Have FuN

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead.




At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."




A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."




When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.




A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished




A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."




A young son asked,
"Is it true dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."




Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."




Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.




If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.




Just think if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.




First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."




"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"


My Film Project:
Watch it at

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5685399428780477407&q=ignorant+american

I would like to hear from you on this project or any feedback (both good and bad)



Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
@ PRISON
@ WORK

you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle

you get three meals a day fully paid for
you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

you get time off for good behaviour
you get more work for good behaviour

the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself

you can watch TV and play games
you could get fired for watching TV and playing games

you get your own toilet
you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat

they allow your family and friends to visit
you aren't even supposed to speak to your family

all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

you must deal with sadistic wardens
they are called managers

THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!




Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails.






This could happen to you.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom. I don't know
what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question:
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me. I figured I could politely
end the conversation. I say:
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say, nervously:
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions!!"

--
divorced barbie !!!! funny
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that
it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the
salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have: Work-out Barbie for
$19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco
Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95."

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and
the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers, "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and..
One of Ken's Friends."


Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered he door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. " I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house"

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked
"Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out

"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... now keep that smile for the rest of the day.)