Friday, October 29, 2010

Get an Arab Guy in 9 Steps

In response to Sana’s 6 Ways to Really Get an Arab Guy

Ladies, there is plenty of time to do what you want to do and have it your way, but that’s once you are married when you can show your teeth and say it as it’s. But before then in the courtship period, her are few steps to help you navigate the mind of your Arab man…safely.

  1. Be of a legal age. the legal age is determined by two factors where the State sets the minimum and his mother to set the maximum.
  2. Have a really long hair. However, eyes with the color of money is also exotic and can boasts your dowry by 20%. Also know your basic kitchen skills and essential spices. No, you do not have to cook, just be in the know. Just know what ginger/garlic paste is and he’ll be woo’d.
  3. Be able to tell sports apart and the names of at least three famous players and their teams in each sport.
  4. Hate on Facebook, describing it as a complete waste of time.. This earns you credits as a conservative girl with very few virtual friends, making you traditional.
  5. Make sure you’re tall enough. Not tall enough to see his increasingly visible bald-spot, but tall enough to have your weight evenly distributed to all the right areas because Arab men and their mothers, much like Hollywood and our general American media, find the existence of women who don’t wear a size 2 completely blasphemous.
  6. Do not diss female pop stars such as Haifa Wehbe or Lady Gaga, it’s just a lose-lose situation and a completely needless risk. But don’t try to look like them. Ever.
  7. Be smart but not too smart to turn off his aunts who are all high school dropout and do have a college degree in majors that his grandma can easily understand and a career that is family friendly. Dance majors need not apply.
  8. Care, but not too much. His actions and behavior are not really a true reflection on you as a woman and a future mate.
  9. Don’t be a divorcee! Life isn’t fair, I know. The Shaikh will take you in as a second/third wife and he will give you a baby of your own or let’s hope you have an American passport. When it comes to Arabic marriages, Eminem rythmed about it “Success is your only (MotherF*&#ing) option.”

Bonus Wear Red shoes and come up with some bullshit story about the dress you are wearing and how your grandmother gave it to you on her death bed.

If this seems like an impossible list, that’s because it is. I know the truth hurts but you need to get over it and examine your options.

[Tarboush Tip: Sana and Muftah]




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