Ray Hanania Adopts Jackasses

By Hanitizer

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Ray Hanania, a Palestinian-American comedian whose funny bone has yet to be verified, recently unveiled plans to adopt a number of jackasses housed in zoos across the nation. His goal is to unite them and form a lobby that is able to adequately represent their rights in the United States. His efforts are being supported by the World Wildlife Fund (WWF).

Hanania, the WWF-appointed spokesperson and mascot of the movement, stated: “Jackasses, like me, are a dying breed. All my life I’ve worked hard to become a world-class jackass, and now – after I’ve made it – we’re almost extinct. Worst of all, no one seems to care. Not even Al Gore is paying attention!”

He continued, “I won’t rest until I revive the species. I’m as passionate about being a jackass as Angelina Jolie is about adopting third-world babies!”

Carter Roberts, president of the WWF, explained his organization’s support of Hanania’s initiative: “We first approached Governor Rod Blagojevich since he’s a nationally recognized jackass. He declined, but referred us to Mr. Hanania, another Chicago native. After running a thorough background search on him, we decided Ray’s the best guy for the job.”

Still, not everyone is happy about Hanania’s appointment.

Injured Chicago Bears player Israel Idonije argued that Hanania’s allegiance should be to his ailing team – not jackasses. “This is a ludicrous idea from a very unfunny man,” said Idonije. “As a resident of Chicago, Ray should be more focused on helping the Bears improve our horrible team performance – not jackasses!”

Hanania, however, dismissed the criticism. “Look, I would love to help,” he said. “But I’d rather stick to things I know a lot about.”

[Tarboush Tip: Programmer Buydatti]