9 Sure Things You Find in the AARP Magazine

At my work gym, I needed something to read as I exercise on the bike. Since I have forgotten to bring a book with me, I did what every reasonable man would do, look in the trash pin, and there it was the AARP magazine with Michael Douglas gracing its cover. I gave it a read and I was surprised by its quality, here are few sure things you can bet that will be included in every AARP publication.

1. A truck load of medication advertisements, many pills, tablets and prescriptions to ask your doctor about. I get it, you need your knees and your brains functioning, but why do old people need weight loss medications? Doesn’t age make you lose weight? And doesn’t being poor mean you eat less?
2. The Writers love to talk crap about young people, belittle them every chance the magazine editors can find. They are distracted, disrespectful, neglectful, arrogant. Yes, many of those jabs are warranted, but no need to make others feel like a turd, in order to uplift your own spirit. The young people are only a snapshot of yourself as a younger age. No need to invoking the good old days helps you recount your tales.
3. Some reference to Clint Eastwood and his awesome movies. Yes, I suppose he is a good role model for older folks to say “I want to be like him when I grow up”. But aren't there other alpha senior citizens? Or is he the exception that proofs the rule. Clint, please do not make the under accomplished senior citizens feel bad about their wasted lives.
4. Discounts on dental work and dentures. I know that 9.7% of seniors officially live in poverty, but that’s won’t stop grandpa from smiling at the thanksgiving dinner table. Remember, getting dental work done is not too hard, but figuring out how Medicare can pay for it, is an uphill battle
5. A colorful advertisement for some easy to use phone—big keys and not too many complicated keys and functions. The same goes for devices to use in the event of a medical emergency. Oh, the lengths some old people go to bring back the good old days.
6. Some BS comprehensive bogus study and ranking for best states with Home-Based care let me guess Florida wins again. Studies about supermarket money-saving strategies to further stretch that poor dollar
7. A Bank that promises grandpa an income protection for retirement. There is nothing will get grandpa to use his easy to use phone like an ad for a bank. Because let's face it, you know the social security has many insecurities of its own. BTW, what is the difference between IRA and Roth IRA? I can wait when it is too late to find out.
8. Cheap vacations, great hikes and the national parks. Monthly Travel tips this month is to take the bus in your next trip, it's a lot cheaper than flaying. Sure I agree, but make sure you sit in the back of the bus--the bladder is a funny business. Also let’s face it you hate to be stuck in a lane behind grandpa.
9. 81 reasons why Roddy Murphy is on an 81 mg aspirin regiment. BORING

Are you thinking what I am thinking, yep here is the phone number (they have a website!) to get your AARP magazine subscription (www.aarpmagazine.org)