Blacks and Watermelon

I have heard in the past that African Americans love watermelon, and I was like then I am an African American then. Ever since I was a little boy I have fallen in love with this very sweet treat. But then I thought about warmer places and how people love to cool by eating watermelon. You go to Fourth of July and there are Indian selling watermelon.

Not sure if the stereotype sticks, I am guessing all people love watermelon. But today I had an interesting encounter.

I was doing produce shopping for the week and there were those nice big watermelon and I knew this would make a nice summer treat. I grabbed it, it was $5.99 no tax. As I walked home three African Americans stopped me to ask me one question, "Where did you get the watermelon from?" One guy stopped his car to ask me, two girls were checking out the watermelon and saying "Wow!"

I passed by a lot of Mexican street vendor selling sliced watermelon and mango. No one asked me about the watermelon....I will kill the watermelon as soon as I can and would like to remind you the whitest people I know happen to also like watermelon.

Continue Reading...

Israel: "Oh...but you killed my cat"

So, the current Israel government and their allies in the republican party have officially gone off the reservation. They are ushering a new phase of peace negotiations with the Palestinians, which is the following, "Shut up Palestine, you do not exist and you will never do" That's what I am hearing from these guys. While the Palestinian leadership has been working hard to establish recognition from the world community, distancing themselves form violent and turning in any Palestinians who engaged in violence, Israel counties to steal more land from the people of Palestine and target/kill anyone who feel like killing.

So when Obama said the borders of 1967, these clowns in the Israeli government and those Republicans (and some democrats too) who put Israel first before American, no one dare to question their motives. Not just that as Israel continues to deft the wishes of the US let alone everyone other player in the world community as well, the US still wants to give them more money in aid and few dare to call them bluff.

Not sure what this Israel government is thinking, comes September then this is will be the real rapture day for them when the state of Palestine against statehood from the UN--sure the US will try to block it, in fact they will. And this act alone will bring an end of the PA. Then a new phase will be upon us, the one man one vote operation. One state solution, no more Jewish state crap just like no more white South Africa junk in the 90s.

I do not think the government of Israel has any plan for that moment--other than restoring to violence of course. Cannot wait to see September 2011-the deadline the Obama administration put forward for establishing a Palestinian state.

In all honesty, I am beginning to draw an analogy here. In America when you live under someone's roof, you abide by their rules, even if those people given you shelter are your parents--you sign away your right to have it your way when you move in. Israel has taken over the basement and the US is asking them to abide by no rules, but rather common decency, they say no! Why stop there, now the person in the basement is making up new rules and expecting you the home owner to abide by them. And if you so much and think about kicking them out--the blackmail you and tell you "Oh, but you killed my cat"

my two cents...

Continue Reading...

Will The Muslims Be Raptured Tomorrow?

So it seems that we are supposed to be ruptured tomorrow, judgement day is coming for us on May 21, 2011, that means we are will be flying up in the air.

As I see it more Muslims and Arabs are not worried about this day, they know we are on the no fly list. No rapture for us, I'd like to see them try to rapture us....

It's gonna take more than a rapture to get us flying in the air again without much red tape involved.

Continue Reading...

Osama Porn? I Don't Buy It

For the record, I do not believe for one second that these guys found porn in the OBL house, I really do not buy it at all. Keep in mind this is coming from the same agency that wanted to accuse Saddam of being gay and loves boys in order to rally the Arab people against him--they ended up not going that route (read more about it here). So it's not new for those agencies to spread fog of war and try to use what they can to cover up something--it's a tactic. What's the best way to discredit the dead guy with everyone even the nay sayers?

I bet this is another ploy to get more people against OBL--there are so many reason to despise the guy. Porn is not one of them. Also had the other young men in the house watched pron, they would really do a good job to hide them away--it would take more than 38 minutes to find them--the duration of the military operation on the OBL house.

This one is not a theory, it's just obvious. to believe that Osama Bin Laden was into porn is naive, I know I won't but it for a second. Those who believe this kind of stuff, are the first to subscribe to the idea that Muslims are sexually frustrated and that's why they do all they do. Yes, just like the Hollywood movies advice in every romantic movie--it's all about sex. But here there is some outdated orientalist views. I have known many religious figures and conservatives who are bused on porn, that's not new.

Once again, I care less for OBL, he got what was coming for him, but I do see a reason to believe that he had pron.

For joke sake: maybe Osama likes porn, we know that he likes to see infidels get screwed

Continue Reading...

Acoustic Jannat Still HOT

She is from morocco but has been making Egypt her home since the 2000, Egypt loved her back...but Jannat has one of the better voices among the young singers. Her vocals can do a wide range of songs, but she mostly sticks to romance and blues...with pop influence. Here she sits down for an interview and covers some of her songs, you can see the quality of her voice this way better.

Continue Reading...

6 Types of Arab Mother in Law

• 
  

Vanilla Ice Pose, baby.

Poking fun of mother in Laws never goes out of style, they are like special species that we all try to decode and analyze. While I genuinely love my mother in law–she is a doll. I feel that the number one factor Arab females take into consideration is how they get along with the Hamatti, Arabic for that person from hell. From what I hear and see in Syrian soap operas, it seems that Syrian mother in laws are a different breed, so in their honor here is the six types of Arab Mother in Laws the universe have blessed us with.

1. The Auditor: She is not a bad mother-in-law, she just doesn’t know any better. She lives down the street and appears when you least expect it (like when you’re playing “backgammon” with your husband). She shows up with stuff that your kids threw away and gives you a lecture about it: “In the old country, this would never be OK!” Although she’s definitely your best choice for a babysitter, you shouldn’t let her get too close to your daily routine. The Auditor can never sit still, and she will always find a way to criticize your clothing, cooking, and the way you choose to raise your children – pardon me, her grandchildren. To survive this one, play chicken with her, she may give up.
2. The Friend: She is just grateful that you put away her childish son, the one that gave her a hard time since she spent 12 hours in labor with him 30 years ago. She takes your opinion on her wardrobe and family matters and she respects your educational background (as long as you’re not a veterinarian). She is nice to your mother, and at times she may even appear selfless. She keeps to herself and rarely intrudes. The Friend makes it a point to kill you with kindness. Of course, expect your own mother to become jealous of the buddy-buddy relationship you have with your mother-in-law.
3. The One From Hell: She says evil things like, “When was the last time you even looked at a stair master?” even though she’s 40 pounds overweight. When you try to dish it back out – or at the very least hold her accountable – she plays the health card: “Oh my heart, I only have a few more years to live, Allah sa3adni.” She enjoys authority and loves abusing it (like the time she made you sit at the kid’s table last Eid al-Adha). She spares nothing when insulting your origin – your family is from Homs?? – while conveniently forgetting her own less than stellar roots. Nothing you do will ever be good enough, especially when it comes to food (even though everyone knows that your maklooba blows her shit out of the water). Whatever happens, do not wish her ill and pray an IDF illegal bomb shrapnel will find her way to her foot, but only her foot! Your only recourse is to win your father-in-law’s affection, and pray that he is able to balance out The One From Hell.
4. The Passive Aggressive: She acts like you don’t exist and she only talks to her son (aka your husband). If there’s something important, she only asks for his opinion and ignores you, pretending as if you are unable to intelligently contribute to any conversation. It’s almost as if she sees you as her son’s roommate, someone that he keeps around to help pay for groceries. But, the Passive Aggressive is just trying to figure herself out; her brothers stole her inheritance and her mother never hugged her enough when she was a child. Your best bet is to scream into a pillow, take Mary Jane as a mistress, or find an excuse to relocate to Alaska.
5. The Indifferent: She is too busy with her own life and doesn’t have time to worry about you let alone your children. She’s pleasant, but don’t expect her to put down her Blackberry when she’s talking to you…or to offer to help you prepare Sunday dinner. She does an excellent job distancing herself from everyone around her, and never drops by to say hello – unless of course she needs something from her son. She has a career of her own, and half a dozen other daughters-in-law, so you don’t really matter to her that much. However, take caution: this may change the moment you have children. The Indifferent will work harder to get close to you and eventually to her grandchildren.
6. The One That Wants To Outdo You: She thinks she is hotter, more chic, and younger than you. She even wears Apple Bottom jeans cause she thinks she has more swag than you. Everyone knows that her nose, lips, and cheeks are fake, but they don’t dare say anything for fear of having rumors spread abin the past year, but they choose to ignore but they all fear to tell her that to her face to they let her live on her own never land. God forbid cook anything in the microwave; she will never let you forget how you tried to poison her son and grandchildren, and she will be at your house every night insisting on cooking your family dinner. She is the alpha female of the house and she will mark her territory with droplets of your pride. Don’t try to marginalize her or downplay what she says. With the One That Wants to Outdo You, it’s all about the games you play.

[Tarboush Tip: Andrew]

Continue Reading...

Groceries Are Expensive

So, if you have not noticed, prices of food are increasing at a rapid rate. Some place gas prices--it has to do with the increased prices. And other factors too, but the very main factor behind the increased prices of food around the globe is simple, India and China. I know food is getting a lot more expensive everywhere now even at home.

As the Chinese and the Indians see prosperity, they demand more food, when they demand more food, the cost of bringing you your food soars. The amount of food production is limited, so the Americans are no bidding against the Chinese and the Indians to secure food supplies.

So in other words, that Chinese sweater you bought might be 10 dollars less than the other one made in a different country, you are happy about saving the 10 bucks, but what you do not realize is that 10 bucks you saved you will have to put back some of it into your grocery bill as the Chinese manufacture can afford better food now.

Maybe we all can eat Chinese and Indian food now, the more we consume of those two foods, the mroe the Chinese and the Indians have to pay for their own naan and noodles. I mean this is the unavoidable, if it was not the Chinese ordering food, it could be the French or the Egyptians.

I know I feel super when I buy American, I really do and have always felt happy when I buy somthing made here.

Continue Reading...

Had Enough Bacon Already?

So what I do not eat this American favorite food, the dudes love it and keep buying anything that is made with it. They have chocolate bars with bacon inside. Any now Denyy's got an ice cream Sundae with bacon. Please stop with this crap, we are both on the same health plan, your poor health choices will affect me...if you were gonna die just die, do not spend money in health care and then give up.

There is beef/turkey bacon, I can buy it and consume it, but I don't! fried bacon just looks like a strip of someone's heart.

Denny's Baconalia Parody

Continue Reading...

12 Steps to Survive an Arab Breakup

Feeling Like you’re starting over, having difficulty trusting again, having an identity crisis, various stages of grief are among the common symptoms people going through breakup often experience.. An Arab breakup is often more brutal than other breakups because for one we tend to make very calculated steps when it comes to our social life. Second, all Arab courtship are a public affair, there is no such thing as down-low. Those are based on real life lessons.
We know that the best way to survive this stage is to be ruthless and look out for number one, here’s how you go about it:

1. Make something up about her questionable stands on religion better yet believe those accusations yourself.
2. Never too late to start listening to Abdel Haleem Hafiz old songs, his songs and his personal life are nothing but a tragedy.
3. Become her/his mom/dad best friend. This will make the person that dumped you feel bad and you know their parent think their kids can never do anything right
4. Start a rumor about her family’s reputation, something about their women and male whores for brothers
5. Call her family animal haters–and that you love pooches. Tip PETA about how they keep sheep in their bedroom. You can also call them “impure” for having dogs inside their home.
6. Get your own hookah, it will be your best friend for a while and you know you will be sucking for a long time.
7. Box up all the things that he gave you, or that remind you of him. Put them in a box and donate them to benefit your local charity.
8. Cut off all contact with him for at least a month; this will help the healing process because you won’t be talking to him all the time. Again Gaza/Somalia would be good spots, the phone lines and Internet do not work over there.
9. Learn to make Kenfae (Arabic desert with cheese and noodles), the respect, love and admiration you will get from all your circle will compensate you for the love from that nameless ex. This single act alone is enough to give you an orgasm
10. Seduce her/his lesser attractive PhD holding sister/brother. This is not weird, creepy or anything, in Arabic they call that Naseeb! This is like spying on your ex but you get to look like a decent person doing it.
11. Exercise. Let all that endorphins leave your body, feel happier, and sexier. Boost your confidence. Better yet exercise while eating Kenafah.
12. Enlist in the US Army, hope for a US invasion of her home country, then bomb the hell out of her home.

[Tarboush Tip: Andrew]

Continue Reading...

One Less Bad Rotten Apple

So the number one guy on the terrorist watch list is now no longer with us. He is gone and I am pleased to see him gone. The many who is affiliated with death destruction terrors and mayhem is no longer with us...that's the good news.

What I do not get is all the festivities celebrating his death...people like Glen Beck gave out cookies and brought out a marching band, he is just an example. I get it, he was an evil guy. But does not dancing over his dead body make you a different person than you thought you were?

Sure if your family has seen death because of this guy, I can understand the sense of comfort and relief this will mean to you. But this is not what I am talking about, there are people are all giddy about this guy's death. Those are often the same people that said, "Palestinians gave away candy on 9/11 in celebration, what's wrong with them"--we still do not know if that has really happened.

I see the same faces now partying like it's their prom night. Osama Bin Laden's death is a milestone in the war of terror, it should never be downplayed or marginalized, he is the big cheese. But there is really no need to be all festive about this death. He is still a soul and has family. Screw him really, no one cares about his face, but what I worry about is people getting too much into hate.

For me this was the same feeling when Sharon, the former Israeli Prime Minster and murderer was in comma and whenever people wanted to mock his medical condition, I did not feel right. I know I am not alone in this because the same Islam that those terrists use to justify their killing has also told me, "La Shamata Fil Moot", "You Don't rejoice others' death"

my take...

Continue Reading...