Thursday, December 30, 2010

75 Percent Off

I live few blocks from a Target store, and every Christmas they bring all the fixings for this holiday...of course people who celebrate Christmas buy those lights, tress, and Christmas branded chocolates and other goods.

Two days after Christmas, their 75 percent off clearance signs come out and you star seeing the agnostics, atheists, Jews and the Hijab wearing Muslim ladies line up on those racks to pick those heavily discounted merchandise. Of course, I buy as much Christmas branded dark chocolate as possible. So at 75% off, you can get those who do not traditionally observe Christmas to celebrate it. This is America man....

We all love this holiday, everyone sees the Christmas spirit, some pay 100 percent for the experience others pay only 20% of face value. Some celebrate it on the 25th of December, I celebrate it too...two days later
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Monday, December 27, 2010

Naughty Boy Assange

On Christmas day....

WikiLeaks Julian Assange Signs $1.3 Million Book Deal

Sure the US thinks he is the devil, but evidently, Santa Clause thought he is a good least good enough to get a cool 1.3 millions.
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Saturday, December 25, 2010

Stories, I Won't Share

So you heard the jokes about how women like to shop, they do. But the thing is, Roa is a bit more creative about her love for shopping. Here is how it goes, "Hani, we need to buy you new shirts and slacks." So we go to the mall and pick shirts and slacks...for HER.

I am the guy who likes to be on time for all his commitments and appointments, I can be ready for anything in ten minutes. Roa on the other hand takes 40 minutes; 10 minutes to be read and 30 minutes the time it takes me to convince her she really looks good and thus ready.
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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Santa and Bin Ladin — Lots in Common

I never thought about Santa Claus having so much in common with the world’s number one terrorist. After all, there was news of some wannabe terrorist wanting to blow up a Christmas tree. But it only took me a few minutes to come up with a list of things those two figures have in common. So in the Spirit of Christmas and increased terrorist activities, I present this list of commonalities.

  1. They both appeal to the young ones and promise to reward them with things if they cooperate, or punish them if they do not.
  2. The both appear at a special time of the year and make their presence known.
  3. Some people go to great lengths to take their pictures.
  4. Some people debate their existence.
  5. The scope of their work and its effectiveness is debated.
  6. Some people take them to be religious figures.
  7. They both indulge in guilty pleasures: cookies for Santa and Whitney Houston for Osama.
  8. They are both operate in the dark when you are asleep.
  9. They live faraway in a place we never even knew existed.
  10. They both star in publications, including movies, music posters, and books.
  11. They have a loyal army of workers who are as committed and dedicated as they are, blindly supported and rarely questioned.
  12. Both tracked by NORAD.
  13. Some countries ban their image.
  14. They both sport beards.
  15. They both ship packages.
  16. They both have blacklists.
  17. Both figures are used by superior powers to achieve a higher agenda.
  18. They both wear head gear.
  19. Both are associated with flying objects and flying into buildings.
  20. Controversial endorsement, some think neither should appear on merchandise.
  21. They both have established global franchises and both outsource.
  22. They both have mysterious sources of funding and operation. No one ever audits their books.

[Tarboush Tip: Kellee K, and Suneela Mubayi]

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Monday, December 20, 2010

an ER Breakup Gone Bad

Last week I went to the ER in the Washington Hospital Center, I was later told I was dehydrated and may have vertigo. Aside from that, at the Emergency Room (ER), there was this late 20s white guy who was brought in by the ambulance, not sure what his problem was but he annoyed the heck out of me.

He was on his stretcher, and on his cell phone the entire time talking in a very loud fashion. It was so annoying to me that it seemed he was speaking into my ear. That's not the worst part....

He was on the phone with his girlfriend, and he was very abusive to her...F this F that...Hell this hell that....It was really mad seems that his girlfriend was bothered by his verbal abuses and it was not hard to see why. He annoyed me with his language and I do not even know him. Then he got into "If you are not going to be there for me, when I am in the ER, then ...etc."

"I am the way I am, I talk like that...I say Sh*&, Fuc& all the time and it's not directed toward you, I just say these thing."

then things got heated as his girl was very broken down with this call, then this dude flips out...and says to the person on the other line, "F You and this is directed toward you!" and then he hangs up.

It was so random and so out of place, ER is not the place to be abusive and breaking up with people...ER should bring people together...but not this guy...I do not know him, but he sounded like royal jerk
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Saturday, December 18, 2010

Naturally Skinny Models

You would think with how skinny models and beauty queens are nowadays, more naturally skinny people would enter the business. But you are so wrong. Those skinny models starve themselves to get attention....while the people of Somalia, Central African Republic who are naturally starving--not by choice. They do not hear from any agents or talent managers, unfortunately no one is knocking their door.

It would make sense, instead of having to get training in starving oneself, you only need to hire the naturals. Go Africa. Do it for those poor white skinny girls who have to give up food....please only hire the naturals.

Somewhere in Africa, a kid looks at those models and say, "they pay them to starve themselves?" "I have been doing the same all my life and no one ever paid me anything." Thanks Bono.
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Friday, December 17, 2010

Toilet Humor, when your toilet is too much fun

Have you guys ever gone to a haunted house in your life? I have once before. But now I am beginning to winder if anyone out there has in the history of mankind used a bathroom at a haunted house?
I just need to know if they are able to scare the shit out of you.

I mean a goo start with be to send the constipated dozen and have them test out this theory. This is indeed what they had in mind when they spoke of toilet humor.
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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Find That Pork "Earmarks"

DC politicians and newly elected Tea Party love to hate on earmarks where congressmen get funding for a project in their district in exchange for giving their vote for a legislation. This is a standard procedure in Washington DC, that has been also known as pork. Everyone here hates it, even those who ask for pork hate it but they do not know how to stop the politics of pork.

I do not know one idea is if you want to keep your office pork free, one good start is to hire a Muslim, they really know better than anyone one else how to spot the pork and take it off the table. I mean that, most Americans do not know that there's pork in pretty much everything...a good devout Muslims knows his/her way around a world full or pork. So if you want to kill the pork here in DC, look for an Ahmad and give him a job.
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Monday, December 13, 2010

Letter From a Flood Victim

Since the comedy show was to benefit the people of Pakistan and the flood victims in that country. I wanted share a letter from one of the victims of the flood with the audience of the comedy show to give an idea of the size of the tragedy:

We are under attack, we do not know where to go, or who to blame, everything leaks here, no one can stop the flood and the leaks are everywhere, it gets worse and it gets ugly. no one helps us and lives are in danger

--Signed by Hillary Clinton State Department
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Jokes for Pakistan

I had a comedy performance last night, it was only my second time being the MC for a comedy show and I think it went B+. We had a wonderful line up of different comedians, Said Al Durrah, Jeff Mauer, And Sugar Sammy, I had to introduce every comedian and make sure the audience is pumped up for them before they get on the stage....all was fine and not hard to do as I am good as hustling rounds of applauses from people. The trouble started when I had to read the blurs to introduce the comedians in a very dark spot as the lights were I messed up couple of lines here and there.

We had close to 200 people in attendance and my jokes went well, as part of being MC is you get to warm up the crowd with your own jokes and get them excited for the lineup....most people there were working professional and few students in here and there. I was really impressed, some guy under 30 teaches economics at Georgetown....i was really blown away. Lots of good looking people of course. 60 percent of the audience were from Pakistan, 20 percent from India, and the rest are either Arabs or Americans. It felt good to take part of a fundraiser event for something other than Palestine. And the Comedians were a treat...Said did his bit about Palestine and dating, it spoke volumes to the people in there....Jeff did a lot of things about computer support, dating and music taste...Sugar Sammy did a lot about India Pakistan and dating, he was a highlight and very nice guy....picked on everyone including Roa...but pretty much everyone enjoyed his set and his style. The funny thing was that he landed 30 minutes after the show has started and he brought along with him the pilot and the co pilots to the show.
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Friday, December 10, 2010

Wine Lovers Snazzy Lingo

Have you guys noticed the fancy and obnoxious words reviewers and food critics use to review wine? They even have online reference books and dictionaries for words used to describe wine and its taste. I find it the fancier the word to describe a wine, the less effective it will be.

I do not know you sound awfully too sober to be coming up with those kind of words. So you know the alcohol is not doing its job. What the heck words like Sulphury and Vigorous? Earthy? Anyone? are they talking about your ex?

Yeah, if by earthy they mean once you drink it your face will be attached to floor you are buying this wine.
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Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Julian Assange and his Many Leaks

I have been thinking, if you are an extremist in any thing you do, politics, life, food, movies would be really hard to accuse you of being a hypocrite. It's easier to label those who seek the middle or seek a compromise of being hypnotics. One thing purist and extremists have in common is that they are true to what they believe, they do not fudge. Look at Europe for example, they were all about Free Speech and you can argue they had the freest society, up until they started rightfully to exclude questioning or denial of the holocaust. They compromised, now what do you get? the Muslims in Europe were not amused when Europe refused to condemn the prophet Muhammad cartoons. They can rightfully argue the principle of the utility of the freedom of speech. Had the Europeans not compromised and limited freedom of speech, it would be hard to criticize them.

now here me out, here is what I am trying to get at from Raw Story:

On the same day that British authorities arrested WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange on an Interpol warrant, the US State Department announced it would be hosting the United Nation's "World Press Freedom Day" next year

See now many can say the US state Department is being hypocrites with their behavior, in one hand they want to contain the freedom of speech in the case of the leaks. And on the other they boast around the world (mostly to third world countries) about how awesome the press in America and how free they are (which is true ) I know those are different things, but had the US sicked to the purist approach and took their freedom of speech protection far, they would not come across as speaking from both sides of their mouths. i know the US believes in freedom of the press, I see it everyday. But to the outside, it would look really bad, becasue once is too many times. you either stand for freedom of expression, or you do not. No buts and not ifs.....that's how you disarm your opponents. Now repressive regimes will point to this Wikileak incident and tell their people, "See they do not like freedom of Speech" and that will endanger US allies who have been using the West and the US as an explain of how to do things. Those allies have enough challenges, they do not need to defend the US' stand on Freedom of expression, that's not their fight.

Often when a repressive regime does not like some figure and they want to discredit them and eliminate their threat. They would accuse them with a moral (often sex) crimes to drive a rift between them and the common man by doing this character assassination (I remember a couple of cases that took places), if not then intimidate those unwanted figures, and if all fails send them to jail. I cannot help but notice that this case of the Wikileak founder, the West actually learned something from dictators instead of teaching them how to do something, the West is borrowing a page from the undemocratic regimes text book. It does not matter what I know, what matters is how things look from the outside to the rest of the World. It does not look good people. While many individuals living around the world do not really follow what the leaks are about, (there is little or no earth shattering details) many do not really care about it, but the reaction this case I think it made it worse.

At least dictators and extremists are rarely accused of hypocrisy when it comes to principles of not having free press.
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Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Peace to Grandma

So, I woke up today did my morning prayer and i was feeling like listening to some Koran, as I was rebooting my computer, I called my family's home in Gaza to check up on my mom who has not been feeling too well lately (some trouble in her teeth they think). When she did not pick up the phone, i knew she wasn't home, my sister in law picked up the phone and spoke to me.

It turns out that 4 hours prior to my call, my grandpa has just passed away. She is older in mid 80s, she is a bit older than my grandpa. So I am at peace and only hope she passed in peace as i pray for her. My family is now busy with funeral arrangements and receiving people coming to share their condolences. I hope my living grandpa is well take all this in strides. It's a sad day.

Grandma was always nice to me and my siblings becasue my mother and my father have been super sweet to her, my mom took care of her and was the first in daughter in law to live with her and help her with the house chores. Grandma used to have a nick name for me, this nick name was never my favorite, but she the only one that gets away with saying it. Grandma used to have piles of hard candy which he hides in her bosom and she gives to kids to get them to do her favors, she used to sit around the house with a stick to keep the trouble makers away.

Here is the last video I have for my grandparents, you can see her.

Grandma Rifka in Gaza

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Thursday, December 02, 2010

My Sink Leaks

My toilet leaks, not sure what is causing this leak, I think the water is all over the place, the lives and health of my neighborer might be in danger as a result of my toilet leak...The building management said they will investigate. In the meanimte I think I am going to execute my plumber.
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Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Country Music Sells Big

Did you know that country artists sell the most records over any other genera?

My friend Aron Kader, the popular Stand Up comedian thinks this is because people who listen to country music do not have computers to get those songs in other they go to the grocery store and pick them up instead See it here 2:14. Funny and might be true. But I am now beginning to think this high demand on country music can be attributed to another factor.

Food Stamps, everyone knows that Country music is popular in the South, some of those Southern states are among the poorest in the nation. When you are poor, you qualify for food stamps, you take these and at your local grocery store or big box, you can pick up those CDs and pay for them using your food stamp credit card/checks.
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Arabic Musicians Will sell You

Does it ever strike you that most Arab musicians in America, are part timers? No one can afford to do it full time....but that's not the odd thing....the odd about it is this....those musicians when they are not amusing you with their talents, they are busy making a of choice?

Real Estate! You will find most of those musicians are either doing real estate for living or moonlighting as car dealers. Those are the kind of careers where you have be gifted with words and acting like you are on a stage...and if not, then you can count they have some sort of government job working for the local municipality. At least this is how the dozen I know of Arab musicians do it.

Why cannot they just own a grocery store? or a gas station!
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