Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sand Running

I finally managed to go running on the Gaza beach...at 2 AM....I took my two younger brothers and my nephew and hired a cabbie and hit the beach. I had a good one hour and ten minutes on the sandy beach.

I got fired upon by some Israeli ship when we got in an unmarked dark area...my nephew told me to run as hard as I can.

It was a humid night with lots small sea boats. The fun thing the cabbie joined our party and chilled with us and took us back home a bit before 4 AM. My legs were sore the next morning from running on the sand.
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Monday, June 29, 2009

Rocking The Strip (Not Israeli Style)

Quick Update...

I made it to Gaza, a day before the official day I was supposed to get in. I got luck twice....I made it to the deportation room five minutes before they gather all those poor Gazans to ship them to the Rafah Border corssing....most people have waited for a day...few for 4 days...I waited for five minutes....the borders was supposed to open Saturday....but becasue there was a disabled sport team returning to Gaza from a Tunisian Olimpics...they deported all of us together....we were 30 people. They opend the borders for us--Friday it is a holiday and they local Palestinain govervenment opend the gateway as well. There were few setbacks, minor ones...but I made it home...and surprised almost everybody.

The moment I got in and smelled the fresh trash smell in Rafah, I said "I am home for real now"
Finding a cap to take home was a tough negotation process, but I came out a winner and got a ride to the door....the first person to see me at the door was my nephew, Omar he is 17 years old...and he's gotten tall and got himself a nice Saudi Goatee....then my mom came down the stairs running with my older sister Fatin and my sister in Law Amani....dang it felt good to be Home.

I have been keeping good on my promise, no sugar in my tea, no salt on my eggs, and NO soda. I doubt I can keep this, but I am trying

A possible spoiler, I might be engaged by the end of the week! I already met the girl (we have bee communicating for more than 4 months now)...she is really something spcial....more details to come.
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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

14th Annual Dearborn Arab International Festival (Updated)

14th Annual Dearborn Arab International Festival
is on its way. KABOBfest Bloggers on the scene of the annual Dearborn Arab InternationalAACC-Fest08 (2) Festival where all the action is. It's a typical Arab gathering: food, kids, and business. Of course, It's not an Arab gathering until recruiters from the F BI, CIA, Army, and National Guard make an appearance. A Mosaic of Arab and non-Arab vendors grace the festival. Small Hookah shops, local favorite eateries, small and large charities as well as Sam's Club and Comcast all have presence in the festival. Cultural performances by local talents were ongoing thoughout the festival, Debkeh baby!, Syrian Jams. The Festival started late Friday and goes on till Sunday 21st of June 2009. In addition to the tasty food, the hip t-shirts, exotic jeweleries, good looking people, there were politicians pandering to our people. Kids also have their own tents where they can get all sorts of painting on their faces and all sorts of fun rides. And since this is Dearborn, there are tables for a group promoting Christ. Not to be outdone, no shortage of good hearted Muslim capitalists making a buck of the religion. Not Sold Yet? How about 99 cent falafel Sandwiches? Here are few raw videos taken for the festival and its patrons.

Random Hookah Guy
Iraqi Singer Does Dearborn Festival
Iraqi Singer Does Dearborn Festival...Again
The Speeches @ Arab American Festival 2009 Ribbon Cutting Ceremony
Food and Foodies
Hardely Arab Business....
Born Again Shouts His Heart Out @ Festival

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Doctors Are Fun


I went to see my doctor for my regular appointment...he is German mind you. He informed me that I was three pounds over my healthy weight. So I shaved me chest hair and called it good.

My eye doctor told me I need to improve my eye sight by half a point, almost impossible on my mind. She insisted I can do it. I said sure, I took her to the nearby Hooters and said "Do your exam now, do your exam here"
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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Top 11 Signs You Are @ ADC Convention

dancingI love the ADC convention and always have a grand time meeting people, mingling and learning. But there is nothing perfect; all you can do is plan and hope for the best. Here are few signs that you are at an ADC convention or at any other Arab gathering.

registration

1. Your registration is messed up, either the name is misspelled or the number of tickets is off. An intern will go out of his/her way to fix the problem and make sure your “Dr” title is visible from a mile away.

VIP12. You are constantly told you are a VIP Registrant, even though you know you are a plumber by profession and a political scientist by training. On top of that your wife hates her lousy luck and curses the day she met you. No apologies to Joe the Plumber.

3. You are speaker for the convention, but nobody seems to know who you or what you have actually accomplished. Ralph Nader is the exception, everybody knows who he is even the hotel staff celebrate him.

4. There is a creepy old man stalking you wherever you go and by Sunday he ends up making you a marriage proposal and buying you a home that you do not have to share with his first wife who is way too sick to satisfy all his wildest dreams.creepy-blog

5. There is always that girl that tries too hard to get attention from all those successful bachelors yet somehow out of shape males. Like a female friend of mine who refused to acknowledge that she knows me in front of a potential husband out of fear he will think she is “easy.”

6. In order to get a press pass, few individuals pause as media moguls to get a free access to the various convention events. Such fire crackers; writers and journalists who have actually never written or published anything. In fact few of them seem not even know what personal email is, but that does not stop them from acting like kingmakers; king is a substitute for poop.

creepy7. It’s not a party until this guy shows up with a clear, but simple agenda; drink, party and shags anything that walks. But that’s not all, this person instead of seeing himself as a pervert he truly believes he is being selfless by claiming to be offer a service to the “oppressed” Arab females by being open minded.

8. The frustrated idealists who thinks that we as community are being lazy and in order to be saved, we need to listen to his/her spiel about the latest round of conspiracy theories that put Libertarians to shame.

bartender9. You know the food will be great even though there is complete ban on all pork products in the hotel kitchen, but drinking liberally is still ok. Cash bars extend as far the eye can see—Muslims give the bartenders the most business.

fbi10. Various government agencies act for the weekend of the convention like they value what you (the Arabs) have to say about lousy services (i.e. a botched water boarding, a deportation gone bad, wiretapping gone bananas)

11. The wacky convention attendees who claim to donate thousands of dollars to ADC, but yet are not able to pay 10 dollars to get into the party. While on the subject, seriously ADC, can you ask convention attendees to keep their name badges visible at all times?

[Tarboush Tip: Yousef, Jehad]

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If Buttholes Can Fly....

a380_super-[gadling-bumper]
This man would defiantly be an airport!

Never mind the global financial crisis, the hunger in Somalia, the Siege on Gaza, the chaos in Iraq, the bloodbath in Pakistan, the gruesome demonstrations in Iran, the swine flu scare and Haifa Wahby's latest music video.
Saudi Prince al-Waleed bin Talal is living La Vida Loca. The Saudi Prince will be coughing 488 million dollars for a sweet ride. If true, this would be the first airplane from the new Airbus A380 sold to a private owner. At $488 million price tag, this sure would be the most expensive private jet ever built in the history of mankind. The Saudi Prince whose is known around the world for two things, his philanthropic work his monumental bad call on the Citi Bank Stocks is back in the news again.

Some mad heart-broken designer looking for a rebound sat down somewhere in a European capital to jot down the craziest and most extravagant airplane human can ever dream of. where do we begin? Being a gigantic airplane, it comes equipped with an elevators, a ramp where fancy cars can be chauffeured and parked in the airplanes belly. As all wealth business men know, when you are traveling you need to relax and kick back. But not to worry, here is what we know the jet comes with a Turkish bath, a concert hall, a steam room and if you want to hit the sack, you can choose between the five private sleeping quarters. But if the prince does not like you too much, you can plan on spending your night in one of the 20 normal first class sleeper suites.

Being wealthy also requires one to occasionally work, that's why the jet comes equipped with a full functioning board room that has all the gadgets big boys like to play with like awesome huge TV screens.

Jealous yet? As the story goes, the Airbus has a room with a floor made from a giant screen that will stream live the images form below the airplane. Put that on your Google map and smoke it for a while.

I mean it's his money, no one is saying anything about that, he can waste it all if he liked, but when I read the news about the snazzy jet, my jaws dropped at a faster rate than the Prince's Citi Bank Stocks.

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Monday, June 15, 2009

Gold Diggers in Gaza?Gold Diggers in Gaza?

1182031237_13861Follow up to Nawal's Post about arranged marriages in Gaza and elsewhere...

Sky High unemployment rates, combined with across the board poverty, closure and made worse by a political showdown label the tiny strip of land known as Gaza these days. Gaza residences are facing a wave of social changes. First there was the social organization setting unwed couples, and now this. With great poverty comes great need to adapt. Young Gazan men are settling for less than what they thought they can score. Bachelors in Gaza now overlook the looks for their potential spouse (Feminists cheer?) and focus on one factor, the future spouse’s employment.

The article interviews Kamal Ammar, a handsome man well in his mid thirties who has failed to find a job despite all his genuine efforts to do so. He finally caved in under family pressure to get hitched to woman that has a paying job. His future wife works for the UNRWA where monthly salaries can reach to $1,000. Ammar says that this is not how he envisioned his future and agrees that his lady is not the prettiest. This guy makes me wonder, where does he get all his confidence from? He’s out of a job, probably out of shape and has hair in all the wrong places and none where it matters. Ouch! But I think Mr. Ammar is a jerk for publicly stating that his future wife is not what he dreamed of (What no more sexy Haifa Wahbi wannabes around?) He also mentioned that people are envious of his catch.

The article also interviews Ruwa, a 27 year old college graduate who states that the first question suitors ask is if she holds a job and once they learn that she does not have a job, they pause and leave the house. Frustrated, Ruwa no longer meets with such suitors and prefers seclusion.

Haleema Asad, an employed young woman who has just gotten married to a Gaza man who only makes $250 a month, but she says “I am married now and we have to spend the rest of our lives together.” Ms. Asad is sure honest, “I do not deny that my beauty is limited, but god did me well be getting me this job that helped me secure a husband.” The article makes it seem that all employed women in Gaza are not the best looking ones, which could be true, because the good looking ones get pursued sooner and bite the dust, in the meantime the average looking ones or the sweet spirits as we used to call them in college, have to get a job to look more attractive as part of the package.

While I take issues with the materialistic look people in Gaza have developed now toward marriages, there might be a good thing out of this where more women will be motivated to seek employments to secure a marriage. Thus, more families wouldn’t mind their daughters going to school and seeking further education. As apparent from this story, tunnels are not the only things are being dug in Gaza.

[Tarboush Tip: Wisam]

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18 Signs of an Arabic Dance Party

saddamdanceADC will be having its annual convention this weekend. When I think of the ADC convention, I think of all the great speakers. I also remember their dance parties where many young and old Arabs flaunt their moves and get their groove on, often in hope of finding a mate. I reflected back on those dance parties and other dance parties that involve a substantial number of dancing Arabs. There are many signs you are at an Arabic dance party. From the field research I conducted, I discovered the 18 essential markers that scream "Arabic Dance party":

1. The first guy to volunteer to start up the dance is a middle-aged, mustached, bald man wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I do not care where you are or whether it is a wedding or a social mixer. This random bald guy will mysteriously show up and jumpstart your party.

bdphoto2. Arabs like foreign objects. Swords, daggers, sticks, canes and candles are all items that make a guest appearance at Arabic dance parties. Old, young, male or female, they will pick up their prop and swing it at your dance. Join in at your own risk and watch your head.

3. Kaffya may symbolize the resistance and struggle of a people, but on the dance floor no one resists the idea of wrapping that colorful scarf around their waist or head to improve your dance floors’ reputation. Like we just got back from a Lebanon rally, let’s put those scarves to good use. I am sure wanting attention has nothing to do with utilizing those scarves.

bhangra-dance-party14. Arabs seldom dance as couples; it is mainly a solo act or with a friend. If a guy dances passionately with a girl, she is his first cousin; if they are really intimate and into it, then they are siblings. But not to panic, we're not judging.

5. Arabic dances are more democratic—everyone is welcome to dance. The fatter you are the, sexier your moves will look. Tall and small, young and old, straight or not they can also look good moving those hips—and as we know hips do not lie. Unlike other dances, everyone is equal.

newnagi6. The Lebanese might not have many things to unite them, epically in politics, but nothing brings them all together holding hands and acting in a unified manner as debka ring. When the speakers blast “al Tanoura” song or whatever Fares Karam is singing these days, the Lebanese—and I mean all Lebanese—will come knocking with a case of happy feet. No one can keep up with them then.

7. The DJ has an advanced graduate degree in social work to compensate for his insecurities of being looked down upon by the unsatisfied older and younger Arabs whom he sends away without playing their favorite Nancy Ajram song.

old-style-phd-logo8. Arab guys at the dance floor have only two moves. The first is the hand twist, and the second is the wandering finger. Sorry dudes, but the ladies got the best moves. Any attempt to match their moves you risk being called names (Ask for my emergency landing move.)

9. Arabs must have invented outsourcing; you could have 50 Arab girls in one room, but the only dancer who has her dance outfit on is a white girl from Cleveland that speaks no Arabic, but has a weird vintage Arabic name. Unfortunately most Arab women are in a handicap situation; dance or not dance is a lose-lose situation.

dabke310. If you are a girl on the dance floor and guy tries to put money in your pocket then you are trying too hard, step it down a bit. I think men from the Gulf and Morocco often make that mistake. If you are a guy and another guy gives you money, could it be because you are dressed like a pimp?

11. It’s a safe rule: the hairier the Arab dude, the better dancer he is -- underlying the laws of aerodynamics. Their dancing skills are proportional to the density of the hair on their chests. It’s only natural you work with what you have; since undewear modeling is out, dancing is the next natural move.

08_08_club_lazeez_12_lrg12. Getting Arab men to dance is like asking them to donate a kidney—they want to help, but are unsure how goofy the idea seems. Arabs are very self conscious; more so than the Mormon kids I know.

13. By the end of the evening, the dance room will smell like a fusion of your favorite leather and wood fragrance and garlic-cured lamb. While on the subject for reasons unknown 3 out of 4 Arab males wear Hugo Boss!
instyle3
14. With the exception of the fun-loving people of Lebanon, no two Arabs dance alike; everyone has a unique style and distinctive moves. So if you want to learn how to dance, ask only one person, but watch everyone else. Otherwise trying to find conformity in the Arabic dance floor is like herding cats.

15. Some guys at the dance parties will be overdressed (and I mean dressed in a manner that screams, “hey, I am late for the business fantazia2meeting!”). They dress and act like they’ve got something important to do when in fact they do not, and the only call they will get on their flashy phone is a call from their mom asking if they’ve met anyone special. Not with that attitude, they won’t!

16. The thinnest guys at the Arab parties are the players in the house. Their confidence in their looks and charm makes them overlook that fact that they are being complete jerks by being so damn cute. You might have to constantly remind them that this is not a strip club because they look at the women like they're at one.

17. Arabs at a dance might not give the bartender a whole lot of business, but they sure love their Red Bull and Coke. slice_01A modified a snow cone stand will do, easy on the brain freeze Ahmad.

18. Despite everything they do, most Arab girls at dances are not lesbians, they just grind on each other and shake themselves on each other because they're feeling frisky but the family and its spies are watching. Do not be surprised if you see all-girl dance circles—they are just being good Arab girls.

[Tarboush Tip: Maggie, Don, Ru]

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Ms. Johanson Step Aside Meet a New Starlet

Last week, American actress turned singer Scarlet Johanson released a new album titled "Anywhere I Lay My Head". On the other side of the world,

Somaia El Khashab

Egyptian actress turned singer Somaia El Khashab just released a new hit song "3ayzak Keda" عايزاك كدة, just in time for the summer and its crazy parties. The new song is actually pure fun with a twisty and a compelling story. The song's strength shows in the fresh and authentic lyrics, the music does the job, although later in the song you get to hear a traditional musical instrument. Somaia who in the past made headlines since the early days of her career where she shared the screen with Adel Imam, the Egyptian Funny man. Somaia actually had couple of racy scenes that got mid aged Arab men with nothing to do a cause to be angry about. Here are few of her provocative scenes (Scene 1, Scene 2, Scene 3)

She has also been known as the go to starlet if you want nudity in your film and Somaia has been more than generous in showing some skin. Well, I think this song will put her past behind her and I believe with this music video the starlet has a new promising career. But the moment I watched the video and listened to the song, I was pleased with her performance, her voice and her grace. We just never know, her song might be the best Arabic summer song, a hit song coming from an actress is almost unheard of.


As far as the video clip goes, it was filmed in Lebanon, the go to place for talents, and dazzling looks. The music video shatters two myths about the Middle East. The first is that the Middle East does not have good looking people who happen to be fit. The second there is a water shortage in the area, as clear from the video, there is plenty of water to splash your buddies with. I like the editing and the director's vision in keeping viewers wanting to see a little bit more without cheapening the video. And of course being an actress, you can see Somaia happy and enjoying life without trying too hard to act.

Finally, the great thing about the song is its fast pace that gets you fired up and yet lyrics that speak to you and to your senses. In other word, you could both jog listening to it while others can get their emotional dose chasing butterflies. I might end up being in the minority, but I now I want to hear more of Somaia El Khashab.



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Thursday, June 11, 2009

When It Rains It Freaking Pours

We land in Dulles Airport in Virginia, we make it in good times—the ride from Spain was really bumpy, it made me think it was take interns to work day. We get taxied to the terminal where the international arrivals are and start lining up for custom and immigration procedures. The line was really long, so I started reading a book I brought with me. When it was my turn, I step up and the officer asked me the regular questions and asked me to put my fingers and index on some device, he took pictures of me withot my glasses then he asked while looking at my passport, “So, what country issued this passport?” but as he asked he flipped it and saw it’s the Palestinians authority….he wanted to feel good about his silliness so he suggested I move the many stickers—I tried. Now he asked me if I had food with me, I said yes, because I bought some cookies from Spain…then comes the big question…”do you have any tobacco with you?” I said yes, but I bought it here—Nicaraguan cigars for dad. I guess lots of people buy Cuban cigars in Spain which is banned in the States, but abundant in Spain. The officer said it does not matter, you are bringing them to the country, I was thinking to myself, “I mean my luggage was not with me, I was never allowed to leave the airport, he can see that, so whatever” He sends me to the custom people who send me to the agriculture people.

I waited for 10 minutes until, I was called upon, but an officer Zudamo is her last name. she looks at the cookies I brought with me, I also had some Spanish olives…she said ok. Then she said did you bring any tobacco with you? I said, Yes, but it is purchased in America. She said ok, she wrote things on her computer and then asks me what I was denied intro to the great country of Egypt. How do you explain that? I said, it is a political thing, I was not going to Egypt, but they do not want me hanging by the borders, because the more of us hanging by the borders the worse the Egyptians look, no one wants that. She understood what I was saying and kept on typing. Then she asked to see my luggage and examine it, she found nothing worthy of her attention—a small gift I had with me gave her smiles and I think she warmed up to me after that. Now, she said she wanted to see the cigars! I smiled and I told her that wasn’t possible and I handed her a sheet of paper. She looked at the paper and logged into her computer, typing things. She asked her colleague what to do in this scenario; her colleague told her the proper procedure. She handed me my sheet back, it was a form for lost luggage—the airline lost my luggage because in the rush to board me back on the same plane in Cairo, they did not handle it properly. They gave me a record of them taking it, but she could not find them in her computer system since their manually inputted.

As I was leaving, I said to her, “When it rains it pours”, she smiled and said “it really does” 48 hours later, 30 hours of flying and now I am back to square one—my friends Jehad and Carlos were patiently waiting for me at the airport terminal.

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

21 Reasons America Blows Europe Out of the Water

Spending two days stranded in European airports and flying with the Spanish airlines makes me an expert on Europe and its affairs. I love Europe, both the old one and the new one, but I think America’s got them by the nuggets. While it is true that Europeans used to be healthier than Americans, the trend is shifting--Europeans waists are gradually growing in diameter as they abandon their dull diet. I know Europeans are notorious for making fun of Americans and their lifestyle. I had to think about few things that America got right while Europe was taking a nap.

1. America has way better, faster, and cheaper Wi-Fi: for an hour of Internet in a European airport you can feed a needy Afghani family for two weeks and have enough change to buy yourself a dirty magazine to celebrate your good deed.

2. European money looks like Monopoly money. Seriously, the Euro bills are wacky, funky colors, tiny, and boring. When the cashier handed me my change back, I was like, “I gave you a nice, clean, crisp dollar bill, and all I get is a ‘Go Directly to Jail!’ note.”

3. Everything in Europe is smaller, and I mean every freaking thing. Their coffee cups are far too small, Euro baguettes are microscopic, and their donuts do not hit the spot. Cars are too environmentally conscious to function. Hello, have you ever tried to buy a Coke in any European Capital? Both Volume and Portion are smaller.

4. By not speaking their native tongue, Europeans assume that you disrespect them or that you are an ignorant bastard. Thus you know deep down the well-meaning people of Europe are on a mission to teach you something new about how awesome Europe really is.

5. American Starbucks in Europe sells more coffee in one day than all European coffee houses combined. McDonalds in Europe sells more meals per day than all restaurants in Europe combined. While America runs on Dunkin, Europe runs on Starbucks.

6. American companies or their subsidiaries own all the major brands of Europe—Lays, Orbit, Coca-Cola, CNN, Time magazine. And even Gold’s Gym is a popular fitness center—the idea that American getting Europeans to slim down is priceless.

7. With the exception of Steven Seagal, no American goes to Europe to be famous. Most famous Europeans are so because they made it to America—I am looking at you Christian Bale, Penelope Cruz, Arnold, and Amy Winehouse! (But maybe this one is famous because she is insane rather than European.) Even the snootiest of Europeans will concede the fact that America dominates pop culture and everyone else is playing catch up.

8. Arab immigrants in America, although facing many unique challenges and struggles, are far happier and far more integrated than their peers in Europe. They also have more education and better jobs than their peers in Europe. America is known for its more flexible class barrier.

9. Europeans do not clean up after themselves in restaurants. Eating at a number of self-service cafes and restaurants in the airport, I was shocked to see people walk away and leave their garbage behind. This actually reminds me of back home, where we as little boys eat and somehow the dishes get washed and mysteriously disappear. To be fair, Americans only do that at movie theater.

10. It is true Europe has a much more sophisticated culture and a richer history than the States, but I would trade all of that at any moment for an iPod. Who cares about what some dead dude said or did not say hundreds of years ago? The future is whatever Steve Jobs and Bill Gates say it will be. Van Gogh, Picasso, Dali did some fine paintings, but if it was not for Google search, few would have seen their masterpieces.

11. Europeans smoke a lot more than Americans do. This is odd because Europeans have always been conscious of adopting healthy practices—at least since the plague. Not to worry, American tobacco companies make all the profits from killing the Europeans. America strives to play fair in their dealings with the world. Thus, American weapons kill Arabs, and also American tobacco companies are killing Europeans.

12. American public restrooms are superior to the European ones, maybe because Americans eat a lot more than the Europeans do--and therefore they spend, on average, a lot more time unloading--has something to do with maintaining clean and neat restrooms. The Europeans bathroom really scares me, and to make things worse I had a guy yell at me in Spain to give him some toilet paper as he was standing in the urinal holding his fun size rocket—no, it wasn’t Senator Larry Craig either.

13. Americans are the world’s most popular tourists according to several sources, namely in Jerusalem and in Oman. They are approachable, fun loving, adventurous, neat, and they tip will. In Europe it’s a mixed bag: Italians are fun, but not so neat; Germans are unapproachable, good tippers they are not; the French are fun loving, but socially awkward, and the Greeks are the messiest of them all.

14. For all the sex and romance that pops to mind when people talk about their vacation in Europe, Europe’s population is aging and shrinking, while Americans engage in baby making sex. According to my ancient grandma, "no babies no sex"

15. Americans eat a lot more dark chocolate than Europe—a much healthier choice than milk infused chocolate. Due to the lack of great American-made milk chocolate, more Americans opt for the dark chocolate, rich in antioxidants and better for the heart tissue. If you are in Europe, it is really hard to resist the seduction of the silky and smooth milk chocolate bars that are as easily obtained as a beer keg in the Iraqi Green Zone.

16. Diversity is wonderful. In America however, we all seem to agree to speak English to both friends and strangers and we do not investigate the other person to see what language they speak—at least not as much they do in Europe. Pretty much every country has its own language and every region has its own dialect. That can be a hassle when you are traveling cross Europe. Do you speak English in France and suffer the consequences? Or do you try your Spanish in Spain only to find out that the cashier’s English is rustier than your Spanish. In America, no need to put your twang on as you are heading to Texas, people will understand you. For the record though, some find it hard to make out what I say most of the time, just like when you are at an authentic Chinese restaurant.

17. Because only Jack Bauer from American show “24” can stop and neutralize the bad guys, Europe cannot even come close in introducing their own version of tough detective saving French lives. Jack is Back! Inspector Jacques Clouseau is so fired!

18. Americans males do not shy away from giving a piece of themselves to a just cause. The cause is stopping the spread of sexual transmitted diseases, and the piece they give is their foreskin.

19. Americans are better drivers, American driving skills are far superior, and Americans have to put up with a lot less traffic than their counterparts in major European cities. Also American can navigate the road while changing songs on their iPod, text massaging, and talking on blue tooth. So much for the European public transportation system helping to lower the congestion. Europeans pay much higher gas taxes, even higher car taxes, a lot more tolls, and there is almost no free parking.

20. Because real men do not sunbathe in Speedos.

21.?

[Tarboush Tip: Lyndsay]


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Tuesday, June 09, 2009

To Cairo and Back

  1. Now an officer in uniform walk with me to make sure I leave, he expedited some of the security procedures and he was talking friend conversations as we walk through the airport. His rank was Moqadem I know this because someone else revered to him as such.
  2. I guess the trip was great since I now know for sure that I am swine flue free, thanks to the good medical teams of Egypt. 30 minutes was enough to kick me out of their country and ensure that I do not have any flu.
  3. Now here comes the surprise, the officer asks me to give him some money for his help. Now, this was a classic Fuck you moment! First he was doing his job—keeping his country safe from “dangerous” people like myself. He is an officer of the law and he is now asking for a kickback. I said, look I am being deported man…you think I had time to go to the bank? Or even grab some cash…I told him I had only 5 Euros on me. He said, “Anything would be good!” Now, I wasn’t gonna have it, now he got on my nerves. His bosses are kicking me out of Egypt and he wants to collect from me for doing his job. In short he wanted me to pay him to do his job which is keeping Egypt safe. Here is what I told him, word for word “You see, I am being kicked out of your country man, Egypt the country I love and grew up studying its history and geography,” “I didi not do anything wrong, I am going to see my family and you guys do not let me,” “This is insane and goes against God’s law” “you think, if I was a threat to your country American will let me live, work and prosper there?” I guess the poor Egyptian officer was asking me to reward him for his help deporting me out of Egypt faster. Do not we all love to get things done faster? I know I do.
  4. He nodded his head and said nothing. Then he got up walked me into another gate, said you are now on your own. To lighten the mode, I asked him to come with me to Madrid where I will treat him, he laughed and said “Me, Madrid” and walked away.
  5. I walk into the plane—the one I came on form Madrid with the same crew who one of them recognized me the moment I walked in and said, “You again!” I guess not too many people ask for 4 cups of coffee and wear thick Giorgio Armani eyeglasses. He asked me what happened and I almost joked about having the swine flu. But instead I told him it is paperwork; he was genuinely interested to learn more. He said “Why would they do that, you are not going to Israel!” I said “Go figure” He was a full Spanish man in his early 30s and that what it took to state the obvious.
  6. Lesson Learned: Going into another Arab country for an Arab is nothing short of the night club experience. Just like in order to get in one of those, you cannot just have a pass (a visa) but you can get your name on a list. The person who puts you on the list is a thug and a high school dropout who makes a living from judging people and discriminating against others. Also in the club, if you say one wrong word or a word out of line, they will toss you out, black list you and band you from ever coming to the establishment. No wonder they do not have any major night clubs in Arabia, each country is like a night club where
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Monday, June 08, 2009

Ms. Johanson Step Aside Meet a New Starlet

Last week, American actress turned singer Scarlet Johanson released a new album titled "Anywhere I Lay My Head". On the other side of the world,

Somaia El Khashab

Egyptian actress turned singer Somaia El Khashab just released a new hit song "3ayzak Keda" عايزاك كدة, just in time for the summer and its crazy parties. The new song is actually pure fun with a twisty and a compelling story. The song's strength shows in the fresh and authentic lyrics, the music does the job, although later in the song you get to hear a traditional musical instrument. Somaia who in the past made headlines since the early days of her career where she shared the screen with Adel Imam, the Egyptian Funny man. Somaia actually had couple of racy scenes that got mid aged Arab men with nothing to do a cause to be angry about. Here are few of her provocative scenes (Scene 1, Scene 2, Scene 3)

She has also been known as the go to starlet if you want nudity in your film and Somaia has been more than generous in showing some skin. Well, I think this song will put her past behind her and I believe with this music video the starlet has a new promising career. But the moment I watched the video and listened to the song, I was pleased with her performance, her voice and her grace. We just never know, her song might be the best Arabic summer song, a hit song coming from an actress is almost unheard of.


As far as the video clip goes, it was filmed in Lebanon, the go to place for talents, and dazzling looks. The music video shatters two myths about the Middle East. The first is that the Middle East does not have good looking people who happen to be fit. The second there is a water shortage in the area, as clear from the video, there is plenty of water to splash your buddies with. I like the editing and the director's vision in keeping viewers wanting to see a little bit more without cheapening the video. And of course being an actress, you can see Somaia happy and enjoying life without trying too hard to act.

Finally, the great thing about the song is its fast pace that gets you fired up and yet lyrics that speak to you and to your senses. In other word, you could both jog listening to it while others can get their emotional dose chasing butterflies. I might end up being in the minority, but I now I want to hear more of Somaia El Khashab.


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Loveless in Cairo International Airport! 2

12. I made it to Cairo international airport and fill the form they gave us. Upon landing, they gave us another form for swine flu and a unit of masked medical professionals take our pictures and take the swine flu forms from us. I proceed to immigration officer who sees my passport and looks at me asking me if I have a residence in Egypt or a visa at least—he already saw my green card. I say no, but someone had put my name on the list. He says OK, and asks me to take seat in the corner. I wait for few minutes, remember I have been there before in 2005, a non uniform wearing young gun comes to me and ask me to follow him, he takes me to rather fat officer with a distinctively large butt. The officer asks me what I do for living, and what the purpose of my visit is. Then he asks me to go back to my seat.
13. During that time a non uniformed man comes up to me and tells me he has my luggage, both of them and tells me he will bring them, but I have to take care of him—give him a bribe. I was like whatever, I am not thinking with you guy. The officer calls me back and asks me the name of the person who supposedly put my name on the list, I gave him the names and he makes a phone call, also asking me to wait outside again.
14. I see my passport being moved around the officers like a soccer ball, and all of sudden an officer comes to me with three other civilians telling me that I will have to go back to Madrid because they could not find my name on any lists. A representative of Iberia airline comes along and tell me that we need to hurry up so that I can make it to the same plan I came on, we arrived at 10:20 PM Cairo time and the airplane takes off at 11:00 PM forty minutes later of my arrival.
15. I was frustrated with the outcome, but I tried to keep my cool and go with the flow, now the guy who earlier asked me for a kickback to give my luggage shows up with one of them and goes to grab the other, when he comes back he askes me to be generous—I was not on fire, I told him, I am not going to give him anything since I did not make it to Egypt and I am being deported, he was disappointed by understood, walked away.
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