Friday, May 28, 2010

Ray Hanania’s Assault on Arabic Food

Ray Hanania’s Assault on Arabic Food

Ray Hanania has added a new gig to his long and bizarre list of failed career attempts: Reality TV Show Host.

In a self-published press release, in which Ray Hanania talks about himself in third person, he writes: “The program will feature celebrity judges and chefs. The chefs will bring in their favorite recipes and serve them to the judges for review and commentary.”

Now that’s an original idea!

The show, titled “Star Chef Chicagoland,” will be filmed in the kitchen of 94 West Steak and Seafood – an otherwise reputable establishment. Sensing that something fishy might be going on, KABOBfest dispatched its resident taste tester, Chaim Sugarman, to the scene. What he discovered is, in true Ray Hanania fashion, awfully disturbing.

“This is just another attempt to help Zionists steal Arab recipes and dishes,” said Bandar Zalatimo, great grandson of world renowned Palestinian pastry chef Mohammed Zalatimo. “C’mon Ray, leave our food alone!”

Zalatimo is referring to the ongoing hummus war being waged between Israel and Lebanon. To date, Lebanon holds the record for the world’s largest dish of Hummus. Israel, however, has claimed the plate as its national dish and markets it throughout the United States as an Israeli delicacy.

Not everyone, however, is angry with Ray. “Cut the man some slack,” said J. Jonah Jameson – Ray Hanania’s boss at the Daily Bugle. “His career isn’t going too well right now and he needs the free meal.”

Still, not everyone pities Ray Hanania. Yousef Ayoub, a Professor of Political Science at the University of Michigan, says that “Star Chef Chicagoland” is a bizarre form of political maneuvering.

“This is unprecedented. Never in the history of civilization has a man gone from presidential candidate to hosting a cooking show!” Professor Ayoub is referring to Ray Hanania’s unsuccessful run for the position of president of Palestine.

Professor Ayoub continues: “Read between the lines folks. The first episode of the show will air May 28th – which is the same date in 1964 that the PLO was officially formed. Hanania is trying to send us a message!”

But what message is that?

A spokesperson for Ray Hanania told Chaim Sugarman: “Ray’s new show has a larger purpose than food. He wants to show the world that Arabs can use knives for peaceful purposes. He’s an Arab who married a Jewish woman. He knows civility. What he wants to do is transfer his acquired knowledge to the barbaric Arabs.”

How’s that for an explanation?

[Tarboush Tip: Programmer Buydatti, Fayyad]




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