Why Ray Hanania Hates Miss USA
By now, everyone’s heard that Rima Fakih, a Muslim Lebanese-American girl, has won the prestigious title of Miss USA. While the victory has put conservative pundits’ panties in a twist, Arab- and Muslim-Americans are rejoicing.
Well… except for one.
Ray Hanania — the “award winning” columnist, standup comedian and self-nominated Palestinian presidential candidate — has been non-stop hating on America’s new Shiite sweetheart since her highly-publicized request for a slice of halal pizza.
Both of Ray Hanania’s Twitter followers will recall that Ray Hanania recently attempted (and failed) to urge the U.S. Census Bureau to include “Arab” as a race on its 2010 census forms. He’s also fresh off the heels of launching an offensive campaign to urge Palestinians to stop referring to the ethnic cleansing of their land in 1948 as “Al-Nakba” (the catastrophe) because it hurts the feelings of Israelis.
Now Ray Hanania is taking aim at Rima Fakih.
“Rima is lovely”, Ray Hanania said, “but I’m not so sure that choosing a Shiite Muslim to represent America in the Miss Universe pageant sends the right message to our allies.”
Ray Hanania continued, “At this time, our politicians and army generals are flirting with the idea of attacking Iran, the only Middle Eastern country with a Shiite majority. How can our propaganda machine succeed in convincing people that Shiites are evil, while drawing attention to how beautiful they could be?” It wasn’t clear whether the politicians and army generals Hanania mentioned are American or Israeli.
According to Ray Hanania, “It is an issue of national security that Rima Fakih be stripped of her title.” In fact, he claims to have photographic evidence that she once walked through a Lebanese village where a Hezbollah sympathizer runs a local cupcake bakery. “That alone,” he says, “proves that she’s with them and against us.”
Ayman Bazi, a moderator for the Arab Dearborn group on Facebook, dismissed Hanania’s allegations. “Basically, Ray is like a she-male prostitute,” he said. “The difference is that the more the prostitute shows you, the sexier she seems. But the more Ray shows you, the more you want to puke.” Ayman concluded with, “Eat your heart out Ray Hanania, Dearborn has Shatila Sweets and America’s sweetheart, what does Chicago have? Corrupt politicians??”
When asked about his own religious beliefs, Ray Hanania gave this answer, “The Miss USA pageant could do with a more consistent policy on Iran.” In other words, he’s a money worshiping clown with Uncle Tom syndrome.
Ray Hanania, Debbie does Dallas and Daniel Crack Pipes will be holding a press conference to argue that what happens in Vegas –where the Beauty pageant was held — must indeed stay in Vegas.
For more on Ray Hanania, join the Facebook group: RAy HAnaNia is so NOT funNy! OKAY??!!?
[Tarboush Tip: Programmer Buydatti]
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