LegaL FuN

Disorder in the American Courts very funny!!
These are from a book called "Disorder in
the American Courts", and are
things people actually said in court, word






for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the
torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
-------------------------------


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one
living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I
can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year
old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture
was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had
a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the
time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you
began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing
law.



Disorder in the American Courts very funny!!

These are from a book called "Disorder in
the American Courts", and are
things people actually said in court, word






for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the
torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
-------------------------------


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one
living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I
can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year
old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture
was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had
a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the
time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you
began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing
law.