Friday, October 21, 2011

12 Must Haves for Hipsters

Hipsters are having the time of their lives this year, from the streets of Cairo, the Suburbs of Tunisia, the Squares of Madrid to Occupy Wall Street protestors. It seems the world is having a hipster outbreak of great proportions. It seems to me that hipsters of the world have more than rage at bankers and politicians in common:

  1. A French Press, that's right, hipsters think they will save the world one French Press at a time. Fair Trade Coffee, if you have the French Press, you would need the coffee, here is where the fair trade people come in to sell you a feel good coffee, where you can brag about how awesome you are, thinking about those poor farmers. Making your own coffee sort of earns you the right to condemn "Corporate culture."
  2. Organic Tea and Pabst Blue ribbon bear-- not together. Hipsters might not be big on coffee that's where this comes in. Hipsters spend big bucks on their boutique tea with exotic flavors. Tea infuser is another devise hipsters flaunt in their kitchens.
  3. Skinny Jeans seems to be the national uniform of hipsters wherever you go. Nothing screams louder that you are a hipster as much as those skinny jeans. Go ahead and tell me how much you paid for them, no I won't be surprised. Messenger bags that come with a really long story.
  4. Slow food, organic food and farmers market, just a reminder that hipsters are hated by everyone including themselves. Anything labeled and marketed as made in small batches. Now, we are like to eat healthy, but we like to do it on our own terms. A farmers market brings out all those hidden hipsters in your town, like that little honey that brings in the bear. Next time you want to brag about your involvement with community sustained farming, make sure I give a damn. Grass fed beef sounds nice, I have to admit.
  5. Your reusable shopping bag just makes me want to throw up.
  6. Fixie bike and start acting like some kind of the chosen one as if God gave you this lane. They expect the world to be peaceful, try and cut them and unleash some "peace."
  7. Your collection of independent movies is kind of nice until you open your mouth and start making political statements, I lose interest in both your movies and your naturally low IQ.
  8. What the hell is an Earth friendly sole? How dare you speak on the behalf of the entire earth? It's good to know that you bought a pair of Tom's shoes so that a kid in Africa can have shoes too, but why do you need to announce it to the world?
  9. The whole T-shirt, ribbons, and wrist bands activism is getting old, no one cares about what worthy cause you support now. And do not think of sending me a Facebook invite to join a cause either.
  10. Fair trade diamonds. It's great that you saw that Leonardo DiCaprio movie about diamonds, but do not drive your spouse insane about your unreasonable demands. But now to think about it, if you found someone who would marry you with all your creepy activism, they deserve you. Thanks goodness, most hipsters are too poor to purchase diamonds.
  11. A subscription to Netflix with at least 4 documentaries in your queue, a Hulu subscription where you catch the latest episode of your all-time favorite show Modern Family/Mad Men since you are too broke to have a cable.
  12. Vintage photos and pictures of some old ethnic guy smoking a hookah, a pipe or drinking that south American mate.

Bonus underground music made by people wearing skinny jeans and look like they don't care.

Thrift Shops, if you build them, they will come.

Hat Tip: Joseph Abushawish




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