Friday, March 23, 2007

Stand Up with Me





The Movie "Dude...Where Is My Map?"

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Have FuN

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead.




At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."




A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."




When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.




A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished




A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."




A young son asked,
"Is it true dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."




Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."




Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.




If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.




Just think if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.




First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."




"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"


My Film Project:
Watch it at

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5685399428780477407&q=ignorant+american

I would like to hear from you on this project or any feedback (both good and bad)



Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
@ PRISON
@ WORK

you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle

you get three meals a day fully paid for
you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

you get time off for good behaviour
you get more work for good behaviour

the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself

you can watch TV and play games
you could get fired for watching TV and playing games

you get your own toilet
you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat

they allow your family and friends to visit
you aren't even supposed to speak to your family

all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

you must deal with sadistic wardens
they are called managers

THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!




Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails.






This could happen to you.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom. I don't know
what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question:
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me. I figured I could politely
end the conversation. I say:
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say, nervously:
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions!!"

--
divorced barbie !!!! funny
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that
it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the
salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have: Work-out Barbie for
$19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco
Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95."

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and
the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers, "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and..
One of Ken's Friends."


Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered he door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. " I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house"

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked
"Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out

"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... now keep that smile for the rest of the day.)
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Forget and Forgive...

Inflicting pain on someone else cannot do anything to ease your own pain. When you have been hurt, there is nothing to be gained by passing the hurt on to another.

When others have caused you pain, give forgiveness. Sincere forgiveness is the fastest way to begin moving positively forward again.

Forgiveness does not mean that you agree with or condone whatever has been done. It means that you no longer choose to let those past actions hold you back.

Your willingness to forgive does not mean that you are willing to be hurt again. In fact, forgiveness frees you to take positive steps that will make you stronger and much less vulnerable.

When you feel the desire for revenge, stop and remind yourself that there is a much more powerful response. Forgiveness is the way to put yourself in the best possible position.

Can you find the strength to forgive? Forgive, and you will surely grow stronger.

Lots of Love
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Sunday, March 11, 2007

Humor U SEcond Appearance

I loved the second show we had with the Humor U Troupe, it was a fun show, had new material there, a lot of people and new faces were present. I enjoyed the crowd and the company. This time I did not choke, and I delivered my lines much better than before, I think practice paid of. The troupe was so serious about timing, that I had my roommates yell at me in Arabic once I reach my time. I told them to yell "Allah Akbar" means God is Great. Here is a Teaser of some of what I said:


"Yes, Yes, Yes. I mean a Palestinian, Arab, and Muslim on BYU campus and I cannot have anymore things going against me in a Mormon school. And I Love All of you Big Fat Obnoxious Americans!"

Here is How My American friends Introduce Me to their friends, for some reason, Mormons feel obligated to introduce me to their friends like I was some sort of Freak Show. Here is how they do it: "Hey Adam, Meet My friend Hani, he is not a Mormon, but He is a good man!" I do not get it, but it is not cool. In a way I started countering that hoping that the few people who introduce me in that fashion will get it. Here is what I would say "Hey Ali, Meet my friend Don" "Don is an infidel, but I think we will let him live today!"

My roommate who is a Mac extremist was so upset because I gave away my iPod because everyone has one, he told me that my logic was flawed. His argument went like this "Hani, people wear and have wore pants for ages now, and we still wear pants" That was a good point, but I was not convinced. The Mac extremist roommate wanted to make his point, so he started walking around the apartment without pants to make his point I thought "It was disturbing" But I did not give in, I told him "David, you can walk naked for a week or even three weeks or longer, but Mac still stinks!" By the way I like women just to clarify that I do not have nay ulterior motives.

Guys at BYU, stop complaining to me about your bad luck in getting a girls phone number. I refuse to believe that. If you want a girl’s phone number you can always get it, period. Here is what I do and I hope you all will be writing this down. Once I see a good looking girl on campus, I approach her and say: “Hello, my name is Hani, I am not member of the LDS faith, but I am investigating the Church” “Therefore, I need your number in case I have any questions” Do you think she will refuse to participate in building the Kingdom? Nope. Brothers, not only that you will get her number, you will also get her address, and expect to be invited to the Ward Talent Show. But most importantly that she will show up at your house the next week to bake you good old Mormon Cookies! And guys, You are Welcome!

Some Older Stuff:

So my co-worker approached me the other day with a cool story, he got his first kiss. I would have said "Yeah" but c’mon he is 30 years old. I tried not to laugh to hear the story from my coworker. In a way I was like "Yeah, you do not have other interests! I can be your good friend now" But seriously, I am not LDS and I did better than this guy in the Mormon Capital of the entire world. I mean my co-worker is handsome, but it takes more than handsome in his case. I told you I did better than this guy did. What? Yeah I know it was Spin the Bottle Game, but so what? Mormons are very exclusive in their games and especially when the bottle is being spun.

I freaking hate Sundays in Provo (I did not like them in the East Coast either) But here in Provo, I feel like a homeless person every Sunday because, many strange people walk into my apartment to look for someone or take care of business, most of them do not even knock at the door, they just let themselves in and if there was no one to open the door, they would walk all the way to my room and ask me questions or directions and even give me advice without identifying themselves “Hey, where are you from?” “You could really use a haircut or razors”. I also feel like a homeless person when they bring me food or plats of odd shaped cookies or brownies. I now can leave the US and tell people back home how it feels to be homeless and have strangers give you food.

I told my roommates that I gave my iPod away because everyone has an iPod there days, my roommates were shocked that I would do such thing. So in order to make their point, they started walking around the house without pants to make their point “Everyone wears pants, so we gave ours away!” I got it, but after a while!


I was in the Wilkenson Center at BYU at the other day, and I was setting the booth for the Arabic Club, the LDS missionaries--the ones who are serving the needs of BYU community. Had a booth just cross the hall form me, I thought it was funny coincident because I think the majority of the non-LDS folks on campus were sitting across the hall from them. In fact most the people who were with me have had one missionary come and visit with them and this missionary was just setting cross the hall from them. Anyhow so the elder comes and wants to talk to me, I greeted him and asked him where he was from, he was from Canada! So as a good missionary would do, he wanted to talk about the LDS Church, but before he starts with his pitch, I told him let me tell you this and you can decide if you want to teach me or not. I have been around this campus for about seven years now; I have taken fourteen credits of religion as well as a class on sharing the gospel(where I memorized Section 4 of the D&C). I have also served in the referral center in the MTC (where people call to order copies of the LDS materials) I have taught institute and recently a fireside, and I am still the same religion I was since I came here. Now are you sure you want to waste your time? He smiled "I guess you know everything!" I disagreed, but he understood me. The next day, there was a loaf of bread in my room with a note that reads “Man, cannot live by bread alone” signed by the Canadian missionaries. Nice gesture, but how did he know where I live? I guess the US Patriot Act extends farther than I thought.

Even though I am not a member of the LDS faith, I do notice all the gorgeous people walking on our campus, I do have my own hot lists after all. You know I have a plan when I run into a beautiful lady. I walk to that lady and look here in the eye and say: "You know I am not LDS, but I want your phone n umber in case I wanted to join in so I can look you up" it would be cool if her response "Neither am I" that would be a change, but this never happens. Instead they tend to smile and ignore me--which seems to be very common response I follow it with this "ok, maybe you do not want to go out with me, maybe you like bacon too much-Muslims do not eat bacon- but my friend Donny, he is a good kid and return missionary and he would want to ask you out" "But I am going to need your number"

It is funny world we live in, I have been "hanging out" with this girl I have been friend with for a long time. It was a moment I wanted to upgrade the relationship to the next level, but the moment and only that moment that it seemed the entire campus has decided to also upgrade their relationship with the girl. Many guys have expressed interest and she now is being asked out by everyone and their dog. So I am not sure what to do, now? I am fighter not a lover, but one cannot fight love can they? I cannot compete with an entire campus, heck I do not even have a driving license. But when I remember there is enough for Hani to go around, I feel good.

My laptop was stolen the other day, and I was like, "no way, I just downloaded a new album of iTunes" This is my friends when you know that your laptop sucks and need not to shed tears on it. But it was a good album guys, it breaks my heart.

Regulars night at the laser tag is on Wednesday night so I went with my buddies (at laser tag, I call them gunners) but that Wednesday was Valentine day. I know, I am sorry, I do not feel the love around campus. Since most couples go out to dinners, or dances on the V- day, I thought this would leave us the place unoccupied so we can get to our game on time instead of having to wait around. Wrong I was. The place was crowded, by none but couples. I was shocked. What are these couples doing here? "Let's celebrate that day and express our love by shooting one another" "or love each other so much that we are willing to shot others" I can imagine that these guys will only go to Baghdad for their honeymoon to get their shooting Jolly"

Another laser tag story, as you all know by now, I love Laser tag games and I always play against the regulars or the rejects as some call them. I was having a bad day and I went to the game, there were 20 of us in the hall and we all played, I struggled during the game to keep my record, but it was hard, I got dominated by these nerds. 40 minutes later, I was handed my score sheet and I came 19th out of 20, only ahead of a blind guy who enjoys, believe me this is embarrassing when your score is announced to everyone in the room. In the second game, I determined to play better, but I said it was a bad day, I was kicked in cheerios really bad, but when we came out form our second score, I improved I was 11 instead of 19 this time, I felt good, but not for too long. I was told that I came last time, since more than half of the guys have left the room. The only difference this time is that the blind guy has won it all. I want to apologize to all my Arab and Muslim friends out there, I am an embarrassment and they have the right to excommunicate me. I cannot get a virtual combat to works for me.

I was talking to my friend over the phone about this girl, then she asked me "Do you have a thing for her?" I was like a thing? No thing, I just want to marry her! I was joking, but she was offended because she thought I was making fun of her English. But by the time i was to say sorry, it was too late.

On Sunday, the other day, I was watching the OSCAR show on ABC, and my roommates had a stake conference (a church event) and when they got back, they were watching this with me. I mean it was a Sunday, but it was funny to see them all jumping form their seats when the Elders' Quorum President walk in for some reason, everyone of my roommates was trying to look busy and not be watching the show on Sunday! I realized what had happened so, I grabbed the EQP and told him, see I am the one who is watching this, none of my roommates have anything to do with it. You know me a gentile, so I can do this on Sunday. I mean some LDS people do watch TV on Sunday, but it was funny to see how much respect my roommates had for this guy. The EQP smiled and grabbed my hand and said, "We still love you man!" I was like "Sure, good for you"

I was thinking about this the other day, back in Gaza a lot of farmers give up their lands so that their kids can use the property to build a new home on it where they can start a family of their own. So as a result, prices of fruits and vegetables are only increasing even though, everyone is getter poorer and more than 60% of the population is living under poverty line. So, in Gaza it comes to Babies vs. Potatoes. These farms are usually either used to grow potatoes or flowers, but now the folks use them to make babies. It is a tough choice, but I think we have so many babies back home, not enough potatoes to go around!

I have heard this form so many people around campus, girls get a way with a lot of honor code violations than guys can. Tell that to that Nazi at the testing center who would not let me take my test if I was looking scruffy. But I think BYU has a good reason not to hire too many girls who will enforce the code. Here is why BYU does not hire many females than males in jobs that require the enforcement of the honor code. First, girls are nicer than guys, period. Imagine a female employee telling guy that his shorts are too short, or his beard is showing, or his mustache is not well trimmed. What do you think the next thing the guy would say, “Dude, the girls was totality checking me out” I cannot believe it. Guess what, I do not believe it either, yeah, get a hold of yourself.

So, I have been going around campus on V-day and it has stroke me that there is a serious difference on how guys act when they have flowers and how ladies behave, it is interesting and different, even I could not help, but notice the difference. When a lady is carrying flowers, she walks with pride and walks tall like she wants you to know, "I am hot, and people obviously know that!" Good for her I say. But when I look at a guy who is carrying flowers with him, he is like shy and avoids eye contact with anyone and you feel them saying: "I am sorry, I did not buy them, she gave'em to me!" "I am still a guy I watch baseball and go to Burger King!" Why do we do that, I really do not understand, maybe I need to have flowers given to me to figure that out. (I am not soliciting flowers by any mean)

Another weird American thing I still cannot yet digest is the fact that some ladies, ask guys out and they pay for their dinner or their date. I have no problem with ladies asking a guy out, but the fact that they pay for the date, is startling to me. As a guy I really feel weird having a girl do that and pick up the tap for my food or things I consume. Do not get me wrong, but I HATE that practice, why do guys do that? I mean understand if you are asking by a reject female friend makes such offer, but no other way I can digest ladies picking up the tap.

Another item, I am grateful for is the MP3 players, what a cool invention. Thanks you America for giving me a cool empowerment tool. I do not know about you guys, I have seen some people use these things to listen to music or podcasts. I do have an MP3 player and I wear it around campus not for the music, but

• To preserve my intelligence, I no longer have to listen to stupid guys telling and retelling their buddies their break up story in the library, no l0onger do I have to listen to this guy who is yelling next to me in a foreign language.

• To avoid running into people I do not want to talk to, as I am walking from a class to another, there is this weird guy form the Elders' Quorum. I just move my eyes at them and smile and move on, I no longer I have to great or chat with those who I do not want to chat with. And guess what? Even if I some of those weirdoes catch me off guard and strikes a conversation, I just pull my MP3 player and signal to them "Hey Buddy, got a bigger fish to fry now!"

Trust me this works and it saves so much time.
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Friday, March 09, 2007

Honor Killing, Had Enough?

I read this somewhere and I really like the issue of how an entire population reduces its honor to a piece of Skin!

Hello,

Today is International Women's Day, a day when women worldwide celebrate their achievements and take stock of the challenges against them. Today is a day like any other, and as such, 13 girls and women will be murdered in the name of "honor", like the three women murdered in Gaza on the 27th of February where "honor" is the suspected motivation, a women murdered in Sindh on the 26th, the woman choked to death in Jordan on the 23rd, and the two young women hacked to death in Pakistan on the 22nd.

Today in London, numerous defendants will stand in the dock in the Old Bailey, accused in what police have termed the "honor" killing of Banaz Mahmoud Babakir Agha, a twenty-year-old girl from Iraqi Kurdistan with a sweet heart-shaped face and the temerity to end an unhappy marriage forced upon her at a young age, and to seek to rebuild her life with a partner of her own choosing. Her dismembered body was found buried in a suitcase in a garden belonging to her relatives.

For families that follow the doctrine of "honor", women are possessions of the males in their family. Her "honor" resides in submission and chastity. Her role is ancillary: as a daughter, a wife, a mother. At all stages of life she is defined and controlled by the males within her circle, and any attempt to express her personhood and particularly her sexuality must be violently controlled. The "shame" brought to a family by female autonomy can only be erased by her murder.

Even rumour is enough to sound a death-knell for some young women: Hamda Abu-Ghanem, whose death was reported on the 17th January, was the eighth woman of her Israeli Arab family to be murdered in the name of "honour" in six years. She was deemed to have dishonored her family by holding long conversations on the phone and having once met her cousin.

United Nations Population Fund estimates that over 5000 victims a year are killed in the name of "honor", however gathering any reliable statistics is hampered by the fact that female children are often not registered at birth and so live and die without leaving any records, and by the conspiracy of silence created by the family and by collusion by police, judiciary and medical services who are sympathetic to the culture of "honor". Even more uncountable are the women and girls who live constrained lives under what Nyamko Sabuni has termed "honor oppression", where the threat of "honour" crime leaves women as virtual prisoners, too afraid to assert their independence and enjoy their full status as human beings in their own right.

A phenomenon which has been hitherto veiled in ignorance and obscurity has been forced into the light and various countries have been forced into confronting this brutal, patriarchal form of violence and oppression. Even so, much remains to be done to mobilise society against such crimes. Banaz Mahmoud Babakir Agha reported her fears on numerous occasions to the London Metropolitan Police, even providing the names of the men who are now standing trial. Protection was not extended to her, a failure in which British society is culpable along with the murderers. Revulsion against these acts of brutality must not be used to feed into racist attitudes. Racism in society against minorities and may discourage the majority who oppose these acts from speaking out for fear of increasing prejudice. For change to happen all parties must feel able to approach each other in the spirit of co-operation, with openness, honesty and a straightforward wish to address the issues.

Investigating the murder of Hamda Abu-Ghanem, Commander Yifrah Duchovny said "The hardest part at these crime scenes is the quiet: Each time my stomach turns over in finding the body of a young girl, and around her the house is quiet. Everyone stands silent. There is no crying, there is no shouting and there is no cooperation."

But this silence was soon broken by a wholescale revolt of the women of the Abu-Ghanem family. Twenty women came forward and gave statements to the police and plan to testify against the males of the family, in spite of the dangers they face for so doing. The solidarity of these women in their decision to unite against their oppressors is a symbol of women's strength that should be celebrated today, on International Women's Day, a day like any other, a day in which 13 women and girls will be murdered in the name of "honor."

Best Regards, International Campaign Against Honor Killings
Continue Reading...

LegaL FuN

Disorder in the American Courts very funny!!
These are from a book called "Disorder in
the American Courts", and are
things people actually said in court, word






for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the
torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
-------------------------------


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one
living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I
can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year
old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture
was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had
a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the
time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you
began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing
law.



Disorder in the American Courts very funny!!

These are from a book called "Disorder in
the American Courts", and are
things people actually said in court, word






for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the
torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
-------------------------------


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one
living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I
can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year
old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture
was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had
a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the
time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you
began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing
law.
Continue Reading...

Sunday, February 25, 2007

A Full Circle: The Complete Sage






July 15, 2005 Sweet Home Sweet



So it took me nearly five years to take a chance and go back to Gaza to visit my family. I was in DC and my work permit was expiring mid May and my work wanted to keep me longer I could not legally do it and school was coming in the Fall, so I saw that I had some time that I could spare and see my family which I love and miss so much. My family has asked me every summer to go, but I could not due to complexity of the situation and the unrest which does not bother me, but getting caught in the middle disturbs me. My friends in DC and I kicked it for a long time (Joey, Kari, Kellee,) and I bought a ticket on the Russian airlines out of Virginia Dulles Airport. The Russian had a good deal for about less than $1000, a round trip ticket to Cairo International Airport. I called the Israeli embassy a week before and inquired about flying into the Tel Aviv airport, they hang up the phone on me! Was not nice, but I think they thought I was a prankster.

July 15th 2004 was a Saturday and my friends from Senegal, Ethiopia, and Bahrain decided to come to the airport with me to see me off. Getting lost in the Dulles airport is a must and part of the experience, but when I got to the register, it took them more than 20 minutes to figure out the code for Palestinian passport, they panicked and I panicked as well, I thought they would not let me fly that day. They tried to put PAL , PNA and none of them worked, finally when they called some superior they figured it out. I came to later know that it was PSE even the Egyptians airport struggled with that one. Anyways, the give me the ticket and take my language and I see my friends off, I go into one of these giagantic trucks that moves travelers from a gate to a bus and the bus takes you to the airplane. But before then, the immigration guys took I-94 form from my passport and give me back my passport. I get in the airplane and I release I am in a foreign country already, English is not spoken and if spoken it is spoken in a very strange manner. Anyhow, the flight was headed to Moscow and the crew was very helpful and there was several meals and refreshments served. A day before my friend Kari Ann bought me the Thomas Friedman’s book “The World is Flat” a very entertaining book with many new concepts. I get to Moscow and man I started to notice the changes already, different languages, people from all over the planet, 10 years back in technology, everything is overpriced, but smoke—my dad instructed me to buy him some cigarettes something I did not want to do. I did not know how much I appreciated life in the US till I go there, but people were nice, granted music and movies were more expensive than in the US.

Couple of hours later we board the jet and be on our way to Egypt. But before I boarder the jet, I ran into a couple of ladies I have met back in BYU and we had mutual friends, it was fun to see how far the BYU connection can go, we actually even sat near each other on the jet. They were going to visit Janice, a mutual friend of ours from Michigan, she was studying Arabic there. Couple of hours later, we are in Cairo and getting our language together, I could feel the change again there, people look like me and speak my native tongue, but I was not adjusted, I was still thinking in English and speaking it in to people who do not necessarily understand it. My good American friends—by now we are good friends—they wanted to wait for me so we can share a cab, but I wished things worked this way for us. I knew their American passport can get them very far, but mine cannot get me anywhere. So I told them to go ahead and leave without me and I will catch up with them later—was call on my part. So the border’s officer sees my passport and tell me to stand aside, I did. A minute later some uniformed officer comes and tell me to grab my stuff and follow him. They take me to this dark room and looks really old and has a funky smell to it. There were a grouped of four uniformed officers enjoying their dinner, I was told to take a seat and wait. Which I did, there was a Sudanese gentleman was sitting next to me, very fun guy who worked in the gulf and wanted to take care of business before he heads home. He told me about a security officer who will call me in a minute and ask me questions and wants to see my paper. The Sudanese man told me to “bribe” the officer in fact he gave me Egyptian money to do it—I only had Dollars with me. I thought from the movies this is a common practice in Egypt in the rest of the world. The officer called me in, he was a young hot shot who did not have a uniform, asked for my papers and I shoed him what I had and told him I have an appointment in the American embassy in the morning that I needed to go to. He was really nice person; he called his superior to ask his opinion on what to do with me. The last thing was for me to give this guy a bribe, I chickened out and I did not do it. The officer asked me questions and basic things then 20 minutes later he told me that I got to go to the deportation room, a room where they put the world rejects to deport them or escort them to other ports so they can get the heck out of Egypt. He said some odd comment as I was leaving “You and the Jews are cousins, you are one family and they should take care of you” I was not sure what he meant, but I thanked the officer and went to the room in a bus, where they guy harassed me about giving him a tip which I did. But before I can leave the airport, there was a more senior officer with many stars on his shoulder told me “and take care of me too, I want to live” “E7nah 3awzeen ni3eesh Kaman” I said sure, and walked away.

Finally, I get to the room where all my home boys are placed and there are two police officers with big books guarding them. There was no one in the room but Palestinians young and old male and female. I was so happy to see my home boys and so many of them, these guys received me and talked to me, asked me questions about my family and my background, they told me to shave my beard for my mom. They got me some tea—Ido not think the honor code was in affect then; I was not yet a student of BYU and send a runner to get us some food, he stole our money, but got us a sandwich or two for a lot of $$$...I had my camcorder with me and filmed the room and the nasty bathrooms in there, I even interviewed some of these guys for fun. They news from home were not all great, but the Israelis were. So I was in the room by 5 AM and the bus that will take us to Rafah cross the Sinai comes three hours later. So after handing the officers with cigarettes and handing out cigarettes to some no ones that I needed nothing from, more security guys come and ask us to drag our stuff and follow them. These guys were not nice, they were demeaning and rude, some of out hot blooded Palestinians almost caught in fights with them, but good thing we had older people who were peacemakers.

We go through customers and these guys open out bags and play with the contents like they know what they are doing then they ask me, if I had any electronics on me, “Yes, I do have the camcorder!” he tell me to fetch it and then I panicked, I thought he would check out the content of the tape and then get me in trouble for filming the nasty bathrooms. But he did not; he simply just wrote that I had a camera on my passport so the guys at the other end of the borders will make sure I still have it with me and not just drop it in the way to some Egyptian dude. Minutes later we were on our way on a good condition bus, the driver an armed security officer were to accompany us all they way from Cairo to the Rafah borders. They charged us an arm and a leg for the ride and they took us to shop in places that took advantage of us so they can get a kick back. For example water bottles in Egypt are about .25 US cents, but the place he took us to was about $1.5, as much as I tried to bargain with this guy he would not let down. I also could not go very far because these guys have my passport.

During the ride, I could not help but notice the many security check points we had to go through and the number of military police spread all over the place in the streets and on the roads. I think it was six hours later, we made it to the Egyptian borders and there were huge lines there, was very chaotic and so many boys running around slamming you with all sorts of tickets and fees that you are to pay to them, some shady stuff, but if you travel on this road many times, you get the idea. Anyhow, the Egyptians custom agents check my language, go through it and look at my walkie talkies and ask me about them, the handle of my bag breaks and it became harder to carry it, but once the custom guys cleared me, I was to load my stuff into a new bus that will take me to the Israelis. Before I do that, I tracked the guy who signs off on my passport that he checked the camcorder, I found him and he singed it for me, he had no uniform on which was confusing.

Right where the Egyptian borders, there are shops selling cheap merchandise like smoke, cheeses, and some other things, many Palestinians use and abuse these cheap products and make huge profits by just carrying it through the borders to sell it for four to six times as much. Before we left there was many fees we were to pay to the good people of Egypt about 180 Egyptian pounds to get departure permission, once you do that, you load up everyone in a crappy bus and head to the Israeli side which is a very interesting experience.


So, twenty minutes later, we get to the Israeli side of the Rafah Borders, it was much nicer than what I have seen so far, and much more sophisticated and armed. There were so many armed officers who look ready to shoot t any given point. They looked tense and prepared in their green uniforms and large guns. In the bus all the men and boys were standing and the ladies were sitting, the bus was crowded, people want to get home and get to the Israelis before they closet their side—if one misses they would have to sleep on the borders for the night, where no services or anything provided. We start unloading the buses at that point it was in the afternoon around 3-4 PM, before we go into the same building where the Israeli border guys check us in, we had to go through some sophisticated technology that resembles an MRI machine, only standing and one goes in there for about 30 seconds and there are instructions on how to do it properly, during that time the Israeli officers are watching you inside the machine and another one only few feet away with a gun in an aim position. All men had to go in the MRI machine, most women had to go there, but sometimes they will send the pregnant women to another machine. I go through clean and get into the office, the agents collect our passports and ask us to wait in a waiting area, and there were chairs and air conditioning, it was a nice setting. Most people will be called in about five minutes and they go through security and collect their belongings and go to the other side and load their language and get ready to get to the Palestinian side. I waited for five, ten, fifteen, twenty, half hours and bit more then three officers in civilian clothing come—two males and a female. They spoke to me in English “Are you tired” They asked. “No, but you know, long trip” I replied. Then he said “where you coming from” “US, Moscow, Cairo” I said at that point he started touching me in the stomach area like he was looking for weapons or whatever. Then, they took me into a room inside and asked me to put all my stuff in the box and take out my shirt, I did do all that, an officer came and run a machine on me and then told me to wait, another officer who spoke in Arabic—but he was not an Arab told me to come to a room with him. In the room there was another officer on a computer and greeted me. They both started talking to me. They asked me the basis questions: “where have you been?” “how was the trip?” What did I do in America? Who are my friends? Who paid for my school—thanks to BYU, that was an answer that helped a lot. I answered all their questions and the conversation was so casual that we talked about an Israeli pop artists and one of the officers went back and got me a poster with her asking me “do you still think she is hot?” Do not get me wrong these guys were professional and asked the real questions, and even gave me love advice on who to marry and what to do with my life. He offered me a bottle of Sprite half empty, I declined. But the other officers he was an Argentine Jew, so we spoke in Spanish, he liked that. I told the officer that I needed help to get out of the Gaza Strip, he said that will take forever and I need to file with some administrative agency and because of my young age this will take some time. They also asked about a family member who has the same name as mine, I said I have no idea who was this guy, but we offred to call my mom and ask her for that guy’s info, but they said there was no need. After 15 minutes I was done, they cleared me to go, I went out picked my language and went to the bus that takes us to the Palestinian side, I was so relieved when I left the Israeli side, I really felt that they will keep me or something. The bus was crowded and the Palestinian guys opened the border gate and let us in, as we were unloading our belongings, the Palestinian officers came and collected out passports and asked us to go about a block to get them. A taxi driver grabbed me and told me he will get me my passport for me and drive me home, he told me it will cost me about $35 to get me home, I bargained, but could not get much—it was a rip-off though. I went with him and the officers from the National Security or the Preventative Force handed me my passport and asked, if the Israelis have talked to me, I said “Yes, they did” at that point, he called another guy and asked me to go in for an interview. I was not surprised, the Egyptians met me, the Israelis interviewed me and the Palestinians have to do that as well. The interview had the same questions, who pays for my college? And if the Israelis have offered me any sort of help. I said no, no such thing and I said that I had a scholarship that pays lots of money. The driver was yelling at me to get back so we can get to the check point before they close, we had about an hour drive to get to my town. The security officer asked me if I pray, which was an odd question. The fact that I told him about going to a Christian school confused him. When my answer was “alhamdulilah” praise the lord, which means a humble yes. He let me off the hook. I was now done which security clearances for one day, and was getting ready to surprise my family who did not know of my visit—just ideas, nothing solid.

I discovered that there is a new check point “Abu Hooli” which could give us a wait of hours and maybe days, this check point borders an Israeli settlement and Israeli soldiers have killed many there, some Palestinian have actually done some damage there to the Israelis. And there is a new street that the Israelis bulldozed so the cars cannot go from the North to the South or the other way around. All these things were not mentioned to me by the driver who said “Bawaslak la bab elbeet” I will take you to the house door, but he did not intend to do that he deceived me and I did not know better. Anyway, we got to the checkpoint and there was a long caravan of cars waiting to be allowed in, there was a bunch of Palestinian capitalists are taking advantage of this bad situation by selling tea, coffee, nuts….etc. we waited for about half an hour, people started slightly moving forward and our driver moved forward too, the Israelis are yelling at the people not to move forward, fired guns at them, but it looked that people were sick of waiting and decided to cross the checkpoint which we did, we were luck that our car was surrounded by tow huge tomato trucks so if the Israelis shot we will be safe. We made it out of that area and 15 minutes on the road, we heard that a 15 year old kid was killed at the same checkpoint, he was from almasri family.

About 30 minutes way from home, the cocky driver, who was rushing things, got us in a CAR ACCIDENT with another car. I was shocked and could not talk at that point. I literary had to jump from my seat to avoid hurting my legs—I was sitting in the front seat. People started gathering near the car asking me about what happened. I said nothing I was like, I spend five years in the US and I could have died in a car accident 30 minutes away from home. It was ironic, and I was mad at the situation, both drivers and the crappy roads. So the driver asked for the money and arrange for another car to drive me to the next point, where the street has been bulldozed where I switch cars. The new driver asked me about the accident, I did not want to talk about it, but there was a guy with a beard in the taxi with us, he was from jabalyah camp, the closest to home, so he helped me move my stuff from the taxi when we switched and I invited home to share the taxi with me where I pay for both of us—I was paying the same amount anyways. In the way, they started talking politics, he was mad at the US and the war in Iraq, US support to Israel and the list gets bigger. I kept my conversation short, now my hear is jumping from my body, it is already home. I was thinking about going back to the old streets, and the places where I grew up. Things changes to the worse from what I can see, the streets have more graffiti and guns are everywhere, roads are damaged—what do you expect from a five year intifadah? I barely could recognize my street, but I did and three minutes I was at the door of my house, I could not believe it, it was so surreal, some of the neighbor kids came to the car, but I did not want them to ruins the surprise, I ran as fast as I could to see my family and surprise them. And the taxi started unloading my two bags. I knock the door and my sister in law—I did not know her by then and have not met her before opens the door. I asked if my mom was there, and she was and walk into the room or the kitchen and there she was, she could not believe it, she was crying, laughing smiling, she was overwhelmed with emotions. She was so happy and so was I. and everyone started coming to our house, news spread fast courtesy of my countless nephews and nieces, an hour later, our house was like a small town. My brothers and sisters have grown up, some were much bigger and taller than I recall, my dad closed the shop early and joined us, he also was overwhelmed and proud that I could come and surprise them in this fashion. He looked a bit older, but his hair was in its place. My sisters all have small armies of kids enough to start a third intifadah. It was one of the greats feelings I have experience in my life. The only bad part about this trip was the fact that my mom got sick for a week because the surprise shocked her. Next time I will give them enough time notice. Perhaps the fact that I was lucky in my travel, pretty much everything worked out for me, borders were opend and my way was clear, did not have to stay weeks on the borders like others who had to go through this humiliation.

First week of August, I had to apply with the Department of civil affairs who in turn will coordinator with the Israelis to authorize me to leave the Gaza Strip. Many people have told me that I will NEVER be able to leave the Gaza Strip because I was young, and the Israelis were disengaging from the Gaza Strip, I even went to the MidEast, an American institute in the Gaza Strip to ask them for advice. They director was a jerk and asked me mockingly "Why Did I come back?" I give him one of my world famous angry looks; smiled and told him that "I have been away for five years and I needed the time with my family" he looked at me and said "So what?" I was like "Who is this guy?" I told him I want you to know that I will go back to school. He said: "Sure you will, when you have three kids of your own, the Israelis will let you out" This was scary, just thinking about missing my first semester at the MPA program. I got even more mad and put my go-get attitude and shot back..."I will make it out of here" By then my cousin who was with me interfered and we left the place. Now, I had this guy tell me I will not leave, the Israeli solider telling me I will not leave, some folks in my family telling me that it would be hard to get a permit from the Israelis to leave the Strip.

I was getting nervous and thinking, I will not longer have fast internet and be able to enjoy new releases of movies when they come out. On the same day I filed with the Department of Civil Affairs, they got my papers (I-20, ticket, letters of acceptance, ID card...etc.) Once I did this, I was told it will be two weeks. So my flight leaves from Cairo International Airport on the 25th of August 2005. I was in a good shape time wise. I also had to go to Egypt to get a new US visa from the American Embassy; this will take about three days.

So in order to get in Egypt one needs to get a transfer visa, which I tried to get form the Egyptian embassy in Gaza. However, there was bad luck, on the same day I went to the embassy, there was a major bombing in the Sinai desert and Egyptians everywhere where on high alert and in bad mode, so the door of the embassy the guy told us "Go Home" which was not all too shocking. Now, I thought if the Israelis clear me to leave the Strip; the Egyptians should let me in since I had papers and I have a set interview with the American embassy in Cairo. Boy, I was wrong. I was told that a visa to Egypt takes more than a month--remember I only had two and half weeks to make it to my flight.

I have an aunt that lives and works in the United Arab Emirates; she is a teacher by training. She also had to do the same thing and go through clearance process. She had her kids with her; I think there are five of them. She did not have a hard time especially because my uncle Kamal a business man and is well connected with big guys with this borders people, he arranged for a special taxi to drive her all the way through the borders and pick her up on the other side. Because she and her kids had to stay on the Rafah borders for couple of days to be allowed in, it was painful so getting out was much easier for her. Thanks goodness, I did not have to wait this much to get in.

Ten days later, my cousins call my family and tell them that they have heard my name on the radio and I have been cleared to travel outside the Gaza Strip, I was happy. I have listened to the list of names of people cleared to travel every day since I applied, but somehow managed to hear my name and someone had to tell me. I packed with haste and got all my goodies and my Mom hooked me with more food items. My brother arranged me a ride with one of his guys who know the way--he turned about to be a crock. I saw my family off that night, and had to rush to the Rafah border crossing at 3 AM, my sisters all came down to our house, we partied, but when I was about to leave they started crying and it hurt me to see them do that, so I cried along (sorry guys, it was emotional) I was rushed to the rafah border, it was a shared ride, there were about five other people and all were heading back from the Gaza Strip. My family got me some change for the road, some Israeli money to pay for the ride.

So, we get to the border point, and the first we had to wait by the Palestinian side, no one was open, it was too early. I got to meet and talk to a lot of people like me traveling around and enjoying the good life abroad. Three hours later, the Palestinian security guys open the office and collect our passports to send it to the Israelis for another clearance. Hours later, they bring back the passports and load us in cars that will take it to the Israeli side for final check. It was very chaotic and disturbing to see all old, sick, kids, women, all fighting to get in the first car to make it to the other side before they close--which is a regular practice by the Israelis to shut whenever they feel like it--I was again cleared to travel, loaded my bags with these guys who gave us fro clear instructions of taking off all our metal objects, shoes, belts, coins, keys so the Israelis won't find a reason to send the whole taxi back.

I have noticed a large number of women and senior citizens going with us and these people do not carry any language with them, very un-Arab thing to do. I came to know these guys, are business people, they go to the Egyptian towns, buy cheap merchandise and cross the borders with it, sell it for at least quadruple the price and make a living. They buy cheese, hygiene products, smokes, food…etc. But there is a risk, if the Israelis manage to see what is in your bad, they will most likely confiscate their goods or slam them with a large fee that people decide to leave their stuff behind. Till this point I ma not sure who gets the customs or the stuff left behind, I literary saw ballots of smoke boxes and all brands were there local as well as American.

WE did just that, took couple of hours to move 500 meters, and very sophisticated process and time consuming if I may say. Remember, this is August in the Desert; it was HOT, and sweaty. We make it to the Israeli side; they put us in the machines outside the door. Remember MRI machines, they scan everything. The Israeli security officer is standing there with a gun aimed at people in the machine in case they make a wrong or a right move, intimidation at its best. The security guys will speak to me in Arabic, and there Arabic was bad at best, English bailed me out.

Once, they let us inside the building an officer who speaks Arabic well, collects our passports and send us in a waiting area. Then they will check it, take a photo of us, and send us to a custom agent who charges us about $50 a person to get out. I would have paid $100 to get out from the sun's way. After clearing us again, we went outside, men and women started praying it was 3asir time (Third prayer of the day) some sat waiting for the bus to move to the Egyptian side, where we would be allowed into Egypt.
A bit before the evening, we made it to the Egyptian side, one cannot help but notice the difference, less guns, less technology and more guards dressed in white uniforms. People raced to the counter to hand in their passports to the Egyptian officers to look at them and hand them a visa or deny them. Me and the guys I got to know during the course of the trip, handed in our passports and answered questions. The type of questions they asked assured me that I will be denied entrance; I started feeling that I will most likely be denied entrance of the Egyptian land for the second time…... and I was.

The Egyptian officer asked me to show him that I had a valid US visa in order to let me be deported to the Cairo International Airport on a bus where an armed Egyptian officer guards is form the border point till the detention room in the airport. I told him, I got the papers that will get me the visa (I-20 form, Letter of Submission, bank statements…etc.) He asked me if I had tanseeq which means coordination with them done on my behalf so they would let me into Egypt. I said, no. at that point was indifferent, but took my passport anyways. I sat around with my new friends, all of them got through, hundreds of people were allowed into Egypt either by deportation on a bus to the airport or by letting them into the country—depending on their visa or lack of visa. Half an hour later the officer came back and told me that I have to go back to Gaza, get a visa and come back. I tried to reason with him, use the best of my negotiation skills; nothing seemed to work with him. I did admired him for his dedication to keep Egypt safe from terrorists with my skills (I am joking here) the guys who got their paperwork done and about to leave the border point, said “We are sorry Hani, you came this far” there was a lot of nice people there after all. I told them, “It is not like they are denying my entry to heaven” I was mad, but could not do much.

At that point, I called my family and asked them to do something form their end, they tried, and called some people, they gave me a name of a guy who works in the borders that might be able to talk the Egyptians into letting me in. I tacked him down the whole night and suddenly he came. I grabbed into him and explained the situation he said “no paper work, Egyptians won’t let you in.” I was like “thanks a lot for nothing” so I had to spend the night in the border point because the Israelis have shut down and there is no way to go back till the morning.

There were other rejects, so I wasn’t the only reject. There was this 20 something Palestinian kid form the southern part of Gaza who is an IT student in Russia, who had the same problem as I did, the Egyptians tried to help him more than they did with me. I mean even the head of the Egyptian border point met with him. But all that got him nothing and he had to stay with us the same night. His name was Hossam. There was this older Palestinian women who was going to receive medical attention in Egypt, she has all the paperwork, but her son was along with her and he was to take care of her while she was in Egypt. The officers told her, they would let her in, but not her son. There was another Palestinians guy who is a mechanic and was to work on cars that were given to the Palestinians by a donor country and literary you can see the cars 100 years away from our detention area, but they won’t let me go and work on them. There was also an older Palestinian guy who I think is a businessman and does this in purpose so he does not have to pay the entrance fees to the Egyptians, he goes there and sleeps the night in the borders and in the morning, he bribes some officers there to let him buy cheap smokes in turn he would carry them cross the borders in make couple of hundred dollars in one night. We all got to know each other and talk for a long time.

The place was literary an empty garage with few old metal seats and tens of dressed in white Egyptian security officers. I feel bad for these officers, because once the Palestinian leave the Israeli side they think “no more enemies and people who mistreat us” so the Palestinians are not very nice toward these Egyptians officers who are underpaid and overworked (for real they are!) with minimum entertainment in the desert, there guys are board to death and would talk to anyone. I spent sometime talking to them and getting to learn about the.

It was pass sunset now and we had to do our fourth prayer of the day, which we did in a group and it seemed to me that the Egyptian officers wanted to keep as much distance from us as possible as if we had the Avian Flu or something. Eventually, we got hungry and wanted food, my mom actually gave me some food which lasted me some time, but I had to get rid of it near the Israelis, because they do not look kindly at it. Where can we get food in the desert? Literary there are no shops, nor businesses around that piece of dry land probably due to security issues and bilateral agreements between the Israelis and Egyptians. We could not even buy anything from the duty free store because we were in the no man land and they cannot sell us a thing.

I asked one of the officers and told me to wait, there is a guy who can run and get us some food and drinking water. He came later one and charged us through the nose for some sterile bread and some no name corned beef can. We wanted anything, we were so hungry, we paid him what he asked for and even more. But the funny thing was when we opened the can of meet, before me and the guys even dig in, a group of aggressive cats attacked us wanted our food, and they won’t even leave when we try to signal to them to walk away. We ate what we could, and everyone was hungry still, but not much you can do, we prayed our last prayer of the day—I do not remember if we did it in a group or solo. Everyone wanted to crash for the night, we look around and collected a number of smoke boxes and used them as sheets. My mom was helpful here because she has backed me a light blanket which felt like silk because when you are stuck, anything helps to alleviate your suffering. All the guys were happy I had it, so when I woke up, there was like three guys sleeping next to me. It wasn’t weird because I expected it and we did not have enough smoke boxes. In the morning, the lady and her son were gone, the Egyptian have granted hr permission to leave due to her sickness.

We had to wait for the first bus to get on it and get back to the Israeli side to get back in the Gaza Strip. My family tried to help form their end, they went to the Egyptian embassy trying to talk them to let me into the country, but the guys at the embassy were not very helpful and told my family that I need to get back in and then get back once the paperwork has been filed plus two to four weeks wasted. Our bus came, and the older Palestinian guy bought his smoke with the help of some Egyptian officers whom got a slice of the pie. He loaded his box and kept bragging to us about how clever he is, in fact he said he would help me to get my own box of smokes, I was tempted, but never done it because I was too chicken to get into this shady business.

We got back on the bus and head to the Israeli side, it has not changed since the day before, same machines, probably same officers…etc. this time I was not interviewed by the Israelis, they let me off the hook. They did however interview the mechanic guy whose family has been involved in some resistance activities. Once the Israelis cleared us to go back, we got on the bus, but before I think I walked into an café for Israeli officers, they gave me an awkward look, I took that to mean “get out of here” which I did. Ia minute later an Israeli female officers came and yelled at the bus driver for not controlling us. By that time of august, the borders were not very busy because most Palestinians who live abroad have already returned to where they work or where they go to school, so we did not have to wait for hours.

Once we arrived to the Palestinian side, they took our passports and I was determined not to be interviewed by the security guys and not to be taken advantage of by a taxi driver. Fortunately, the Palestinians gave me my passports and no need for interview me. The word on the street that the checkpoint of abu holly was closed and we have to wait for half a day or even longer. I got in a taxi for 10 shekels about two dollars, the taxi will drive me to the checkpoint and leave me there till the checkpoint opens. Actually, that was a great deal because if I took a cabbie to drive me home, he would want to charge me for half day work. We arrived to the checkpoint and there was craven of cars and trucks waiting to be let in. I took my stuff out put it to the side of the road, I was starving by then, we took a corner of the street me, the older guy, and the mechanic who joined us later. As we sat others came and joined our circle including a farmer of the southern Gaza city who is going to drop his produce up north to jabalya the biggest market in Gaza Strip, it also happen to be the largest refugee camp in Palestine. To tell you the truth there was a lot of tea, coffee, cold drinks and snacks sold to people as they wait for the checkpoint to open. Politics was all what these guys talked about, who is better, worse? What will happen once the Israelis disengage? I listened more than I spoke. Tried to find a driver who would rive me home, found one who wanted eight dollars but he seems not to know where I was going, I did not want to go with him. Hours later about 8 hours later the checkpoint opens or people got sick of waiting and started moving. I found a taxi driver who would take 10 shekels and drive me to Gaza City, a 30 minutes drive. It was getting late already, I got in the taxi and paid my toll, the drive was safe no problems, got o Gaza City at 9 PM, and looked for a taxi that will take me to my town Biet Lahia , it took a while but I found a driver who was going north, charged me 2 shekels (.50 cents). Remember I was carrying my two bags with me all the way from one side of the city to the other, they were heavy, but I did not mind. The driver dropped my on the main street, about 10 minutes walk to my house. I toughened up and got ready to lift my odd shaped language. Once, I arrived to my street, my parents were standing outside waiting for me. They were so relived to see me back and feeling back for my trouble. I was happy to see them too because they will make me a nice meal, but I was also worried about getting back to the house where my newly wed brother might find it awkward that I was in the house. He has just gotten married four days ago and they were staying in our large house. But sure it was awkward because his wife did not know me and I have been corrupted by Godless America (that is a joke)

Now, I am back and I had to arrange a way to get back to the United States from Gaza

My younger brother was just married two days prior to my first attempt to depart the Gaza Strip to get to the US. I had a number of concerns that kept bogging me as I was planning this trip:

• Will the Israelis allow me out of Gaza again, they have permitted me once, and can I still use the same permit.
• How long will it get the Egyptians to get me a visa to enter their land? I did not have weeks, school starts in days.
• My ticket was to leave from Cairo on August 25th, and now it was 21st of August. After all it was with Russian airlines (Aeroflot) the only customer service number I can find for them is in Russia and a voice mail in New York.

Some family and friends stated blaming each other for this problem, my dad says “Your mom should never have insisted on you coming back, now you are trapped here with all of us” My mom was mad at the Egyptians for not allowing me into the country when the Israelis did. In a way my mom was happy that I am back so she can have me around—easier for here then to plot in the dark my marriage. But to be honest I do not blame the Egyptians, I do blame the lack of information and vague instructions. I was really mad, because that will cause further delays, and money to buy a new airline ticket and border fees.

Now, I did not have a game plan. But when you got a large family as I do, you come to appreciate that. My older brother who manages to befriend all sorts of odd people has come to work miracles. He contacted a cousin of mine, Sameeh who is a leader of the Alqsa Brigade military wing (till this moment Sameh makes the news on daily basis) to ask him what he can do, since he has great contacts with the intelligence community and just about everyone in the government. Sameh was really upset that I left the US to come visit—he has great respect for American and the West. Sameh actually trained in many places including Virginia, US. He was featured on Skynews the other day and my roommates loved his pictures with guns. What Sameeh did for me, I cannot thank him enough for. He called his guys and check with them and it turn out that we got people. Here is what happened

• Sameh asked me for some paperwork (letter of admittance to school, passport, I-20 form)
• His friends made copies and went to the local Fateh office—this is the party of the current president of Palestine—issued a letter of recommendation addressed to some big shot in the intelligence office in Gaza.
• The letter in short said “Hani is a good guy and he is our boy, he needs help to get to Egypt where he will need go to the American embassy to issue him a visa”
• I have also kept in touch with the office of Civil Affairs to figure out if the Israelis will let me out again on the same permit.
• Things were looking good and two days later I was told that my tanseeq paperwork is done and I got to hit the road again in my way to “Freedom” by freedom I mean fast net.
• Sameh Informed me that he will shoot in my leg next time I come back to this crappy place, he was serious and was mad, but he was a great help, so he could say anything he wanted. I knew he has the guns and the guts to do it.

On the same day I heard the news, my brother called the same lousy cabbie that took me in the first time, some of my family came to our house to see me off…again. My mom did not cry much this time; she might have thought I will be back home soon. Same thing happens, I get to the borders, the Egyptian side was closed, few hours later the open the door and take our passports, send it to the Israelis for clearance. I prayed that the Israelis will not send me back this time. They did not! Before, I boarded the taxi, I ran into Hossam, the kid who was going to Russia and had the same problem as I did. So it was nice to see familiar face in the crowd. We chatted for a long time, and it was a great company. When we both were cleared we got in taxies, took of my belt and went through the same sophisticated security machines and all went smoothly. This time we were on the road to the Egyptians with a boast of confidence, after all me and Hossam were bragging about how connected we were.

We arrived to the Egyptian side, and everyone chased to get through the traffic and hand in their passports. The Egyptians asked us when was our tanseeq paperwork was done, gave them the date and they asked us where we were going. Hossam said, “I am going to Russia” “via Egypt” he added. I said to the officer “I am going to Cairo” “My paperwork was done yesterday” he thanked me and ask us to wait. As we were waiting the Egyptian officers who tried to help Hossam earlier saw him and said he will help us get out stuff sooner. Hossam seemed to like the guy, but little did he know, the guy cannot do much. In fact, we did not need him we were good to go. Anyhow, the officer went in there and got us our passports with a stamp of valid for 7 days (it was our visa, I guess) Hossam if I recall correctly gave the officer about 25 Egyptian pounds (roughly 5 dollars), he snuck it to him in the passport in the bathroom.

I called my family and told them the good news that I will be heading to Egypt and everything is kosher or Halal as we would say in Arabic. My family was so relived that it has worked out this time. We paid our entrance fees roughly 35 dollars. We head it for the gate, me and my boy Hossam. The Egyptians let us out of the door and had us go through some routine security and examining our passports.

At that point, I was so happy that I am now in Egypt, a country I feel I know from all the movies we watch, pretty much the same familiarity people have with cities where Hollywood studios shoot.

Now, the cabbies all wanted to take us, different cars, vans, trucks and all have a quote, many guys want to sell us phone chips, food…etc. but we went for the taxi who would take us from Rafah, the border town to Cairo, about 6 hours drive. He charged us something like $10 for the ride, which seemed like a good deal. We loaded our bags and we got in the taxi that was in a bad shape, but who cares. There were 4-5 other riders in the taxi, an older woman who covered here mouth and had her daughter with her, two other quite.

Hossam and I were engaged in conversation, when this lady won’t shut up. I thought covering her mouth with make her more modest, but little did I know. First she wanted to play her music, and then she started passing fresh figs, which we did not eat. She got mad at us and said not so nice things. And her finally act was she wanted us to go to this restaurant Yamani she said he sells fresh seafood, I was willing to try it, but then when we found the place, me and Hossam decided not to buy food with these folks, again the lady got mad at us. So we bough snacks and we seem to do fine. Hours later we make it to Egypt and the taxi driver drops the talkative lady with her daughter in some shady neighborhood, she was trouble all around. The driver volunteered to find us a hotel for the night, both I and Hossam had to go to a hotel because we have to wait. I did have some in laws of my extended family living in Cairo, my mom wanted me to look them up, I did not till later.

Now the driver took us to this hotel in the old city of Cairo. It charged $30 a night for double bedroom. I thought it was a good deal. I gave the guy some bills, he did not give my change back, so I figured what this is guy is about, I changed the rules of the game, I would give him the exact change and I want to give him something, I would add it. We check in and were shocked by our rooms, there were not as good as I thought they would be, but did not whine much about it. I have learned that the driver who dropped us at the hotel, has asked for a kick back which he had received.

We were both tired and hungry, which promoted us to go downstairs and buy some snacks, we could not find anything nearby. The hotel was by Nadi Al Shams some old and large sport club. I was impressed by Egypt’s size and its security forced all over the road, they have stopped us all along the road and even near the bridges—where some kids tried to sell us some merchandise. WE crashed for the night after watching some TV, I liked the music channel, it kept me up for a while, but both of us were tired.


We woke up around 7 AM and took care of business and got ready for a very long day in a strange place. We were told that the hotel serves a complementary breakfast. Me and Hossam went down to the lobby’s restaurant and showed them the key, they gave us a plate with bread, an egg, jam, butter and a small bowel of foul a common Egyptian/ Arab breakfast made of beans. I love this stuff, but the way they serve it in Egypt is more liquidy and olive oil was not provided. We ate our breakfast and drank our sodas and thanked the waiter, left him couple of Egyptian pounds and went out to get a taxi.

There was a taxi driver at the door waiting to find some tourist to rip off, he did not let us walk away from him, he asked for about 50 Egyptian pounds to drive us to Midan El Ta7reer, this is where all important government and foreign business in Egypt takes place. Hossam said if we talk a block away form the hotel, we will get a cheaper ride, he seems to know his way around, so we did walk a block away and found a cabbie who ask us “how much do you want to pay for the ride?” it was a strange question, but we told him something along the lines of 20 Egyptian pounds, he said 40 Egyptian pounds, we got in and paid him 35 Egyptian pounds, he was happy, we were thrifty.

I loved the streets in Egypt, we saw some many squares and historical monuments along the way, it was a large city, there were huge ad billboard everywhere, selling movies, shampoo, soft drinks and even some political billboards (the time we were there was a week away from Egypt holding its presidential election) It was about 25 minutes ride. I went to the embassy, the American one, and Hossam went on his way to find the Russian embassy to get his visa. We separated and agreed to meet somewhere later that day. Anyhow, there was so many security officers around the American embassy, and barricade on both ends of the street, I showed my paperwork to the officers, they check my plastic bag and let me go through.

Now, my interview with the American embassy was supposed to take place three days prior to my arrival. Obviously I did not make it because of the delays. I waited for the Egyptian American officers at the door and told them the situation, they told me I need to call the company that schedule the interviews—the US outsource this job to a third party who charges about a dollar a minute on the phone. I tired to talk them out, they would not listen. So, I went cross the street and made the call to the company and briefly explained the situation to them, they were very helpful and did their best to get me their soonest. They told me I can go there not tomorrow, but the day after tomorrow and my name would be on the list. That was the best I could do, so there was not much to do, so I went on to figure out what paperwork the American embassy would want me to fill. I went to the bank where the Americans outsource their fee collection and paid about $50 in fees, I was given an application in English and a sheet of instruction sheet in Arabic. I was told that I would need photos, and my I-20 form, my passport, and my financial statements. I got everything ready to go. The guy, who took my picture, had a little shady shop and guessed I was either form Tunisia or from Yemen, I laughed.

Later that day, I met with Hossam and went to eat in a Koshari shop called El imbratoor (Egyptian rise with lintel beans, onions, noodles and hot sauce) it was tasty and cheap. Then we went to a movie together. Hossam figured out what he needed to do and he need to go later tomorrow at 4 PM to apply for his visa. The movie was fun, I think it was with Adel Imad the most famous Egyptian actor “El safarah fil ‘Omarah” then we hit the streets of Cairo for shopping. After couple of hours, we found a taxi and we headed back to the hotel. We called it a day.

The next day, after our breakfast, we head the road and Hossam started taking care of his application and he was to go later that day to get his visa to Russia. I did not have much that day, so I just hang out and enjoy what Cairo has to offer. I think that day, we had launch at Hardee’s, and they had nice halal burgers (Kosher) As I am used to serl service, I thought this American restaurant will be the same like in America, but these guys had servants and there was no refills, which was not cool. It was a very expensive meal though, more than $4 which is a lot of money in Egypt, you would think that would stop people from buying it, no, it does not.

We went to another movie, and it was fun, but I hated the guys working in the theater, they are a rip off, everyone asks for a tip for anything, you tip like at least four individuals before you get to watch the movie. The gal that cut our ticket asked for na tip, I pretend it not to understand. The guy who put us in the cafeteria and put a gun to our head to buy overpriced food items asked for a kickback. I did not order a thing, but Hossam ordered mango juice and got me a sprite. When the bill came, he yelled “What the Heck, this is a rip off” in Arabic “Ya waradi hadul ‘hramya.” He paid and we got in the theater, the guy who gave us sin the showroom, wanted a tip and harassed us, I paid this guy. I thought that would be it, but inside, there was an usher guy who gave us seats and asked for another tip. Good thing, we did not have any girls with us, because these guys shame folks in front of their lady friends.

After the movie, we headed to the Russian embassy and Hossam got in with his paper, I sat on the door of the embassy, kicking it with the security guys who were form Southern Egypt (the kind ones) they loved talking to me, they were board to death. And the offices they were guarding did not have much threat unlike the American embassy does. At the door there was a guy selling a basic Egyptian instrument Rababah I bargained the guy and he gave me three for the price of one, yes he did. I asked the officers if they would play some on it, the officer laughed and told me give it to the other officer, he knows how. After that they got me a chair to sit and tell them stories.

Half an hour later Hossam came out and he was granted a visa and was a happy person. We left the embassy place and he had to go get an airplane ticket, so we went back to Midan el Ta7reer where there are scores of travel agencies, we shopped around for a cheap ticket to Russia, he found a guy who made us walk with him like 5 minutes where he took us to another ticket agent, who could not help us. We kept shopping till we found a travel agent who sold him a ticket for about $400. He paid and before that he had to show his passport in indicate that he has a visa to Russia. Now, Hossam was set and he had an extra day to waste in Cairo.

I still have the phone number of my distant in-laws living in suburb of Cairo; I called these guys and convenience Hossam to come along. The in-laws had kids of my age and that’s why I needed to go meet with them, these guys tried to help me in the first time when the Egyptians would not let me in my first attempt. I called in and got the directions, we took a cab and it was 15 minutes ride. They lived in a different neighborhood, middle class, not too many tourists go there, they live near Masjid ‘Amro Bin El ‘as, the first mosque to be built in Egypt, it is a huge a nice complex. We got lost for a minute, so we called again form a telecommunication office who charged us nickels for the call. When I could not get the direction, my in laws asked me to give the guy next to me the phone so he can figure out where we were. Ten minutes later, my distant in law came and took us to their house.

So now that I am in Egypt and heading for my appointment at the American embassy in Cairo for my interview, I had kind of worried that it might be a challenge to get my US visa again.

Stood in line at the door of the embassy early that morning and my name was checked in a sheet with the gate keepers, a minute later they let us in, screen us in a room with all the technologies they can use. I made it to the councral window handed in my papers, there were so many lines and lanes for all various services the embassy does. 20 minutes later they called me to different window with a number, the guy was a white male early forty, really nice guy. Asked me questions in English and made sure that I have all the paperwork and applications he can have, there were litarty more than 30 pages involved. He told me to take a seat and then called me to ask me if I have any financial statements from my dad, I said no, but I told him that my dad works for the UNRWA (a subdivision of the UN who serves the Palestinian refugees) He really insisted upon that. But I made him aware of my timeline, my earlier border troubles with Egyptians and my school has already started. He was a kind guy, he did not yell at me.

Now, I am back at my seat while he is running all sorts of background checks, and doing his data mining on me. 5 minutes later he calls me and ask me a question "Have you ever lost a passport in the United States?" I was like "oops, this guy knows something, I said no on the form because I really did not make a big deal out of it" But I remembered the incident, it happened in NYC in 2002, where I forgot my bag in a Cab coming from the JFK airport to visit a cousin along with my good friend Shadi. I told this story to the counselr guy and I said the truth and showed him the police report, I way happy that I said the truth. I almost denied that out of fear to deal with consequences.

15 minutes later he called me and said "I will issue you a visa!" I was so happy, and overwhelmed by emotions because at end my long journey to the US has not being a waste. The officer was a gracious and a kind person who really wanted to help and he did I think expdaite me application. The next day was some holiday in the US and they were not working, so he said it might take couple of days to get my visa to me. He asked me to go pay their courier about 50 Egyptian pounds so they can deliver it to my place (the hotel I was staying) I thanks the officer and let him know that I appreciated it. He probably hears it all the time so it was not a big deal, but I really was grateful.

On the same day, I called my family and told them the good news, they were happy that my trouble was not wasted for nothing. My friends back in Washington DC got a hold of my (Nawar Shora and Mary Fantaye, Kari Ann) got a hold of me and learned of the news. Kari actually, knew some many government officials all the way to Collin Powell and she was willing to make some phone calls. But there was no need.

I went to shop for an airline ticket to get back to the US, but I could not because they had to see that I have a visa first before they help me. Two days later, I got my passport and my visa back with the courier (TNT, ironic name ha!) who missed me the first time, but I got a hold of them and came back for me.

I took the passport and head back to Midan Elta'hreer to get my ticket. I started shopping around and knew, my options were narrow because of the timeline I had. British Airways and Air France insist that I get a Transfer Visa if I was to fly with their airlines, I did not have time for this. Since I was not going there, I did not understand why the need for the transfer visa.

Hours later I got a deal on the Malev airlines (Hungarian Airlines) first class ticket to JFK New York. Boy that was nice, it was to fly early morning the next day. The price could not be anymore right, for just under $1000. I took it since they did not ask for a transfer visa. I tried the Russian airlines, which my earlier ticket was with them, but it was overbooked. Once I got my ticket to JFK, I got online and looked for a ticket to Utah from JFK, and found one with JetBlue for under $300. So the whole trip was planed now. I did have one concern, I only had two hours of layover in JFK so two hours to get through with immigration, customs, officials and terminals to make it to the right terminal in JFK, it was the only option I had

The Egyptian officers spent 25 minutes trying to figure out the international code for Palestine travelers—the same thing happened in when I was flying out of Virginia, it is PSE if you are curious. Egyptian airport was way nice, I thought it would be old and dirty, but wrong I was, great airport and smooth operation.

I loved my trip, the airlines was really nice and took care of me since the first minute, they treated me to a lunge in Egypt and another one in Budapest airport, lots of food, drinks (I love the Yogurts) and they even gave me a gift for flying with them.

Immigrations officials were nice, no major worries, just couple of questions. Customs did not even open my bags, I did have two small sizes, but they did not think big deal. Security to change terminal was very personable and speedy. I made it to the right gate and had plenty of time. I was so happy that I am back in the states for real because I kept thinking that something will go wrong and I will have to go back.

Got to Utah after midnight and my buddy Jonathan picked me up and then I took him to eat on the same night, we talked and finally I made it to my apartment (I did not have keys) I woke up the new roommates to open the door for me, which the did. I slept on the coach that night, in fact I did not sleep at all because I was still impressed by how I made it to the States only a week late.
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