Humor U SEcond Appearance

I loved the second show we had with the Humor U Troupe, it was a fun show, had new material there, a lot of people and new faces were present. I enjoyed the crowd and the company. This time I did not choke, and I delivered my lines much better than before, I think practice paid of. The troupe was so serious about timing, that I had my roommates yell at me in Arabic once I reach my time. I told them to yell "Allah Akbar" means God is Great. Here is a Teaser of some of what I said:


"Yes, Yes, Yes. I mean a Palestinian, Arab, and Muslim on BYU campus and I cannot have anymore things going against me in a Mormon school. And I Love All of you Big Fat Obnoxious Americans!"

Here is How My American friends Introduce Me to their friends, for some reason, Mormons feel obligated to introduce me to their friends like I was some sort of Freak Show. Here is how they do it: "Hey Adam, Meet My friend Hani, he is not a Mormon, but He is a good man!" I do not get it, but it is not cool. In a way I started countering that hoping that the few people who introduce me in that fashion will get it. Here is what I would say "Hey Ali, Meet my friend Don" "Don is an infidel, but I think we will let him live today!"

My roommate who is a Mac extremist was so upset because I gave away my iPod because everyone has one, he told me that my logic was flawed. His argument went like this "Hani, people wear and have wore pants for ages now, and we still wear pants" That was a good point, but I was not convinced. The Mac extremist roommate wanted to make his point, so he started walking around the apartment without pants to make his point I thought "It was disturbing" But I did not give in, I told him "David, you can walk naked for a week or even three weeks or longer, but Mac still stinks!" By the way I like women just to clarify that I do not have nay ulterior motives.

Guys at BYU, stop complaining to me about your bad luck in getting a girls phone number. I refuse to believe that. If you want a girl’s phone number you can always get it, period. Here is what I do and I hope you all will be writing this down. Once I see a good looking girl on campus, I approach her and say: “Hello, my name is Hani, I am not member of the LDS faith, but I am investigating the Church” “Therefore, I need your number in case I have any questions” Do you think she will refuse to participate in building the Kingdom? Nope. Brothers, not only that you will get her number, you will also get her address, and expect to be invited to the Ward Talent Show. But most importantly that she will show up at your house the next week to bake you good old Mormon Cookies! And guys, You are Welcome!

Some Older Stuff:

So my co-worker approached me the other day with a cool story, he got his first kiss. I would have said "Yeah" but c’mon he is 30 years old. I tried not to laugh to hear the story from my coworker. In a way I was like "Yeah, you do not have other interests! I can be your good friend now" But seriously, I am not LDS and I did better than this guy in the Mormon Capital of the entire world. I mean my co-worker is handsome, but it takes more than handsome in his case. I told you I did better than this guy did. What? Yeah I know it was Spin the Bottle Game, but so what? Mormons are very exclusive in their games and especially when the bottle is being spun.

I freaking hate Sundays in Provo (I did not like them in the East Coast either) But here in Provo, I feel like a homeless person every Sunday because, many strange people walk into my apartment to look for someone or take care of business, most of them do not even knock at the door, they just let themselves in and if there was no one to open the door, they would walk all the way to my room and ask me questions or directions and even give me advice without identifying themselves “Hey, where are you from?” “You could really use a haircut or razors”. I also feel like a homeless person when they bring me food or plats of odd shaped cookies or brownies. I now can leave the US and tell people back home how it feels to be homeless and have strangers give you food.

I told my roommates that I gave my iPod away because everyone has an iPod there days, my roommates were shocked that I would do such thing. So in order to make their point, they started walking around the house without pants to make their point “Everyone wears pants, so we gave ours away!” I got it, but after a while!


I was in the Wilkenson Center at BYU at the other day, and I was setting the booth for the Arabic Club, the LDS missionaries--the ones who are serving the needs of BYU community. Had a booth just cross the hall form me, I thought it was funny coincident because I think the majority of the non-LDS folks on campus were sitting across the hall from them. In fact most the people who were with me have had one missionary come and visit with them and this missionary was just setting cross the hall from them. Anyhow so the elder comes and wants to talk to me, I greeted him and asked him where he was from, he was from Canada! So as a good missionary would do, he wanted to talk about the LDS Church, but before he starts with his pitch, I told him let me tell you this and you can decide if you want to teach me or not. I have been around this campus for about seven years now; I have taken fourteen credits of religion as well as a class on sharing the gospel(where I memorized Section 4 of the D&C). I have also served in the referral center in the MTC (where people call to order copies of the LDS materials) I have taught institute and recently a fireside, and I am still the same religion I was since I came here. Now are you sure you want to waste your time? He smiled "I guess you know everything!" I disagreed, but he understood me. The next day, there was a loaf of bread in my room with a note that reads “Man, cannot live by bread alone” signed by the Canadian missionaries. Nice gesture, but how did he know where I live? I guess the US Patriot Act extends farther than I thought.

Even though I am not a member of the LDS faith, I do notice all the gorgeous people walking on our campus, I do have my own hot lists after all. You know I have a plan when I run into a beautiful lady. I walk to that lady and look here in the eye and say: "You know I am not LDS, but I want your phone n umber in case I wanted to join in so I can look you up" it would be cool if her response "Neither am I" that would be a change, but this never happens. Instead they tend to smile and ignore me--which seems to be very common response I follow it with this "ok, maybe you do not want to go out with me, maybe you like bacon too much-Muslims do not eat bacon- but my friend Donny, he is a good kid and return missionary and he would want to ask you out" "But I am going to need your number"

It is funny world we live in, I have been "hanging out" with this girl I have been friend with for a long time. It was a moment I wanted to upgrade the relationship to the next level, but the moment and only that moment that it seemed the entire campus has decided to also upgrade their relationship with the girl. Many guys have expressed interest and she now is being asked out by everyone and their dog. So I am not sure what to do, now? I am fighter not a lover, but one cannot fight love can they? I cannot compete with an entire campus, heck I do not even have a driving license. But when I remember there is enough for Hani to go around, I feel good.

My laptop was stolen the other day, and I was like, "no way, I just downloaded a new album of iTunes" This is my friends when you know that your laptop sucks and need not to shed tears on it. But it was a good album guys, it breaks my heart.

Regulars night at the laser tag is on Wednesday night so I went with my buddies (at laser tag, I call them gunners) but that Wednesday was Valentine day. I know, I am sorry, I do not feel the love around campus. Since most couples go out to dinners, or dances on the V- day, I thought this would leave us the place unoccupied so we can get to our game on time instead of having to wait around. Wrong I was. The place was crowded, by none but couples. I was shocked. What are these couples doing here? "Let's celebrate that day and express our love by shooting one another" "or love each other so much that we are willing to shot others" I can imagine that these guys will only go to Baghdad for their honeymoon to get their shooting Jolly"

Another laser tag story, as you all know by now, I love Laser tag games and I always play against the regulars or the rejects as some call them. I was having a bad day and I went to the game, there were 20 of us in the hall and we all played, I struggled during the game to keep my record, but it was hard, I got dominated by these nerds. 40 minutes later, I was handed my score sheet and I came 19th out of 20, only ahead of a blind guy who enjoys, believe me this is embarrassing when your score is announced to everyone in the room. In the second game, I determined to play better, but I said it was a bad day, I was kicked in cheerios really bad, but when we came out form our second score, I improved I was 11 instead of 19 this time, I felt good, but not for too long. I was told that I came last time, since more than half of the guys have left the room. The only difference this time is that the blind guy has won it all. I want to apologize to all my Arab and Muslim friends out there, I am an embarrassment and they have the right to excommunicate me. I cannot get a virtual combat to works for me.

I was talking to my friend over the phone about this girl, then she asked me "Do you have a thing for her?" I was like a thing? No thing, I just want to marry her! I was joking, but she was offended because she thought I was making fun of her English. But by the time i was to say sorry, it was too late.

On Sunday, the other day, I was watching the OSCAR show on ABC, and my roommates had a stake conference (a church event) and when they got back, they were watching this with me. I mean it was a Sunday, but it was funny to see them all jumping form their seats when the Elders' Quorum President walk in for some reason, everyone of my roommates was trying to look busy and not be watching the show on Sunday! I realized what had happened so, I grabbed the EQP and told him, see I am the one who is watching this, none of my roommates have anything to do with it. You know me a gentile, so I can do this on Sunday. I mean some LDS people do watch TV on Sunday, but it was funny to see how much respect my roommates had for this guy. The EQP smiled and grabbed my hand and said, "We still love you man!" I was like "Sure, good for you"

I was thinking about this the other day, back in Gaza a lot of farmers give up their lands so that their kids can use the property to build a new home on it where they can start a family of their own. So as a result, prices of fruits and vegetables are only increasing even though, everyone is getter poorer and more than 60% of the population is living under poverty line. So, in Gaza it comes to Babies vs. Potatoes. These farms are usually either used to grow potatoes or flowers, but now the folks use them to make babies. It is a tough choice, but I think we have so many babies back home, not enough potatoes to go around!

I have heard this form so many people around campus, girls get a way with a lot of honor code violations than guys can. Tell that to that Nazi at the testing center who would not let me take my test if I was looking scruffy. But I think BYU has a good reason not to hire too many girls who will enforce the code. Here is why BYU does not hire many females than males in jobs that require the enforcement of the honor code. First, girls are nicer than guys, period. Imagine a female employee telling guy that his shorts are too short, or his beard is showing, or his mustache is not well trimmed. What do you think the next thing the guy would say, “Dude, the girls was totality checking me out” I cannot believe it. Guess what, I do not believe it either, yeah, get a hold of yourself.

So, I have been going around campus on V-day and it has stroke me that there is a serious difference on how guys act when they have flowers and how ladies behave, it is interesting and different, even I could not help, but notice the difference. When a lady is carrying flowers, she walks with pride and walks tall like she wants you to know, "I am hot, and people obviously know that!" Good for her I say. But when I look at a guy who is carrying flowers with him, he is like shy and avoids eye contact with anyone and you feel them saying: "I am sorry, I did not buy them, she gave'em to me!" "I am still a guy I watch baseball and go to Burger King!" Why do we do that, I really do not understand, maybe I need to have flowers given to me to figure that out. (I am not soliciting flowers by any mean)

Another weird American thing I still cannot yet digest is the fact that some ladies, ask guys out and they pay for their dinner or their date. I have no problem with ladies asking a guy out, but the fact that they pay for the date, is startling to me. As a guy I really feel weird having a girl do that and pick up the tap for my food or things I consume. Do not get me wrong, but I HATE that practice, why do guys do that? I mean understand if you are asking by a reject female friend makes such offer, but no other way I can digest ladies picking up the tap.

Another item, I am grateful for is the MP3 players, what a cool invention. Thanks you America for giving me a cool empowerment tool. I do not know about you guys, I have seen some people use these things to listen to music or podcasts. I do have an MP3 player and I wear it around campus not for the music, but

• To preserve my intelligence, I no longer have to listen to stupid guys telling and retelling their buddies their break up story in the library, no l0onger do I have to listen to this guy who is yelling next to me in a foreign language.

• To avoid running into people I do not want to talk to, as I am walking from a class to another, there is this weird guy form the Elders' Quorum. I just move my eyes at them and smile and move on, I no longer I have to great or chat with those who I do not want to chat with. And guess what? Even if I some of those weirdoes catch me off guard and strikes a conversation, I just pull my MP3 player and signal to them "Hey Buddy, got a bigger fish to fry now!"

Trust me this works and it saves so much time.