My latest post for the Hup Post Bassem Youssef, the famous host of an Egyptian satire news show, is being sued. Bassem is no hero of mine, and there are countless others who share my view. Facebook is riddled with pages and groups who declare their lack of affection for Bassem Youssef. The former heart surgeon has been gaining fans and building an audience throughout the Arab world with his jokes and zingers. At the get-go, I loved his jokes and delivery. I thought he was the missing breeze of comedy the Arab world has been missing. Entire Post Here
Author: Hanitizer
| Posted at: 8:38 PM |
Filed Under: humor,
life,
stand up
|
Jet lag is not too complicated to explain, it is exactly feels like when you watch a midday manatee movie, and once you step out of the theater, you realize "ops, there is still more to this day than you remember."
Why would a Jew wish a Muslim Merry Christmas?! Neither celebrate this day religiously but both agree on one things--it's always great to have a good time. I wish people happy Easter, and Merry Christmas, because things do not always have to be about me.
America liked immigrants and have always liked food. Now think of the two at the same time. there are different stages to the American dream and I like to think of them in terms of food.
Having an American visa is like eating at a cafe! You can get many things, but there are limits
Having a Green card is like eating at an all you can eat buffet, dig in
Having an American citizenship is like owning the restaurant. You can eat, but at the end of the day it's you who has to pay the bill
You have heard the term friends with benefits before, they even have a movie with that title. This morning, I was at the gym thinking about some of the posts I have written about dating and marriage in the Arab/Muslim communities and realized many of those guys are always on a search for a girl to take home. Most--not all Arab men are good boys, they love their mothers and often times get spoiled by them.
It's only natural for them to look for what they know, someone like their own mother. I know ladies hate this idea, of guys shopping around for a mother they can have a different relationship with. It's not twisted or anything, and it's not limited to an ethnicity. Many guys love a woman that can cook, keeps the house tidy and is a fun person. And down the road to rare their child. On their mind, their own mothers come to mind. Hence, comes the term mom with benefit.
Feel free to disagree with me, but many of us realize that soon but only come to admit it later in life. You may not marry your friend with benefits but you certainly will snag the mom with benefit on the earliest opportunisty you have. After-all she cooked you dinner for a reason.
Author: Hanitizer
| Posted at: 10:36 AM |
Filed Under: humor,
stand up
|
Ever since I started driving the quality of my day has been affected by the sheer number of middle fingers I bring upon myself from those impatient drivers. So, if you drove in the DC area for the past four months, and have given someone the middle finger more than once--chances are I have ran into you on the road.
When you do not give me a middle finger, how else can I tell if I did something wrong? Your middle finger is like a tip, on how not to do things. So when you are nice to me, I might make the same mistake again. So the quality of my day would be nice if the I keep the middle fingers per day ratio to under two.
Anything more than four middle fingers and my day is not going so well. However, as time passes by, I get better at this driving thing and naturally the middle fingers start coming from me--not yet though.
Author: Hanitizer
| Posted at: 10:19 AM |
Filed Under: DC,
humor,
life
|
Each morning like every morning I walk to work. Thus, I pass by the famed 17 and S street dog park on the borders of the Dupont Circle and U Street area every day twice. Today was a little different, as I strolled down the street heading for work this morning, some guy who lives in a building across the street form the park was screaming from his bedroom---"Enough parking already!"
People in the park were giggling as few dogs gathered--one particular dog was being loud and obnoxious. There were attempted to stop the dog parking, 30 seconds later, the same voice comes, "Make It Stop Please!". I think it was funny to hear this kind of exchange in the early morning.
Seconds later the dog stops parking, and the same voice shouts "Thank You!" I wasn't the only one to notice, others including bystanders could not miss it. I consider myself as a dog friendly person which means, I do not pet them as they pass by, I only smile and stay out of their way.
I thought it was funny that people pay top dollars to live in that particular neighborhood, only to be awaken everyday by parking dogs. You might not hate dogs, but you may appreciate your sleep a little bit more than you appreciate those fuzzy creatures.
I find it intersting that some people tolerate parking dogs, but when it comes to crying babies, they get easily worked up. Thus those people are often the first people to complain in a restaurant if a baby cries.
Republicans like to lecture Americans and the rest of the world about the need to stop the "dependency culture." They are often right to make that call, it also pleases some people. I too think government doe waste a lot of resources. But my issue with such mentality is it often comes form someone who has not lead by example.
Correct me if I am wrong:
Do you know one Republican old Tea Party politician who has turned down the health insurance bought to them with taxpayers money I do not know a single person to walk away form this perk.
Do you know one Republican, who tells the government, I do not need my pension. Do what you like with it. I do not know anybody that has done something like that.
I find it also funny that Republicans tend to have the largest offices and staff in their congressional offices. They are not paying for those, the taxpayers are. They even use taxpayers to buy cookies takeout lunches.
So it's OK for them to get a government handout, but it's not OK for that while single mother, Mexican family or black family to get food stamps? I never liked people getting stuff for free, it does not work. But people who get such handouts do feel bad about it. Isn't time for fiscally conservative members of Congress to give back to taxpayers. Most of these people are rich anyway, have other jobs, and have a spouse that works--where they can get health insurance.
I am writing this not because I like to pick on Republicans, I just like people to be consistent. I find peace in the fact that America and its politicians are still far less corrupt that other places in the world.
When I am tired, I dose off on the bed, I get in heavy sleep mode, and Roa knows that nothing can wake me up. That happened few days ago, I was exhausted, and was lacking in sleep. I slept while watching a comedy with her.
She let me sleep for an hour, but then she would not let me sleep early...and it's Ramadan, if you can eat, eat and do not sleep. So in order to wake me up...she used a fool proof trick. I learned this after I have gotten married.
It turn out no mater how tired I am, if I spot a plate of sliced up watermelons and a fork next to them, I will wake up, this is the bait Roa uses to get me back from my deep sleep. I have embraced it too. That's why Roa always makes sure, we got plety of watermelon--at least during the summer season.
A friend of mine asked me this: Do you guys--Palestinians send wedding invitation/announcements?
I said yes, but we do not include a photo. It turn out that including a photo with the wedding announcement has not gone mainstream here.
But I had one thing to share with my friend, some wedding invitations back home, they do not include the name of the bride. While the great majority do, a sizable number of people chooses to block the name of the bride place is with a flower.
So you will have the father of the groom and under it, the name of the groom, then next to them the name of the father of the bride and the name of his daughter is substituted it with a flower. This is not just the case with few families, many opt out for this practice in Jordan and most those Bedouin communities.
I know this is odd, it makes be upset....like women names are so shameful and for these people they are part of the national security. I think this is not only dated, it goes against nature and kills the joy of seeing the name of the bride on something other than her birth certificate.
A flower says, that our girl is too delicate to have a name and we think you guys are not worthy of knowing her fine name. It's also an insult to the guy who is not marrying a real person, but rather a flower. He spends the rest of his life sniffing its scent. This is about distrust in the good in people, like if I know the name of your gal, then I will use it in a disrespectful manner. Which goes to speak about this male dominant mentality.
I think people who do it ought to be ashamed of themselves. There's nothing embarrassing a bout the name of a woman. And I am hardly the only one who sees it this way.
Author: Hanitizer
| Posted at: 3:07 PM |
Filed Under: humor,
stand up
|
This might be obvious,
But when your non-Arab friends say or post anything hinting that they want to take their own life, you would alert the suicide hot line and other initiatives like "It Gets Better"
Now, imagine one of your Arab/Muslim friends giving a hint about them taking their own live, I am certain, that you will call 911, the FBI and then the CIA instead of calling the Suicide hotline!
I know this is dark, but it's the reality. Like when the Colorado shooter was never dubbed a terrorist. C'mon white people are more than capable of terrorizing people--give the some credit., will you?
I do not feel that I need to print anything anymore....all my emails, PDF, documents and data can go with me wherever I go. I do not seem to need a printer as most places now accept a smartphone or tablet picture, image of whatever document one needs to share.
I like the feeling that this little device saves so many trees. For example, when I work on a project and want to view a document....more people can view it with me, and thus the trees are not being butchered.
Needless to say, internet connections makes this all possible. Imagine having a tablet that does not connect to the internet! We would have to use a flash drive or sync it with another computer to update it.
And if the trees do not keep you up at night, then you will love the savings it come with. You no longer have to shell big bucks for printing such papers.
I must thank Steve Job for making tablets popular and making them come alive--I do not like Apple. But he deserves the credit.
I am using a Blackberry Playbook! I have read somewhere that by 2016, tablets will be taking over the notebook business by 2016. I think this is fair as certain things would be music easier on a laptop--typing and certain software won't work with certain tablets. Hello? I still cannot use Skype on my Playbook.
Tablets are a promising industry because such devices are getting cheaper and better. They can do wonders, keep you entertained, and informed. So people now can pay a 100 dollar and get a tablet that does the job of making printing irrelevant.
When I first came to the States more than a decade ago, it took me a few months to understand the concept of debit vs. credit cards. It was so confusing at the start because why would they credit me when I am borrowing money, or use my card to debit me when I have cash in the bank? But later, I figured out, cards are more about the bank and less about the consumers. I did not want to get a credit card until my friend Adnan, who is an educator, told me you need these things to build a financial report in this country to show that you are financially responsible. If borrowing money is the only way to show that you are responsible financially, then all my broke cousins would be kings in this country. I could never get a credit card at home because for starters, few vendors (if any) accept them. And there is also the part where I do not talk like a city boy and that disqualifies me from rolling with that suit wearing crowd resented by pious people. My college bank gave me a credit card with a 500 dollar credit limit, then a year later it became 700 dollars and it went bigger and bigger. Wells Fargo also offered me one, and it seemed that everyone wanted to give me money and a free t-shirt, too. Plus, as someone who came from a war zone that has virtually no mail or postage system, getting stuff in the mail was an out of this world experience. I loved getting stuff in the mail, even junk mail was exciting at the beginning. Until a few years ago, when Capital One offered me a credit card that would earn me airline mileage every time I use it. Nevermind that I am a Palestinian and few countries would want me to travel to them anyway. And there is that thing about flying as a tall and dark man in today’s security-obsessed world. I applied for the card and got it.....but the miles never started coming as fast as I had hoped they would come. Unlike many, I have not lost a home in my dealings with the bank. I just feel that I was cheated. Recently, I got a new Mastercard from Capital One that I do not recall ever applying for. Up to that point, I only had Visa cards, and it was exciting to add one to my collection of credit cards where my name is inscripted. I started using the card as needed, but then I learned the card does not actually earn any miles yet it charges the same interest rate as the one that earns miles. Since both cards are linked online to the mile/award system that they both earn miles. But why would someone with a head on his shoulders use a card that gives them nothing back? My Discover card is pretty good about giving cash back, even the Capital One Visa credit card that I initially had was giving something back. When I called, the first line of defense for the bank could not figure out why they would send me a card I never applied for. Then comes the second line of defense, with the name of Chris and radio worthy voice. He did not figure out why I would get the card, but he offered to upgrade my account so that I could start getting air miles. It took them two years to figure out that people prefer getting something back. Chris said he was really sorry about the confusion and the miscommunication. I was really frustrated because I would chose to use Mastercard over all other cards, assuming my miles were adding up and my next trip seemed so soon (I really do not like to fly, something tells me I am not the only one). When I asked Chris to close my account, he understood why as a follow consumer. He tried to talk to the managers, but they came back with nothing. Ultimately, I spoke to the big cheese, a lady with the name Marty (or something really close). She is the senior manager. She could not figure out why I would get that card either and suggested giving me an address where I can mail them a letter. C’mon, lady, a mailing address, what am I, do I sound like I am 80 years old? Right before I ended the call, I asked her, consumer to consumer, do you see my frustration? Why would I use your card that does not give anything back over your other card that comes with perks? She validated those remarks. Even mighty Marty was no help, though. My negligence and faith in the credit card issuer combined with the bank’s greed ( some may call it incompetence) managed to leave a bad taste in my mouth. Even for someone like me who came with the understanding that a bank is a place where you put your money to keep it safe, who has no need for credit cards, have been sucked into this system. A system that if you want to leave, you are told your credit rating will take a hit. No wonder some of those banks thinking they are too big to fail really believe that. I do not hate all banks, I love my college bank in Utah where I still have an account. I am all for the creation of wealth and prosperity. I did not realize the twisted logic of credit cards I started to explain the concept of credit cards to my wife. It really sounded ridiculous, so together we’ve agreed not to go down the rabbit hole. I like one particular quote from Gordon B. Hinckley on this matter “Pay off debt as quickly as you can, and free yourselves from bondage.” as told by I am sure some fat bank executive is sipping a tropical drink on a beach somewhere in Barbados courtesy of poor people like myself. I am sure he did not have to worry about mileage, I only hope the good people at the TSA gave him a very close encounter.
Sacha Baron Cohen loves to mock all and everything Arabs and Muslims. All of his three popular movies go out of their way to vilify Arabs and Muslims, like he did in his second film, interviewing some Palestinians guy and labeling him a terrorist. Ayman Abu Aita, a not for profit worker who was labeled terrorist in one of Sacha's movies, The guy sued Sacha in the district of Colombia two years ago. What does a show about a gay model have to do with Palestine beats me. His first movie is also about a journalist from a Muslim republic who does crazy stunts and shows a great deal of ignorance and resentment toward Israel--this really felt forced.
Bruno and Zionist propaganda?
Now comes the third movie, the Dictator about an Arab/Muslim leader who is designed to make the entire Arab and Muslim faith look bad. While No one has seen the movie, form the many clips and trailers, it's hard to conclude that the movie will have anything nice to say about Muslims and Arabs. Looking back at the place that shapes Shacha's funny bone the London based comedy group Habonim, a group that describes itself as "a Socialist Zionist Culturally Jewish youth movement". Cohen comes from an observant Jewish family, he is a partisan of the Israeli cause
I'm sure when the topic of his support to Israel and its illegal occupation of Palestinian land, he will say this, "I am not engaged in those discussions" Fair enough, but why does bulk of his work focuses on making the Palestinians-like he did in Burno look despicable? An analyst from Bitterlemons.org, who was duped by one of Bruno's pranks had this to say about him "He is exploiting our tragic and painful conflict in the most cynical
and deceptive manner. I doubt he'll give us anything in return."He cannot just punch one guy and smile in the face of the other guy and then look at the camera and say I am not taking sides. Take this example, Sacha found enough time to slam the protest over Toronto Film festival for its Tel Aviv event
Sure his movies can be funny because using a certain group as a punchline works. I have yet to see one movie or a statement from the actor picking on someone else other than Arabs and Muslims. Sure he did a good job in Hugo--a good movie by the way. It seems that any movie he leads, writes, produces will be doing nothing but advancing stereotypes about the Arab people. He wins when hos movies make a killing and he also wins when he sees his political agenda creeps into the mainstream culture.
Sacha is free to think what he wants and make any movie he likes to make, but he is not free to claim impartial to the conflict. I only ask that he should be labeled as so, just like Israel labels those international activists and punch them in the face.
Someone in Egypt wanted to give people a hard time, and give us a laugh with it. Pulling prank on people for candid camera is always popular. Check out this reel with one guy causing shenanigans all over the place. This actor prankster is surely disturbing the peace. I must admit, I laughed few times and sometimes, I felt bad for the people who were either humiliated or scared.
This is part of a show that will air in Ramadan 2012, so enjoy the teaser. Only in Egypt they can do these videos, somewhere else they would most likely get in trouble for it.
Ever noticed how department stores always display baby clothes near the lingerie section? Trust me on it, I did the research on this.
I am not sure why they would that, but something tells me this approach might be similar to the approach the department of health uses with tobacco warning. Enjoy this product, but we want you to know that you gonna die sucker!
Back to lingerie, the baby clothes do just that, a reminder that when you enjoy this product too, you will end up crossing the aisle any purchasing some baby clothes. This could be part of the conservative agenda. What a turn off.
But if I ask my grandpa father, he will think lingerie are also baby clothes. No wonder why so many Americans call their sweet ones, baby. It all makes sense now why they stock lingerie and baby clothes in one section.
It also can be understood, that there's a close relationship between those who purchase baby clothes tend to spend more on intimate wear hoping to spice things up and kill the routine. Maybe also try to cover up those birth marks.
If you ask me I think these two items baby clothes and other baby clothes are overpriced.
Coloring Eggs is popular around Eastern, but in Egypt it is also popular around Spring Festivals--an ancient Pharaoh practice. So when you are literary the hottest rock band in Egypt and you want to throw a concert, you bring out the eggs.
The concert that's being promoted has been called off due to security concerns, but the video where the band has a jamming session with Thrwat Zap will be around for some time. This is a humor filled clip where the lead from the band talks about the virtues of eggs.
This is what they call creative advertising. It makes people want to share it and with tit the announcement for the event.
I have been recording my voice for a film about Syria. The editor wanted my help as he does not speak Arabic, so he asks me to voice some of the lines interviewee say. This helps him in the editing process. Too many takes and too many times, I had to listen to my own voice, and to be totally honest, I freaking hate it.
It really can drive you mad sometimes. This might be a ruthless way to torture people--I mean if we must torture anyone to begin with. No one ever likes to hear their own voice, not even seasoned singers. It's painful as you hear yourself utter words, you start telling yourself thing like:
Gosh, do I sound like that?
Who is this efer? And why does he sound like me--only weirder
Is this is how many soul sound?
I have finally understood why artists are paid a large sum for their work, no one should be made listen or watch themselves recorded. So, here's a tip for people who are in the torturing business, have people record their own voice, and play it over and over, then will lose their cool and ultimately lose their mind.
My sister in law and her husband are coming to visit us here in the States this month. They are fleeing the siege and no power, little water and weapons everywhere to be with us for three weeks. We are really thrilled about their visit to us. But since life is so hard in Gaza right now--and many places too, I want to take them to an activity that will make them feel better about life in Gaza.
So it took me some time, but I have finally figured it out, I will be taking them to Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament. Think about it....everyone at the show is scary looking and looks like they can really hurt you.
Little food, everyone is armed, there's no power, just candles. No fuel or cars to people use horses--also common in Gaza. They do not bathe back then as often. And yes wars, and diseases are everywhere around you. I think being part of this show will allow them to see the good things about Gaza. What do you think?
Sure, they are the most loving, caring family who often stay close, which means you can never escape them. They are like capitalism where greed is good. They keep moving the goal posts as you approach them. At times, it seems that your own family is never happy with what you have accomplished, and thus they always set the next milestone for you. Like if you tell someone here in America that you got a new job, they just say "Congratulations", but Arab families in some twisted ways would rain on your parade. It turns out that my family are masters of the Back handed compliments, here’s a sample:
“Mom, I met a cool girl!” “Good for you,” she says, “is she from a good family or does she watch MTV all day?”
“I got married!” She says, “Cool, I look forward to the day you will have kids and they will fill the house for us.”--you live in a refugee camp
“Dad, I have a baby girl!” He replies, “Cool, I look forward to the day you have a boy who will protect that princess.”
“Brother, I got accepted into the Master's Program!” “Cool,” he says, “I look forward to the day you get your PhD.”
“Sister, I got offered a job I have been wanting for a long time!” “Congrats, I look forward to the day you will have your own business.”
“Grandpa, I bought a new car.” “Cool! I look forward to seeing this car trashed as it gives you joy and utility.”
“Honey.... I hit my head!” “Sorry to hear that, I look forward to you living longer and hitting your head a few more times.”
On Facebook, you put a picture of a nice dish you made, and your cousin writes you this comment, "I look forward to the day you have kids who will savor their mother's cooking!"
“Mom, I just got accepted into Harvard!” “Congratulations, one day you will make a nice doctor”--what she refuses to believe is that you will be studying fashion design.
If the first thought on your mind is “WTF!”, then we are on the same page.
Such comments are sometimes innocent and mean no harm, but sometimes, they are meant to zing you. Bringing one some humility, as a reminder they still have a long way to go. They are rarely meant to make the case that you are not good enough!
My issue with such comments is that they are no longer about you. The family members hijack your news and write on it all their own wishes and dreams--all the things they think you would like because they themselves value them. It's tiring, really, to keep up with those games. I just keep a low profile and don’t tell my family much.
On a positive note, such wishes keep me going, marching toward the next big thing in life; they give me goals and purpose. I am sure Arabs are not the only ones who do that. Thank goodness there are the Italians.
