the US
On the other hand, corporations are the most important aspect of the capitalist society; they fuel its life and its features. But only in America corporations are making people give up more rights and more rights, you know some one has to make a living and in America
American Transportation
Everyone in America has a car, even kids. This is great because that means that I can always get rides to where I want to go without having to worry about paying gas. And by now you guys know that I do not have a driving license and remember, it is America: the land of the free and home of the brave. Perhaps it is the mentality of independence that makes every American free in making their financial lives without having to worry about being nice to grandpa and grandma. In America everyone is supposed to be able to make it and live on his or her own. And off course to declare one’s independence one has to have a car or at least an easy access to a car. And the car, I know not only the car, will get you a date. Then from the date, one moves to romance and if serious enough one or Mormon enough one would get married and live happily after.
I had never had a problem moving form a place into another, there will always be a solution. One can use subway, a bus, a train, an airplane, or a car. But since most of my time in the US was spent in Utah, and since Utah bus system is less than perfect, I got used to getting rides form my roommates and my friends and if not I would walk to my destination. But although, I am grateful to all the help and rids I got in America, one things keeps pissng me off. American Drive Everywhere…. They won’t walk… and few blocks seems like along trip…and always the car will be on and rolling. Gas is cheap…. man, c’mon. Yes, it might be cheap, but you know what it is un-American, you put your nation in an insecure position each time you demand more gas (I know I am Arab, we have all the gas in the world) and you know what quit whining about your weight or your chubbiness and curves, take the stairs and walk. Think about it, you do not have to do this everyday, try to do it once a week or once a month. What is wrong with you people? Use a bus or a metro…save the environment for God’s sake…. you do not have to join the Green part if you do not want to.
That is all nothing, but what makes me feel worse is an old truck that emits the worst of gases that not only harms the environment, but also kill me if I was jogging in a nearby street. I am not jealous, I promise to have the coolest car when I get my driving license (off course my dad would have to pay for it) But you know what? American companies, businesses and banks make it sound cool when you want to buy car. I am not sure who dumb Americans are or how superficial these advertisements, do not believe me, fine… how many times have you seen car advertisements telling you that you would save if you buy their car? Or do you remember how much money they going to pay for your car so you can purchase their new model? Worse ok, some car companies offer you a vacation package if you buy their car and other offer you a free dinner. But hold on who is going to pay for all this? May be the company, they love you perhaps. Not really. It is you, you guess right, they will charge you for every and each thing you get. I am sorry, but I do not think that this would work. I would rather walk and enjoy the fresh smells of nature or what is left over of it because of your cars and other beasts that you make.
I just want to touch on another topic, which is the size of American cars. From the first moments in America, I was impressed with the size of American cars, they are really big and huge which means more gas consumption, but who cares, right? One thing that I like about American cars is that fact that they are capable of finishing any trip, they are beast in terms they eat the road and do not bother with any geography. They can go anywhere and keep going. That does not mean that they are efficient but does it really matter? Not to me, time is money. It is just a wonderful experience to cruise in an American car in the middle of Phoenix downtown in mid July or August. Air conditions are my favorite in the American cars; they can keep you cold or warm in a matter of few minutes. I started thinking that the first thing I would like to do when I get back home after obtaining a good paying job is to find a nice Big American car. Off course I won’t and I cannot afford paying for a bran new American car because of the excessive amounts of taxes and surcharges I would have to pay. For those who do not know, in the Middle East (many where else too) they charge a tax rate of 100% even in Israel. The few exceptions for this rule is if one was a handicap or corrupt government official; who does not need to worry about stupid things like paying taxes. So now I hear some Americans-Republicans mainly shouting, “We should be grateful to have been born in this country…”
I am writing today and the battle between the Democrats and the Republicans for the election 2004. Republicans call Democrats immoral and not willing to protect America. Democrats call Republicans fanatics and liars. President Bush made a brave and a crazy stunt to amend the Constitution to ban gay marriage; I give him credit for that. No one would have enough guts to stand strongly against it.
Sometimes I tell myself that if I was an American which I am not, I would have to be a Republican. Look at this way, America is a country of faith and those who came here first came because they wanted to practice their faith with no restrictions and regulations. A big country build by immigrants from all over the world- the Irish and Italians love to think of themselves, as the only ones- in a distance form all other nations. Republicans seem to offer more to the majority white population because of their conservative agenda and they view life. Republicans also believe that they have some sort of divine massage to protect this country and its residents no matter how. During my stay in the US, I found the majority of Americans to be God-fearing people, who seem not to deny God, but try to forget him especially when they do wicked things. In other words, those who deny God are trying to replace him and take his fear from out hearts and then lead us to the inferno. This became obvious in the War on Terror.
On the other hand, Democrats offer more open-minded agenda, a liberal twist of America. Democrats seem to offer more to under privileged minorities and to those who seek alternative ways of life- like gays. Seeing more of the picture gives democrats and liberal the smaller base, but the most intellectually aware base.
As a foreigner, what bother me most with both parties is their foreign policies and how they view the rest of the world. My only turn off is that both parties seemed to adopt the SAME, and I mean same policies toward Israel which a policy of love, respect-sometimes fear, generosity and loyalty to Israeli causes. Both parties seem to agree on the fact that Israel is America’s best friend in the Middle East. I do not know about that, but I know that the Jewish lobby in DC or the AIPAC is the candidate’s best friend. Meaning that anyone seeks a public office in the US especially the White House has to have the AIPAC stamp of approval. Otherwise, the doors of hell would open loose and candidates had only to dream about the White House or any other office they peruse. I am not trying to be anti-Semitic here, but rather I am jealous of their success and their resources and I wish one day other groups would be able to be as effective as the AIPAC who invests s9o much money in the political arena in the US.
That is why American Arabs and Muslims are not too excited about voting in the US because they lost the hope for change long time ago. US will not and cannot be a balanced peace broker in the Middle East, they do too much and they are too attached to the Israeli side to see the whole picture. In addition to that, the US seems to enjoy having the Israeli friendship in the political and military arenas because Israel is the world expert in justifying major violations of international laws and norms by spinning facts. Thus, Israel sets precedents to the US, precedents the US needs in its war on terror. For example, targeting militants and bombing cars was not a whole problem for the US to justify because Israel-US’ best friend has set precedents. Thinking logically and politically, US is running the right directions, but both the US and Israel’s arguments and policies are morally bankrupt and lead to the destruction of out humanity and our moral judgment.
I feel that have to say this now or otherwise, I might be called a radical or even a terrorist –funny enough the US media have labeled every Palestinian by names like militant, terrorist, armed men, militia men…etc. Whenever Israel invades a Palestinian territory, terrorize its residents and kill some of them, headlines would say in the next morning Israel kills 15 militants in Gaza Strip, notice there militants might be under the age of 13, what’s this? Africa or Colombia? For God Sake, Wake up!! I know you out there will say, “Oops another angry Palestinian” but if what Israel does to us does not anger me and all of you, then anger has no meaning and has no need.
Every institutions, organization, government, international group, rational human beings and even irrational human beings that I know of, have supported the solution of peace between the Palestinian and Israelis expect Sharon who seems to be living on his own planet –planet of the Apes perhaps- It is not that bad you guys, it is doable, what the middle East needs is a new leadership on both sides who have the guts to take some heat and move things. Not all Palestinians hate Israel, but all hate what Israel does to them and they also hate what Israel make them go through. And not all Israelis radicals or peace hating people, they want peace badly, they also want security and that is not too much to ask for, it is only too much to ask for when you take others’ security to ensure your own. You might say that “this conflict has been around for thousands of years and it is a religious conflict” You know what I am sick of all those who cannot help themselves and do not want to help others, it has not been there fore thousands of yours, it is less than 55 years and it s not a religious conflict, no, not a conflict between Islam and Judaism who might not seem to fit together because of the Israeli occupation not the other way around. It is a conflict of nationalism and Zionism who gets what and how? That is all. Those who claim that it is a religious conflict, they lie to us. Because they are those who benefit from wars and conflicts, like warlords.
Those religious fanatics on both sides that make their: living out of the death of others, shame on them. And I mean those who send young, old and women to blow themselves up killing others and causing more harm, those who also encourage settlers to go into Palestinian territories and target and terrorize civilians, shame on all of you. People in Palestine are under continuous struggle and fear from those monster Israeli soldiers who seem to have lost their rational thinking the moment they joint this army that targets children pregnant women and old men. Shame on those bearded men who send out young men to blow themselves up and kill others, who you to take lives? You like playing God? Would you send your child to do this? Hiding behind religion and speaking softly, screw you. I know you want to liberate Palestine. Well good news, I want to liberate Palestine too, we are on the same side. There are plenty of alternative ways of liberating Palestine, not necessary victimizing others. I know you will tell me that “what I taken by force can only be brought back by force” You think you can force the Israelis out of Palestine? Well, think again. Israel can do whatever they want not only because they are capable to do so, but also because they can also justify it. But the question is can you stand for long? I am not saying that we should give up, but as we say in Arabic, “No right will be lost as long as you keep demanding it” you know what let them kill us, let them blow out houses, let them imprison us, let them exile us and let them do whatever they like. Soon enough our cause would be popular. No I am not pacifist, I like standing for one self as long as it is the right way. Forget about those who give you money to kill Israelis and terrorize them. I know they do it to us, but guess what they are not our teachers. Just because they do it is does not mean that it is right. We have the right cause, our cause is just and it is clear that justice would be brought to us. It takes time. Time is what you wasted for 55 years you kept fighting back, what did you do? Did you liberate Palestine? Did you liberate my hometown? Did you free my cousin? Did you re-build my friends’ house? Have you brought the dead back to life? Have you done anything positive?
Let us just forget and forgive. Yeah, I know easy to say, but hard to commit. May Allah have mercy on all those who have been killed, raped, insured and victimized. Et us look ahead of us, to the future, forget the bitter past, it only causes the hear to itch and cry. I am not suggesting that we give up on our tight to defend ourselves. All I am saying is to take a break, a ceasefire perhaps. And commit to this ceasefire, hold it back and wait, give a second chance and see. Maybe that would help, and what would we lose? We can always go back and defend ourselves (President Bush doctrine of defense gives the Palestinian movements a lot more reasons to target Israelis, primitive strike, I mean) Israelis are not going anywhere. As it is for Israel has to grow up and stop its childish acts be creating troubles and reasons to go after Palestinian civilians. Peace needs sacrifice and true commitment requires self-control and patience. I am sorry but we must realize that people are not the enemy, but rather war is. We are all victims of wars, we should not rush into them because no one can afford the atrocities of wars, and Jewish people are the best to know this. Therefore, we should not discriminate against people because of their race, ethnicities, and religious affiliation, sex. I know we all know this, but US’ foreign policy does discriminate against people.
I just had a very interesting talk with my roommates in Washington DC, both of them are Mormons are we get along really well. This was while the gay marriage debate was going on in the US and the election year. My friends wanted to figure a way for me to stay in the US legally so I can finish what I started here. They were joking with me about them getting married Jon and David so they both can adopt me and I get to stay in the US. I thought that was a great funny idea and they guys were serious. But Jon said Hani look, “If I am going gay for you, you have to do something in return” he said, “I have to go Mormon for him” You know the whole situation was funny and ridiculous at the same time. Good thing we were not serious, because I maws getting scared and worried that these two weird guys were serious, but there were not.
The Greatest things in America:
Wal-Mart will make it to my list of the greatest things in America due to the fact that one can go to any Wal-Mart with a Super Center and simply buy almost anything one needs anytime and find there with a great price, it does not get any better. Although Wal-Mart was behind the bankruptcy of many businesses around town who could not compete so they had to shut down, but this is America; Survival for the fittest.
Mormons and Muslims do share a lot in common as I said, but there is something of a major difference between them and us. You know what Muslims still can marry more than one (they do not have to) but Mormons cannot do it anymore.
Suicide Bombing:
I have debated writing about this issue for a long time, I talked to friends, family, people who know and I have also debated the question in my mind trying to examine all possible sides of the story hoping to understand it. I found out that it is a complex issue that does not have a yes or no answer. I know the way Americans feel about suicide bombing and how they hate them and I also know how Muslims feel about these bombing, usually referred to as sacrificial or martyr bombing. I do not fairly know what the deal is, it is a very sensitive, emotional provoking subject to all those who have had to go through it or even justify it. I came to my conclusion as I was watching the trains in Spain and the horrible attacks against innocents and civilians who had nothing to do but be the wrong place in the wrong time. I had to grow up and leave my religious and cultural frames in order to understand this particular issue. I come to this conclusion and I am willing to take the heat and shots from all those who might disagree with me, but I am sorry that is my opinion and I believe every one of us should examine it for themselves.
I have always been in favor of these kinds of attacks against targets in Israel and perhaps it is the fact the I grew up in a depressed society who is challenged on daily bases of an Israeli aggression that reaches to every and each one who is a Palestinians, even the dead ones. I have witnessed with sorrow and sadness the killing, the torture, the imprisonment and the terrorizing of people that I knew and cared about. I have seen dreams that are shattered on daily basis by killing those who dream them. I have for the most part heard about an attack against this town, a curfew against another, a siege on another village, a raid against my local mosque and the list goes on. I was lucky that I have not had to go through an negative experience myself, I was never shot and I was never imprisoned in an Israeli jail nor any other jail. I have seen my brothers in law get dragged down the street and beaten up and bleeding to the point of no return. I have also seen kids who have lost a father, a mother, or even both and no one there to give them a logical explanation that appeals to their child mentality. I have also seen how horrible life is in Gaza Strip in particular its refuge camps. Where families of four or more live in one room that is about the same size as my living room. I have also lived with people who would fight others to get in line so they can get some food package distributed by the UN or other organizations. I have seen gifted students drop out college and go to learn a skill that would earn them money so they can help their handicap siblings with his or her medicine. What else? Let us see, I saw my cousin get thrown in jail for trying to travel to Egypt to peruse a medical degree, he was arrested and accused of being an “Islamic militant” Darn, I know the guy, the only thing that he had to do with Islam is written in his ID under religion: Muslim. I also saw my uncle’s house been blown up by Israeli bulldozers, why? Simply he threw couple of stones at the Israelis. Ok he was a troublemaker. What wrong did his parents do? Why victimize his siblings? Why widen the circle of hatred?
The list goes on and I cannot stop, my memory is full of stories that illustrate the agony of the Palestinians and their daily life of misery. I am not trying to make the Israelis the escape goat here and blame them for every single bad thing of those. I hate what they do to us and what they make up go through. I also admit that what Israel and Israelis do to the Palestinians make them hate Israel more and more. I know you hear this stuff and try to make yourself feel better by trying to justify these horrible things I just mentioned. You might say that these people have brought it to themselves by resisting and not giving up. You might also say that this is the nature of life, some good the bad deal and some get the good one. Some of you might say what can I do? There are so many bad things happening and we cannot change them. We can only work together and beat those who stand against the will of peace. This sounds rather naïve, but what other options do we have? If all logical and applicable solutions either have been rejected or turned down, a better generation to comes forth with their own reality and their own intreptation of what a just peace is. The people at this point have too many emotional packages invested, too long of a memory to forget, too hardened hearths to forgive.
Back to the suicide bombing, my initial subject. So for most Palestinians Suicide bombing is justified and understandable because the Palestinian clock indicates that they come as a response of Israeli aggressions in the occupied territories. So most Palestinians and I mean most not all- believe that these attacks are morally and religiously justified in the context of the Israeli occupation and its massacres of the Palestinians. Recently, it seems to be justified if Israel targets a Palestinian militant, kill him or her and kill ten others in the process that would be justified, but whatever the Palestinians do is not justified. Most of the time what Palestinians do is described as terrorism, but whatever Israel does it is understood in terms, “I am sure Israel has some good reasons to do what they do” In a way this dehumanize the Palestinian people in face of international law and human rights.
The challenge is within the Middle East itself, the dilemma is obvious, no one had their priorities straight. I mean neither the Palestinians not the Israelis have it right, there is a conflict of priorities. No one is being honest with himself or herself; both parties have not determined what they want from the other. Both ask for things that contradict itself, both use methods that causes further damage to the other side. Both parties as for peace and war at the same time, both parties preach love each other- us, and hate them. Both parties are sick of violence, yet both of them would encourage and promote violence in some situations.
In other words, Palestinians ask and work for peace, yet the wave of attacks against Israelis civilians has not stoped, the Intifada has not stopped yet. Some Palestinians argue that they cannot give up the right to defend themselves against Israel’s attacks on them. Telling the Palestinians that suicide bombing is not the way to fight the occupation because of its negative influence on the Palestinian cause who seem to be losing more supporters form the international community. Most those who advocate suicide bombing would tell you, “we do not care, the world has done nothing for us”, “They have failed to protect us, no it is our turn to take charge” thinking of this as a Palestinian, I believe this had truth to it, but it I not completely true. The world has done a lot of us and it still doing a lot, look at the UNRWA schools and clinics and one will know that the world is still interested in helping the Palestinians. On the other hand, if Palestinians do not want the help of the world as those suicide bombing advocates argue, Palestinians should quite asking for help form the world. If you are not willing to meet the world’s conditions and in this case it is apposition for suicide bombing, Palestinians should not be entitled for the help of the world other than humanitarian aid.
Palestinians are not the only ones trapped in their priorities, Israelis also have the same problem. Not realizing the importance of peace and the reality of occupation collide and cause the peace process to tremble. Israel has a lot more conflict in their priorities because they are the ones who have the most and expected to give up things they currently hold on to- both legally and illegally, hoping to get security from their neighbors. The priorities are either let us-the Israeli Defense Force be in charge of security by stripping it from the Palestinians. Or give Palestinians a peace in mind, give them some and hold them entitle to it, asking them to make Israelis feel secure by fighting all those who do not want peace. Another Israeli conflict is whether to give land to the Palestinians or take more land from them. Both arguments have good points and I am sure Israel can justify about anything they want, but one thing for sure Palestinians will not go anywhere, they were there once and they are still there.
The West as a whole has its own conflicts of priorities.
I know that not all Palestinians are fans of suicide bombing attacks; in fact many people back in the occupied territory appose them for many moral and economical reasons. The problem is no one has the courage to stand up and do something more than preaching. What can be done is giving the people options and make them chose. I suggest humanization of the victims of the Palestinians and Israelis conflict might help. Both parties involved look t each other’s as sinners and wrongdoing people, stereotyping them as enemies. For a Palestinian, those who die in suicide bombing are Israeli soldiers and settlers and not humans. For an Israeli, the death of Palestinians looked upon as a normal measure because this Palestinian is viewed as potential suicide bombers, militant and individuals who want to push Israel to the see and not more than that. Unfortunately, people in the Middle East are dehumanized so both parties feel better about their injustices and them victimizing others. Because death is a common reality in that part of the world, people are being creative and innovative in figuring out different ways of killing those perceived as enemies and justifying it. As they say here, both sides are trapped in the box and people are forced to place themselves back into the box if they try to leave. That is true, not too many people are able to see beyond the mirage and many people are willing to do the work.
I think in order to overcome this horrible trap is by encouraging both parties to voluntary leave their own boxes and get out to explore the human side of their enemies who have been monsterized. I remember in the movie Sand lots when these young kids playing baseball and exaggerating all kinds of stories about the “monster” that lives in the house backyard. Their assumptions lead them to believe all these stories and news they hear about this monster without thinking about examine what they know and see for themselves. It was more comforting for them to hear the stories and live in their fears, but when they had to get out the box, they changed their minds when they say the cute dog not a monster. Knowing what is out there and finding out the truth, one feels better. I know that this could be risky and might not work, but we need to give it a chance. Both parties need to start humanizing each other and looking at each other’s accepting the differences and willing to live with it.
What I am hoping to be able to do one day in that part of the world I launch a campaign that reaches to all parties and add the human domination to the conflict. Comparing the live of victims on both sides and trying to figure out common aspects in both sides. I am sure no one want to hurt others for granted, all can get along only if they accept each other and learn to compromise for the good of everyone. I hope to involve everyone I come cross for the sake of good of the region I know it is going to be hard, difficult, tiring, time and energy consuming, but it is not going to be impossible, it takes time. And I also know that I will be accused of being Americanized or Westernized, this is expected, but what people need to know that I am not Americanized but rather I started thinking out of the box, the Middle Eastern box. I also happen to know that the change needs to come from within the region instead of using ready recipes that might ruin our goals and beat the purpose. People need to change because they have decided to, not because people want them to change. We have to communicate the massages in a new fashion based on respect and learning rather than imposing ideas or policies.
I also finally hope that the people will start noticing tangible results and feasible turnout to convince them that they are on the right directions. Israel needs to contribute to these goals by promising not to harass innocents and civilians for the heck of it. It would be also nice if Israel carries small gestures that have big massages to the Palestinians i.e. like releasing some of the Palestinian prisoners in its custody especially minors and seniors. As I work toward this noble goal, I will keep in my mind that I will be condemned if I do and if I do not, on the Middle East I would rather get condemned if I do.
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