Hamas to Participate in “Let’s Move!”
Early Thursday morning, Hamas spokesman Ayman Taha announced the establishment of a fat camp in the Gaza Strip. “We are reaching out to America,” Taha stated. “We’ve witnessed its First Lady’s quest against childhood obesity and want to help. What better place for fat American kids to lose weight than in Gaza?”
Citing a recent study conducted by Hamas Nutritionist Chaim Sugarman, in which American fat camps were found to be failing due to their inability to prevent kids from smuggling in snacks, Taha declared: “I challenge fat kids to try and smuggle candy into Gaza’s fat camps. We don’t even have candy!”
Reaction to Hamas’s announcement was mixed.
Ahmad Yousef, a Hamas supporter and the owner of Gaza’s only donut shop, rejoiced. “I hope these fat kids break free and visit my store,” said Yousef. “Every diet should allow for some cheating.”
Meanwhile, Morton Klein – President of the Zionist Organization of America – pleaded:
“America can’t agree to this! For security reasons, Israel prevents brands like Kashi, Smart Ones and Dannon’s Light n’ Fit from entering the Gaza Strip. Michelle please send America’s fat kids to Israel instead!”
Dr. Saleh Abu Laban, a Hamas-appointed camp counselor, seems optimistic about the project’s success – estimating that most participants will lose as much as 30 pounds in just two weeks:
“Just the thought of living in Gaza will help them shed five pounds. Actually trying to get in will help them drop another 10. Two weeks of no mayo, ice cream or pasta – all of which are banned by Israel for security purposes – will melt away 10 more. Then there’s the problem of actually leaving Gaza once inside… which will easily force them to lose an additional five pounds.”
Dr. Abu Laban believes that the benefits of Gazan healthy living may even affect fat kids’ families: “Just the thought of your child living in Gaza will probably cause you to sweat off a few pounds.”
Local medical professionals concur with Abu Laban’s scientific conclusions. However, First Lady Michelle Obama could not be reached for comment.
[Tarboush Tip: Programmer Buydatti, Adam Shapiro]