Sunday, September 25, 2011

How Rage Will Save Your Marriage




When I first got married, I thought to myself, I will always be cool and be in control. In my mind that means to control my anger and emotion--be cool under pressure. That's how I lived most of my life and it seemed to work out well. Getting angry never solve much and in fact it could make things worse and aggravate the situation.

I am here to confess, I was wrong. I think sometimes your spouse sees your lack of anger and rage is negative--he doesn't care enough to get upset by whatever it's bothering me. Or worse, you might be accused of not being good at showing your emotion. So I now realize, that if the situation calls for anger, I do not shy away from it, I show my anger and that communicates something about me that puts my spouse at ease.

I found it helpful to me in many circumstances when I show my anger, I end the debate and take control of the matter being discused--whether it's the land lady not replacing the fridge or the wedding photographer who ruined out pictures. Being calm doesn't give the impression that you are serious. Rage seems to be taking more seriously that the other person's concerts really do matter to you enough to make you feel angry.

The rage I am referring to you is not where you hurt other people emotionally or physically. It's the kind of person that tackles the issue not the person. The rage that sent droves of people to give Obama the presidency, and the same rage that take it away form him.

It might be something particular to my household, but something tells me, I am not alone.

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