15 Arab Mind Readers Know All

By Hanitizer

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When you like to travel to random places in America, taking the Greyhound, the Chinatown bus, or the Amtrak, you get to meet a lot of characters that you wouldn’t meet otherwise. Also when you taught Arabic in the States for few years, and went to a school in the middle of nowhere, you definitely have a chance to be the first Arab, people meet. Here are few reactions and thoughts I have came to draw from watching people’s faces as I drop “I am Arab” or “Arabic is my native language” bomb. Those are by no mean exclusive, as always feel free to add yours in the comment section.

1. I suppose I could pick up few buzzwords that will make me sound intellectual on my next date. Wait until I tell my friends about this!

2. My parents will be so proud, I know people we see on TV a lot. Come to think of it, this Ahmad guy looks dangerously familiar– did I see him on an Al-Qaeda video?

3. C’mon now, just tell me where the best kabob and falafel joints are in the city.

4. His name is really hard to pronounce, but that doesn’t matter, I am calling ICE first thing in the morning. I hope this encounter won’t reflect badly on my security clearance… Let’s hope he/she does not ask me what I do for a living.

5. Bro, this dude is overdressed and totally smells like lahma. Somebody please call PETA.

6. Wow, his English is pretty good–not like the guys from “True Lies.”

7. Arabs like chips and salsa? Well, I’d better get some before it’s too late. At last, someone who won’t steal my pepperoni pizza.

8. And they tell me, I have a five o’clock shadow. Ahmad will be a strong contender if Gillette ever needed replacement for Tiger.

9. I presume an infidel like myself got zero chance with a hot Arab chick like yourself. Should I offer her a drink? I don’t wanna insult the lady.

10. I wonder if he is Sunni or Shiite. Hey, I am just curious. I bet he thinks I’m a whore because my hair is showing.

11. I was not aware I invited the Al-Jazeera English cast to my party. Did she say she is doing a PhD, and she is only 22? F my life.

12. You know, coming in I did not see camel parking…maybe she used a magic rug, I bet her rug is nice.

13. Is that a detonator hanging from his pants or is that just his zipper? Note to self: stop staring at people’s penises.

14. G-d I hope he doesn’t find out I’m Jewish.

15. No wonder we couldn’t get a cab, there are all here for the party! “Honey, we got a ride, this Mahmooud fella has a cab, he will drive us home.”

P.S. What are those green seeds in his teeth?

[Tarboush Tip: Lyndsay, Kellee, Clay, Programmer Buydatti, Will, Fox News]