More Kicks

Gosh, it takes so long to defrost some frozen meat. I think the microwave takes forever to defrost some ground beef. By the time the microwave defrosted my ground beef, I am no longer hungry. You know sometimes I get home after a long work day and just throw in some meat in the microwave and let is defrost, when it is done, who knows I might be hungry all over again. I might have a soccer game while the meat is defrosting and then I will be hungry.

I was told that my Spanish pronunciation is great, but I was never told that my English is good; they occasionally make fun of my accent. If my Spanish is better than my English and I have learned Spanish much later in life, am I am meant to be a Mexican? After all, I mean I do have the looks and the pronunciation now.

Second Generation in Technology means better, bigger, faster, smarter, nicer...etc. is this also true in case of immigrants? When someone says I am a second generation Mexican American, does that mean they are better than their parents?

I am so mad at the Pizza places, they charge you nickels for the pizza and dollars for the topping, and I just hate that. What if we start taking our toppings with us to the Pizza place and ordering just a plain pizza and asking them to use our toppings we could call them "kosher toppings" so the pizza people do not harass us.

So, there was an ad on TV the other day for some a book with new technology, they were marketing the book to be interactive book! I was like wow, now we can talk to the book instead of the author of book talking to us one way. Now we can be more democratic and the author of the book can hear me badmouth her/him as I read their work. We will have a problem though if the author starts talking back at us "Well, if you do not like my book, that is your problem, but I still get paid royalties since you already have paid for the book"

Another ad was on TV and it was for Panasonic Tough Book Laptop, this is a laptop that you can drop, spill drinks on, scratch and it won't break. I am sorry I thought that was the point of laptops. I drop mine, scratch it and occasionally spill soda on it and it still works. I am sorry I do not need a tough book I do not see a need for it yet.

Yeah I am sorry about the ads; I do not have cable so I guess that is what you get when you do not have any basic cable...hours of straight lame broadcasting.

I was reading a newspaper the other day and it quoted international law stating about banning weapons that causes "unnecessary suffering" Hey, I was not aware there was different types of suffering. So, after all and according to international law, Let's see what would present an example for a necessary suffering that would be the suffering when one of you get dumped, or the one you get when you flunk a class, or when you stand in the grocery's store line behind a coupon clipping person. I mean it was funny that someone has to spell it out, but here you have it and I hope I am not causing you any "unnecessary suffering" as long as the suffering is necessary I am fine with that.

You know, we all have friends and friends are great... (Look at the audience and point at someone) hey can you be my friend...just friends no dental plan, I will pay you though. Yeah, I have a friend who is a self proclaimed health inspector and personal trainer. Whenever, I eat something good she yells "No, Hani, you should not eat this donut it is bad for you" "No, you should not go for the shake, it of full of fat and calories" I am like "Wow, I did not know that, are you sure this is true" C'mon even kids now know what she is preaching. You mean people can choke on a donut and die or get a brain freeze from the shake that will shake their brain and lead them to death? You mean that stake will bite me and swallow me as I am sink my fork into it? People know that, do not make me sick. Or better go tell your fat husband that...starts at home. Or my personal favorite that I do not get, but hear all the time "you should quit smoking" "Smoking could kill You" Here is what I would say if I was a smoker "You mean terrorists will bring down the US government" "That's the only way I will die since the government will no longer hand food stamps" I would tell them further "Why do you hate America so much" " Dude, Stop your unpatriotic attitude"

I was with my friend Lindsay and her sister Rachel the other day in the car and they were talking about some literary work that I have no interest in hearing about. Bored with the conversation I said "You Guys read sill books" and both of them were like "I cannot believe he just said that" I thought they were taking it the wrong way and thinking I insult them as females when I said "you guys" so I tried to rectify the situation by saying "I referred to you guys as Americans and not females" They looked at me and said "I am not sure which one is the greater insult" So I though probably what I did saved me because I could live my life with insulting Americans, but not females. Here is why, I might not marry an American woman and be fine, but if I insult women then I cannot marry women with such reputation. I want to be fine with Mexican women so I mean on disrespected for the female nation. I am not sure if I like my other options once I insulted women which I did not intend on doing.

So you know how some people talk to their pets like they were human? C'mon you know you have seen these people before. Yeah, I hate pets, but my friend has a pet a turtle and it is old. Yep, it is true the turtle talked to me the other day, for real guys it told me that it is of Jewish faith. I was shocked and did not know if the turtle is Jewish form her mom's side or some other way. But my concern was about how hard it is to get Kosher Jewish food for the turtle. Where do you go to get this food? Or do you special order it from New York?

Did you know that nowadays they have energy drinks for your dogs? I am sorry are you expecting more of our pets these days? Why would a pet need a boast? "Hmmm, spiky does not seem to be excited about fetching the ball" she needs an energy drink. Lady, if you make me do something 10 thousand times a day, I would be sick and I swear might just bite you.

I was on the metro bus the other day and this lady was wearing a nice nickels, I was standing and she was sitting (not my choice, there were no available seats) Her nickels looks shinny and caught my attention, and I started trying to read it and the writing was so fine, but as I was zooming in to read what the writing in the nickels, I was caught and she gave me "You are a pervert" dirty look but it was not what she was thinking. I looked like a Jacka**, why would they do this to me. I blame both the company that made the nickels and my curiosity, now I know better.

Earlier on a different bus, at 8 AM leaving Silver Spring in MD from where I live, heading to the station, this nice gentleman stands in the Middle of the bus and starts preaching "I want you to know that Jesus lives" "And he loves you and will be back" people were looking away from him then he added "I am not going to talk religion today" I said "really?" he kept repeating himself and saying the same things over and over, till the bus driver yelled at him. Yes, it is true it happened with me here and it was not even Utah. I thought I left all these things behind me as I left, but apparently Utah decided to follow me here.

Start routine as people cheering/applauding (I hope they do) thank you thank you, now where were you guys when I went to see my dentist? Or when I was in that car accident with a jerk.v See it is either that nice guys never hit your car or all drivers are jerks.

Have you guys ever thought about how close religion and great food are related? The more religion a person has, the better these culinary skills get. Best food in America is in the Bible belt, yep Southern cooking baby. Utah has great food (for America) Canada has no religious characteristics and they got nothing to mention in terms of food. Now, best food is either Italian (Catholic) Indian (Hindu) Pakistan (Islam) Lebanon (Heinz 47) Brazil Barbecue (Largest Catholic Country) Morocco (Islam) Thai (Buddhist Traditions) See it makes sense why fat people are religious people. I lived in Utah for a long time and Church food (pot lucks and so are great) China does have great food, but no specific religion comes to mind, but there is long history and tradition there (General Tsao Chicken is AWESOME)

Yeah folks what is the big deal with camera phone? Now everyone has them and worse yet they think that they are George Lucas on a quest. Everyone is clicking here and there taking pictures. So I was walked in DC, the nation's capital the other day, and this dude was taking a picture of a statue for George Washington...why would they do such thing? I mean it is not like George Washington will be calling anytime soon. "Yeah, who is calling me at this hour?" "Oh, my it is George Washington calling" "I will jus called them after 9" Stop please.

So, I hear Osama Bin Ladin likes Whitney Houston...yep; it is true he does a big fan actually. Here is an idea how to catch him, send Whitney in a tour to Afghanistan. Yep, that might get him out in the air, and what is the worst thing that could happen? She gets killed! What that's fine...she will be taking one for the team. She will be a Martyr, and she will get some virgin boys in heaven. I know this might be a sad for some crack dealers, but that would make Bobby Brown.

I am not a big fan of sports, not really and there is nothing wrong with me. I think is cool here that some companies sponsor teams to get some attention and promotion for various products drinks cereal, deodorant, chips...etc. But you know some of the teams do really bad and suck big time that I start feeling bad for the teams and for the sponsors whose products are not selling. So, I think what these sponsors can do is start paying these sucky teams to wear or consume the competitors products. For example, if Addidas has a contract with the Red Sox and sox are doing badly, Addidas could pay the Sox to wear Nike! And by showing that Nike sucks with the Sox then Addidas is the choice. Same thing with PowerAde and Gatorade

So, I was in DC the other day for my dentist appointments and I was waiting in the lobby till my time to meet the dentist and as I was watching things and people go by, I noticed the elevator makes noises and greets people. "Welcome to the building, Thanks for visiting with us today" I thought it was strange, but not crazy. After all America is the land of innovation or it is Bombay? So the funny thing is I saw this Chinese dude walk into the elevator and the voice roars "Welcome, We do not have any driving schools in this building" I was like what the heck? this must be a joke or something. I honestly did not want to try this elevator fearing it would offend me, so I took the elevator, the dentist was located at the ninth floor so it was not all that bad. So I so my dentist and i was under so much pain leaving her office, I did not think about it and hit the elevator button. The elevator showed up briefly and I got in and as the pain increases the elevator shoots "Al Salmo Alykom brother...Death to America!" Dang, I am not even joking and I did not see Ashton Kutcher to indicate that this was a joke.

Couple of days later, I went to the Rite Aid store to buy my weight loss supplement for my friend--no for me. So the kind I use ran out and they stopped producing it, I guess some lawyer got rich or something. I was so mad that they did not have my weight loss product--did I saw mine it is for a friend. I was mad enough that I purchased a Texas donut. Yes, I know..I paid for it in cash though. Yep, do not want people checking my record to see that I bought a donut. Ten years from now when I am telling my kids "Eat healthy" they could blackmails me you know. "Daddy loves donuts"