75 Percent Off

I live few blocks from a Target store, and every Christmas they bring all the fixings for this holiday...of course people who celebrate Christmas buy those lights, tress, and Christmas branded chocolates and other goods.

Two days after Christmas, their 75 percent off clearance signs come out and you star seeing the agnostics, atheists, Jews and the Hijab wearing Muslim ladies line up on those racks to pick those heavily discounted merchandise. Of course, I buy as much Christmas branded dark chocolate as possible. So at 75% off, you can get those who do not traditionally observe Christmas to celebrate it. This is America man....

We all love this holiday, everyone sees the Christmas spirit, some pay 100 percent for the experience others pay only 20% of face value. Some celebrate it on the 25th of December, I celebrate it too...two days later

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Naughty Boy Assange

On Christmas day....

WikiLeaks Julian Assange Signs $1.3 Million Book Deal

Sure the US thinks he is the devil, but evidently, Santa Clause thought he is a good boy...at least good enough to get a cool 1.3 millions.

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Stories, I Won't Share

So you heard the jokes about how women like to shop, they do. But the thing is, Roa is a bit more creative about her love for shopping. Here is how it goes, "Hani, we need to buy you new shirts and slacks." So we go to the mall and pick shirts and slacks...for HER.

I am the guy who likes to be on time for all his commitments and appointments, I can be ready for anything in ten minutes. Roa on the other hand takes 40 minutes; 10 minutes to be read and 30 minutes the time it takes me to convince her she really looks good and thus ready.

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Santa and Bin Ladin — Lots in Common

By Hanitizer

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I never thought about Santa Claus having so much in common with the world’s number one terrorist. After all, there was news of some wannabe terrorist wanting to blow up a Christmas tree. But it only took me a few minutes to come up with a list of things those two figures have in common. So in the Spirit of Christmas and increased terrorist activities, I present this list of commonalities.

1. They both appeal to the young ones and promise to reward them with things if they cooperate, or punish them if they do not.
2. The both appear at a special time of the year and make their presence known.
3. Some people go to great lengths to take their pictures.
4. Some people debate their existence.
5. The scope of their work and its effectiveness is debated.
6. Some people take them to be religious figures.
7. They both indulge in guilty pleasures: cookies for Santa and Whitney Houston for Osama.
8. They are both operate in the dark when you are asleep.
9. They live faraway in a place we never even knew existed.
10. They both star in publications, including movies, music posters, and books.
11. They have a loyal army of workers who are as committed and dedicated as they are, blindly supported and rarely questioned.
12. Both tracked by NORAD.
13. Some countries ban their image.
14. They both sport beards.
15. They both ship packages.
16. They both have blacklists.
17. Both figures are used by superior powers to achieve a higher agenda.
18. They both wear head gear.
19. Both are associated with flying objects and flying into buildings.
20. Controversial endorsement, some think neither should appear on merchandise.
21. They both have established global franchises and both outsource.
22. They both have mysterious sources of funding and operation. No one ever audits their books.

[Tarboush Tip: Kellee K, and Suneela Mubayi]

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an ER Breakup Gone Bad

Last week I went to the ER in the Washington Hospital Center, I was later told I was dehydrated and may have vertigo. Aside from that, at the Emergency Room (ER), there was this late 20s white guy who was brought in by the ambulance, not sure what his problem was but he annoyed the heck out of me.

He was on his stretcher, and on his cell phone the entire time talking in a very loud fashion. It was so annoying to me that it seemed he was speaking into my ear. That's not the worst part....

He was on the phone with his girlfriend, and he was very abusive to her...F this F that...Hell this hell that....It was really mad time....it seems that his girlfriend was bothered by his verbal abuses and it was not hard to see why. He annoyed me with his language and I do not even know him. Then he got into "If you are not going to be there for me, when I am in the ER, then ...etc."

"I am the way I am, I talk like that...I say Sh*&, Fuc& all the time and it's not directed toward you, I just say these thing."

then things got heated as his girl was very broken down with this call, then this dude flips out...and says to the person on the other line, "F You and this is directed toward you!" and then he hangs up.

It was so random and so out of place, ER is not the place to be abusive and breaking up with people...ER should bring people together...but not this guy...I do not know him, but he sounded like royal jerk

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Naturally Skinny Models

You would think with how skinny models and beauty queens are nowadays, more naturally skinny people would enter the business. But you are so wrong. Those skinny models starve themselves to get attention....while the people of Somalia, Central African Republic who are naturally starving--not by choice. They do not hear from any agents or talent managers, unfortunately no one is knocking their door.

It would make sense, instead of having to get training in starving oneself, you only need to hire the naturals. Go Africa. Do it for those poor white skinny girls who have to give up food....please only hire the naturals.

Somewhere in Africa, a kid looks at those models and say, "they pay them to starve themselves?" "I have been doing the same all my life and no one ever paid me anything." Thanks Bono.

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Toilet Humor, when your toilet is too much fun

Have you guys ever gone to a haunted house in your life? I have once before. But now I am beginning to winder if anyone out there has in the history of mankind used a bathroom at a haunted house?
I just need to know if they are able to scare the shit out of you.

I mean a goo start with be to send the constipated dozen and have them test out this theory. This is indeed what they had in mind when they spoke of toilet humor.

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Find That Pork "Earmarks"

DC politicians and newly elected Tea Party love to hate on earmarks where congressmen get funding for a project in their district in exchange for giving their vote for a legislation. This is a standard procedure in Washington DC, that has been also known as pork. Everyone here hates it, even those who ask for pork hate it but they do not know how to stop the politics of pork.

I do not know one idea is if you want to keep your office pork free, one good start is to hire a Muslim, they really know better than anyone one else how to spot the pork and take it off the table. I mean that, most Americans do not know that there's pork in pretty much everything...a good devout Muslims knows his/her way around a world full or pork. So if you want to kill the pork here in DC, look for an Ahmad and give him a job.

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Letter From a Flood Victim

Since the comedy show was to benefit the people of Pakistan and the flood victims in that country. I wanted share a letter from one of the victims of the flood with the audience of the comedy show to give an idea of the size of the tragedy:

We are under attack, we do not know where to go, or who to blame, everything leaks here, no one can stop the flood and the leaks are everywhere, it gets worse and it gets ugly. no one helps us and lives are in danger

--Signed by Hillary Clinton State Department

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Jokes for Pakistan

I had a comedy performance last night, it was only my second time being the MC for a comedy show and I think it went B+. We had a wonderful line up of different comedians, Said Al Durrah, Jeff Mauer, And Sugar Sammy, I had to introduce every comedian and make sure the audience is pumped up for them before they get on the stage....all was fine and not hard to do as I am good as hustling rounds of applauses from people. The trouble started when I had to read the blurs to introduce the comedians in a very dark spot as the lights were dim...so I messed up couple of lines here and there.

We had close to 200 people in attendance and my jokes went well, as part of being MC is you get to warm up the crowd with your own jokes and get them excited for the lineup....most people there were working professional and few students in here and there. I was really impressed, some guy under 30 teaches economics at Georgetown....i was really blown away. Lots of good looking people of course. 60 percent of the audience were from Pakistan, 20 percent from India, and the rest are either Arabs or Americans. It felt good to take part of a fundraiser event for something other than Palestine. And the Comedians were a treat...Said did his bit about Palestine and dating, it spoke volumes to the people in there....Jeff did a lot of things about computer support, dating and music taste...Sugar Sammy did a lot about India Pakistan and dating, he was a highlight and very nice guy....picked on everyone including Roa...but pretty much everyone enjoyed his set and his style. The funny thing was that he landed 30 minutes after the show has started and he brought along with him the pilot and the co pilots to the show.

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Wine Lovers Snazzy Lingo

Have you guys noticed the fancy and obnoxious words reviewers and food critics use to review wine? They even have online reference books and dictionaries for words used to describe wine and its taste. I find it the fancier the word to describe a wine, the less effective it will be.

I do not know you sound awfully too sober to be coming up with those kind of words. So you know the alcohol is not doing its job. What the heck words like Sulphury and Vigorous? Earthy? Anyone? are they talking about your ex?

Yeah, if by earthy they mean once you drink it your face will be attached to floor you are buying this wine.

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Julian Assange and his Many Leaks

I have been thinking, if you are an extremist in any thing you do, politics, life, food, movies whatever....it would be really hard to accuse you of being a hypocrite. It's easier to label those who seek the middle or seek a compromise of being hypnotics. One thing purist and extremists have in common is that they are true to what they believe, they do not fudge. Look at Europe for example, they were all about Free Speech and you can argue they had the freest society, up until they started rightfully to exclude questioning or denial of the holocaust. They compromised, now what do you get? the Muslims in Europe were not amused when Europe refused to condemn the prophet Muhammad cartoons. They can rightfully argue the principle of the utility of the freedom of speech. Had the Europeans not compromised and limited freedom of speech, it would be hard to criticize them.

now here me out, here is what I am trying to get at from Raw Story:

On the same day that British authorities arrested WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange on an Interpol warrant, the US State Department announced it would be hosting the United Nation's "World Press Freedom Day" next year

See now many can say the US state Department is being hypocrites with their behavior, in one hand they want to contain the freedom of speech in the case of the leaks. And on the other they boast around the world (mostly to third world countries) about how awesome the press in America and how free they are (which is true ) I know those are different things, but had the US sicked to the purist approach and took their freedom of speech protection far, they would not come across as speaking from both sides of their mouths. i know the US believes in freedom of the press, I see it everyday. But to the outside, it would look really bad, becasue once is too many times. you either stand for freedom of expression, or you do not. No buts and not ifs.....that's how you disarm your opponents. Now repressive regimes will point to this Wikileak incident and tell their people, "See they do not like freedom of Speech" and that will endanger US allies who have been using the West and the US as an explain of how to do things. Those allies have enough challenges, they do not need to defend the US' stand on Freedom of expression, that's not their fight.

Often when a repressive regime does not like some figure and they want to discredit them and eliminate their threat. They would accuse them with a moral (often sex) crimes to drive a rift between them and the common man by doing this character assassination (I remember a couple of cases that took places), if not then intimidate those unwanted figures, and if all fails send them to jail. I cannot help but notice that this case of the Wikileak founder, the West actually learned something from dictators instead of teaching them how to do something, the West is borrowing a page from the undemocratic regimes text book. It does not matter what I know, what matters is how things look from the outside to the rest of the World. It does not look good people. While many individuals living around the world do not really follow what the leaks are about, (there is little or no earth shattering details) many do not really care about it, but the reaction matters....in this case I think it made it worse.

At least dictators and extremists are rarely accused of hypocrisy when it comes to principles of not having free press.

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Peace to Grandma

So, I woke up today did my morning prayer and i was feeling like listening to some Koran, as I was rebooting my computer, I called my family's home in Gaza to check up on my mom who has not been feeling too well lately (some trouble in her teeth they think). When she did not pick up the phone, i knew she wasn't home, my sister in law picked up the phone and spoke to me.

It turns out that 4 hours prior to my call, my grandpa has just passed away. She is older in mid 80s, she is a bit older than my grandpa. So I am at peace and only hope she passed in peace as i pray for her. My family is now busy with funeral arrangements and receiving people coming to share their condolences. I hope my living grandpa is well take all this in strides. It's a sad day.

Grandma was always nice to me and my siblings becasue my mother and my father have been super sweet to her, my mom took care of her and was the first in daughter in law to live with her and help her with the house chores. Grandma used to have a nick name for me, this nick name was never my favorite, but she the only one that gets away with saying it. Grandma used to have piles of hard candy which he hides in her bosom and she gives to kids to get them to do her favors, she used to sit around the house with a stick to keep the trouble makers away.

Here is the last video I have for my grandparents, you can see her.

Grandma Rifka in Gaza

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My Sink Leaks

My toilet leaks, not sure what is causing this leak, I think the water is all over the place, the lives and health of my neighborer might be in danger as a result of my toilet leak...The building management said they will investigate. In the meanimte I think I am going to execute my plumber.

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Country Music Sells Big

Did you know that country artists sell the most records over any other genera?

My friend Aron Kader, the popular Stand Up comedian thinks this is because people who listen to country music do not have computers to get those songs in other formats...so they go to the grocery store and pick them up instead See it here 2:14. Funny and might be true. But I am now beginning to think this high demand on country music can be attributed to another factor.

Food Stamps, everyone knows that Country music is popular in the South, some of those Southern states are among the poorest in the nation. When you are poor, you qualify for food stamps, you take these and at your local grocery store or big box, you can pick up those CDs and pay for them using your food stamp credit card/checks.

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Arabic Musicians Will sell You

Does it ever strike you that most Arab musicians in America, are part timers? No one can afford to do it full time....but that's not the odd thing....the odd about it is this....those musicians when they are not amusing you with their talents, they are busy making a living....career of choice?

Real Estate! You will find most of those musicians are either doing real estate for living or moonlighting as car dealers. Those are the kind of careers where you have be gifted with words and acting like you are on a stage...and if not, then you can count they have some sort of government job working for the local municipality. At least this is how the dozen I know of Arab musicians do it.

Why cannot they just own a grocery store? or a gas station!

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Money vs. Politics

For some reason I began to think about two unrelated matters...the first is political conditions and the second is economical ones.

Back in Gaza and throughout the Middle East we really monitor political conditions and we feel life is influenced by those conditions...on day to day basis politics touches our lives and one can trace most things to the political conditions in the ground. As far as people in affluent countries that can care less about how things are going in North Korea or the Middle East. As far as the majority of the west is concerned those people where they have conflicts are on the moon.

But in most affluent countries like America, people care about economical conditions, they watch it carefully and understand its lingo and its impact on their lives. So this is pretty much the news followed by everyone because they have the resources and have plenty at stake. To the opposite people in the Middle east could care less about those economical conditions and the financial crisis because as far as they can tell it does not affect their livelihood. In other words you cannot really beat a dead horse...people in unstable countries can get by.

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Crowded Gym This Morning

At the gym in my building today, I was surprised to see droves of people working out, exercising hard, I have never seen this large number before....something tell me this has soemthing to do with Thanksgiving day....

Not sure, but this has a lot to do with eating habits and over indulging on this holiday's spirit! People figures wow....I can now go to the gym and redeem oneself....

for me this si sort of the confessional session where those only;y happen after the fact. Post Thanksgiving day exercise works...and I am sure I will be seeing these folks again on January 1, 2011 once they have made a new year resolution that will stick with them for 13 days.

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Touched by History...and You Can Too

So I have been recently thinking that a 100 year is not distant history.....I began to reflect on this as I watched some interviews I did with my grandpa while in Gaza.

Grandpa was born in the early 1920 and he grew up in Palestine. I was born in the 80s and have lived the stories grandpa told me of our history. Now My grandpa has also known people who lived in the 1800s and he was told his stories and his history as well. Those people who lived in the 1800 have known people who lived in the 1700 and have heard their stories....and there is goes....so notice there is a chain....we pass history to each other...so every and each one of us has been touched by history. In other word I am just realizing that we all are living history and that's why history never dies.

Weird to me, might be insane to you, but to think about history in those terms, it gives me goose bumps....I am sure you know think about the Founding Fathers and if your grandma dated one of them....she might not know it, but she might have known some people who have known them.

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On Thanksgiving

1. Black Friday is the only day where being sleeping in the streets near stores fronts just like homeless folks 365 days of the year is regarded trendy and cool
2. The actual day of Thanksgiving is the day average Americans can feel the same way most of the third world feel 365 days of the year, being loved, feel lazy and watch football all day.
3. Thanksgiving day is they day when we pretend to each other that we have people who care about us.

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TSA Lovers Ready to Pleasure You!

What is up with those TSA agents?

I know these people are hard working and mean well...but to be frank they have lousy results and they have missed many cues. And now in order to save face, they ask people to give away more rights to make us feel secure.

Well, the TSA is withing their right to ask you to walk through fully body scanners, and they are withing their rights to ask to touch your junk....but for me, I am also not going to fly....I am also not going to give my travel business to the airline industry....

I know Craigslist ride share is one of the best features on this site....I have also taken the AMTRAK and I know it's great...but for real as long as the TSA too much from travelers and as long as we cave in....they won't stop....they just strip searched a little boy in Salt Lake City airport (look up the video)

I know the TSA is not the enemy here, terrorists are. But the reaction of the TSA tells me that those cold blooded killers might just have won this round.

It's a shame this is happening in America.... images of asking to touch people junk and paranoia remind me of some militant dictatorships not flourishing living democracies.

Again I salute those who want to keep us safe, but I resent those overreact.

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Vegetarian Muslim Can Also Have the Eid Spirit

I finally figured it out....Vegetarian Muslims now can rejoice, I have figured out the best thing they can kill for the Eid. Muslims kill various animals to remember the story of our father Abraham with his son and the sheep.

Observant vegetarian Muslims won't kill animals of course, but here is something they can do...

Kill a piñata...an animal shaped piñata will do just fine. and instead of the blood and gore, you get candy...kids love it and there is no emotional trauma either. See everyone wins, an animal shaped thing gets sacrificed, we can give out the candy to kids, and the vegetarians get to celebrate the Eid just like us all. A piñata is for sure a much better choice than sacrificing a pumpkin or a batch of Tofu.

I am going to try top get a Fatwa on this subject. Happy Eid

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Six Types of Imams I know

By Hanitizer

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1. The Brown Noser
This preacher is everywhere, but most likely exists in Muslim countries run by a dictatorship. He loves to pray for the “wise” leader, and ask Allah to grant him good health, while the local populace struggle. The brown noser has a cool title and usually wears colorful customs and head gear because sucking up never goes out of style, and it keeps that paycheck coming. The sermons tend to focus on marginal issues like using your right side, not smoking and not watching too much TV. They dare not talk about prices of goods, corruption, lack of good health care for the citizens, etc.

Invite them to: feasts and wedding parties.

2. The Jihad Dude
This guy worries me a great deal. He is all over the place, but he is scariest when he lives in the West and calls for Jihad, using code words to incite young men to feel victimized. Granted the Jihad dude is a minority, and whatever he says will come to haunt him as he applies for a residency in the host country. They are known for sporting colorful outfits and short garbs to give homage to the old ways. There is a chance this dude is just a bait to help identify the militants in the community where he will be a magnet, a snitch of a sort. But I found people who fall into this category. Resurrecting the Islamic Empire seems to be their theme. The Jihad dude likes to talk in detail about how they like their meat slaughtered and investigating Halal food sources. Don’t ever make the mistake to ask this guy for a fatwa on Yoga. He will laugh at you.

Invite them to: circumcision parties, or if you want to have the FBI over

3. The It’s All Good Pro
My favorite kind of preacher. He is cool, hyp, and down with the lingo. He’s got a Facebook account and his sermons make you feel good about yourself. The problem is that as you walk out of the prayer service, you completely forget what was said in the sermon. He is usually a second-generation Muslim with a good education and a happy life. This imam has what seems to be a model Muslim family with his wife and perfect looking kids. You will find him talking about how blessed we are to live in peace. He loves to lament his interfaith efforts and often invites members of other faiths to break bread together. This guy is quick to give you a fatwa on any subject and he tends to be on the easy-going side.

Invite them to: Interfaith functions, college debates

4. The Arabic Translator
This dude is an Arab, and he has a thick accent and bores you with his frequent and often terrible translation from Arabic verses and Early Muslim legacy. He is often apolitical, but occasionally when shit hits the fan in some Muslim country, and he does not disappoint to get involved. He is either a first generation immigrant or a Muslim that happens to be living abroad. The Arabic Translator has a PhD in some scientific field and a likable personality except no one told him, the majority of the people praying do not speak Arabic. The Arabic translator likes to work with new converts and you can spot him enunciating Arabic words to them. Note to self: It’s not Brazar, it’s brother.

Invite them to: Ramadan potlucks, baby showers

5. The Animated African
This preacher is the most animated and energized preacher you will find; master at making you feel like a turd. He often preaches about discrimination and injustice and how we do not care about others. “smile to your brother and sisters”, he tends to find conspiracies in anything, like the time when I was told the penny has the face of Abe Lincoln because it’s the only colored coin. He delivers good funeral sermons as he has a way with words, but not a good idea for any Eid sermon. He does mumble a lot, which makes it hard to make out what he is saying. But do not worry, you will make enough to feel terrible. This imam is an authority on oil based fragrances such as musk, nothing they love more than sharing it with you. Perfect choice to lead the prayer as his voice can be heard without a mic, which he shouldn’t use anyway.

Invite them to: political rallies, and demonstrations in front of the embassy

6. The Political Pundit
You go to your Friday prayer and then comes this guy swinging at you so many political theories to make you think you are on the set on some Aljazeera talk show. You went to become a better person, but this preacher has a knack for talking about politicians, the great Satan, and corrupted Muslim leadership. On the upside, this preacher will be either deported to his home country or jailed/banned by the local regime. This guy does not really call for anything, he just happens to be a news junkie with a microphone, making the Friday sermon a soap box for untested political theories and outlandish accusations. You really learn nothing new at those sermons, and your faith becomes a bit shaky once you leave the prayer service.

Invite them to: The O’Reilly Factor, MSA elections

[Taarboush Tip: Sarakenos]

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Somewhere in Delaware

For the Eid, I headed with Roa to Delaware, the Nation's first state. What a better idea to spend the Eid shopping tax free?

Roa and I did not disappoint as we checked out two malls and it has been a long time since I paid what the price tag said I should buy, no government asking me to subsides their local mostly failing schools.

We got few things as the Macy's, they can look up your membership with your ID, no need to carry around the Macy's credit card. We also spent time at Rainbow, Roa's new favorite store where she picked half a dozen of things she needed. I thought she only liked them, but they really looked good on her.

We also discovered a local J Penny like store where I picked me a pair of slacks and a nice winter coat that was on SALE (no, this one was on real sale)

And that took us about 3 hours....but before we shopped we had a decent meal at this nice Senegalese family's home. How about a whole roasted lamb killed this morning for the Eid? and to complement it some warm Italian bread!

On our way back, we stopped by Big Lots and picked up few things that I needed (roa doe snot ind this store, but I am in love with it since Provo)

I thought Delaware has rather a strange feel to it, as it's neither small town nor it's a huge metropolitan area. The people of Delaware seem to either be looking toward Philadelphia or Maryland....I got this conclusion by checking out the sport wear stores at the Mall.

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The Jerusalem Calendar

I want to make a new year calender for the Holy City of Jerusalem...every month of the 12 months features a picture of Jerusalem, but unlike the countless ones like that...this calender will be different!

With the current Israeli government stealing land from Palestinian sections of the city and turning them into condos, the calender will be a map of Jerusalem....the erasure of the City. Just like my face in the picture.

Every month the city's Palestinian identity shrinks a bit, every month e lose a neighbored, every month the city loses its original native residents.

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Vegetarian Delimma

The Muslim Eid Holiday Season begins on Tuesday...this is Eid Al Adha when Muslims celebrate with good food, prayer, sweets, visitations and sacrifice. In that sense they slaughter animals in the fashion of Ibrahim and the story with his son. Cows, sheep, goats are popular. sometimes they also kill camels, but not very common.

I have always wondered about vegetarian on this day. observant Muslim vegetarians what would they sacrifice?

A pumpkin, I propose? See if love pumpkins and I do not mind of my observant vegetarians Muslims if they are willing to share with me. Not so much on squash...

I guess that would be a problem if Muslim vegetarians exited in real life.

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Postage Terrorists and Chinese Merchants

What do Chinese merchants and wannabe terrorists in Yemen have in common?

They are both sending you stuff that you do not need. And if you count the tainted Chinese milk and the toxic paint, they are both trying to kill you.

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InHanity

I am always surprised by how good Neo Nazis and racists are at telling pure from impure....one look at you and they can tell how "pure" you really are. I know most of us think of these guys as unemployed people with little to do.

But I think those Nazis should start a drinking water business. After all we are all after some pure drinking water and you never know who to trust.

I would trust them to keep my water pure...of course when I place an order of pure with these guys, I would change my name to Hal Madden

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Packs of Straight Dudes

I saw 4 guys getting out of a cab tonight in the 18 street, they are all dudes trying to get some chicks from those upscale bars and eateries on 18th st. I mean these guys were well dressed, and ready to party and roll to impress the intoxicated ladies.

This made me wonder, why is it that heterosexual men tend to hang out in packs when they are about to mate?

I mean, you never never see a bunch of gay men walking down the street trying to hunt some dudes for a date? I live not too far from DC's Dupont Circle area and never see packs of gay men walking around.

You really not going to see that...gay men tend to be lone wolves smooth and slick in their dating rituals....they do not need packs. Or could it be that if they could assemble a pack, that would also serve as their dating pool. But it does not make any sense because the straight dudes form packs even though they have competing interests.

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Red Bull And Those Darn Wings

Remember Red Bull?

the world's first a major and most famous energy drink that gives you a jolt of energy?

how come we have yet to hear a politician asking to ban Muslims from consuming this beverage?

the drink that is marketed as "Redbull: gives You Wing" Those who consume this energy drink tend to be younger.

Why would a young Muslim man do with wings? Wings make you fly....what Business do Muslims have in flying in our nation skies? At least you can ask Muslims to show their IDs when they purchase a can.

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No Package List

I used to only get intimidated at airports around the world....it looks like now, I have to also be intimated at post officer and other parcel shipping companies.

Today it hit me as I was in the post office sending a package to Florida, that I can no longer smirk when the clerk asks me if I had packed hazardous material in it. It really happened and I cannot take it lightly. Otherwise, I might get banned from sending packages...something to replicate the no fly list----but no package list. Yes, that's becasue the UPS plane plot....

The Arabs now will be geting back to the days of the Carvan mules and camels to transport goods!

An Arab Muslim sitting around flightless and package-less is terrible. You can take my flight away, but please leave me with my package.

UPS used to use the line, "What Can the Brown Do for You" brown is also the color of those who sent the packages. Irony So "what Can this brown do for you, UPS?"

BTW, I hate Yemen

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Schmoozing @ the Wrong Place

I was at some DC gala here few months ago and they had all types of politicians, diplomats, and you know your average DC faces.

I ran into the Israeli Ambassador here in DC, and you know you could go up ans talk to them as they are schmoozing other gala attendees. The guy was talking about how cool Israel is and how their army does no worn. I approached the diplomat and asked him, "Mr. Ambassador, do you ever think Israel would ever agree to a Palestinians a state?"

He looked at me and said something I thought compelling, "I am Ray Hanania!"

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Kill Those Romantic Movies

What guy do you know enjoy romantic movies? Even those who like romantic movies know they are doing something questionable.

You would never have half of those romance movies if people avoid those two fatal mistakes:

1. Never plan a surprise party for anybody yet along a loved one. it always ends in disaster and you ruin anything good.
2. Never interrupt a couple who are having a conversation, if you do the guy will not finish his sentence and the girl will become the one that got away. Plus, it is kind of rude to butt in people's conversations.

End of story.....we just killed the career of a dozen Hollywood actors and actresses. Sorry about that, but look at the bright side now, you have a lot more time to do things you really liked, things like coke.

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Now With Jokes

Do not you hate when you get a new product and it says right there on it in bold lines, "NOW With Zantrate", "Now with Sorbitol", "Now with added [fill in the blank]" And you have no idea, absolutely no idea what it,s the company here is bragging about....but somehow you feel it is an upgrade!

Next time, you body lotion will read, "NOW with Hummus", "Now with Tahini, Seaweed"....and I am sure people will pick it up and buy it.....We are just suckers for added new stuff as long as they brag about it...we conclude it must be good for us.

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My Political Halloween

As it turns out, Halloween in DC is a lot spookier when there is a Republican administration in the White House.

But to their credit, Republicans serve better candy and treats, none of those spongy, bland tasting healthy candy Democrats love.

Yes, Democrats serve better tricks! OK, Democrats are lot more creative when it comes to elaborate customs.

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Get an Arab Guy in 9 Steps

By Hanitizer

7Share

In response to Sana’s 6 Ways to Really Get an Arab Guy

Ladies, there is plenty of time to do what you want to do and have it your way, but that’s once you are married when you can show your teeth and say it as it’s. But before then in the courtship period, her are few steps to help you navigate the mind of your Arab man…safely.

1. Be of a legal age. the legal age is determined by two factors where the State sets the minimum and his mother to set the maximum.
2. Have a really long hair. However, eyes with the color of money is also exotic and can boasts your dowry by 20%. Also know your basic kitchen skills and essential spices. No, you do not have to cook, just be in the know. Just know what ginger/garlic paste is and he’ll be woo’d.
3. Be able to tell sports apart and the names of at least three famous players and their teams in each sport.
4. Hate on Facebook, describing it as a complete waste of time.. This earns you credits as a conservative girl with very few virtual friends, making you traditional.
5. Make sure you’re tall enough. Not tall enough to see his increasingly visible bald-spot, but tall enough to have your weight evenly distributed to all the right areas because Arab men and their mothers, much like Hollywood and our general American media, find the existence of women who don’t wear a size 2 completely blasphemous.
6. Do not diss female pop stars such as Haifa Wehbe or Lady Gaga, it’s just a lose-lose situation and a completely needless risk. But don’t try to look like them. Ever.
7. Be smart but not too smart to turn off his aunts who are all high school dropout and do have a college degree in majors that his grandma can easily understand and a career that is family friendly. Dance majors need not apply.
8. Care, but not too much. His actions and behavior are not really a true reflection on you as a woman and a future mate.
9. Don’t be a divorcee! Life isn’t fair, I know. The Shaikh will take you in as a second/third wife and he will give you a baby of your own or let’s hope you have an American passport. When it comes to Arabic marriages, Eminem rythmed about it “Success is your only (MotherF*&#ing) option.”

Bonus Wear Red shoes and come up with some bullshit story about the dress you are wearing and how your grandmother gave it to you on her death bed.

If this seems like an impossible list, that’s because it is. I know the truth hurts but you need to get over it and examine your options.

[Tarboush Tip: Sana and Muftah]

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Smartphone Nation

Smart phones, but stupid people!

Everyday there is news about a new smartphone by this company and that. I swear everyday someone introduced a new smartphone.

Dude, get this....your smart phone is only as smart as you are. It won't compensate for your lack of intelligence.

I hope to just skip over this smartphone period of America's history.

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7 Arab Facebook “friends” to Lose

By Hanitizer

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You will disagree with me, but if diplomacy is the continuation of war by other means, then Facebook is the continuation of narcissism. It might as well be the largest waste of time in existence where you are to take a million pictures of yourself or anything and post them on your Facebook. And then comes those annoying notifications commenting on my comment. But I get it, it makes it easier to get in touch with people, connect with old friends, upload dozens of pictures, and do so much more. In the meantime here are 7 types of Arab Facebook friends you might want to lose.

1- The Sheikh,
This person does not believe in pictures, so his profile picture is something of either the dome of the rock, Mecca, or some religious test in nice calligraphy. He always has quotes from religious texts and stories of early Muslims. He/she often comments on your pictures with language that has double meanings, but mostly he/she disapprove of your lifestyle, like the picture of you smoking a hookah. Insists on using religious Arabic phrases in all occasions. He does not belong to any causes or anything political, just pure religion. Heck, they might even use the Muslim lunar calender for kicks. Most people put this person on limited access so they are not in the know. It’s good when there is an ongoing war as they can spread a word of prayer. The Sheikh is the only one in your Facebook friends that won’t wish you a happy birthday because it is Haram. Favorite useless Facebook application: SuperPoke.

2- The Gossip Hub,
Did you see their pictures in Ramallah? I cannot believe she would wear that. That’s how it starts, and next thing you are bashing your cousins and friends. You will later find out that the gossip hub memorized every negative word you said and passed it on to further advance their agenda. Since the gossip hub has an appetite for details, their profile picture is most likely a portrait. Gossip is not a new business, but the social media makes it so easy and so hard to resist as more people allow you to peak into their private lives. Their power comes from having too much time and easy access to unassuming “friends”. Thanks to the new group feature, you can keep them in the dark. Hey, Gawker is hiring. The gossip hub expects the entire world to acknowledge their birthday like it’s a national holiday or something. Can we please stop it with the poking? Why are you poking me every five minutes? You’re now getting on my nerves. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Food Fight”.

3- The “I need a Spouse”
This guy changes his profile picture every five seconds and he is the first to comment on your status update and photos. Maybe he needs a job and not a spouse as no one in their sane mind will put up with their addiction to the Internet. They love to overshare, and often do more damage to themselves than good: I do not need to know the burrito you had for lunch was your one way ticket to the bathroom. No, we do not have an inside joke. Girls also qualify under this group, but they are smarter, they know everything, but they rarely engage in commentary out of fear being perceived as overexposed. She will constantly whine about being stalked and she is not a stranger to tongue typos. Maybe the guy and the girl in this category should change their status to “in a relationship” instead of “it’s complicated” which is a rather accurate description of their mental status. But not to sweat it, you are in the right place, this is a place where desperate people share a bunch of pointless info about their lives. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Fortune Cookie”.

4- The News Junkie,
The Provoker, this person does not even have any friends in real life, but somehow he/she has 2000 virtual friends as they view it as an online popularity contest. Since the News junkie knows better than to post scandalous photos, avoids scandals their profile picture is fare and away style. They are also good as they update you on world news that you care about, I swear they beat the Huffington Post to the story. Aside from political stuff, they can be a good authority on Facebook sweet deals and promotional coupons. They are unafraid to get in pissing matches over analysis of news and their ill-informed opinion. They can be the activist kind which means they push you to add Code Pink as a friend. They have started more groups than Donald Trump has suites. Most likely to commit a Facebook abortion when they say something deeply controversial promoting a wave of de-friending. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “X-Me”.

5- The Editor,
The word you meant to use is “effect” not “affect”. Your love of Facebook is unconditional as only lonely and awkward losers such as yourself can pretend to have a life. They are under-educated and out to prove themselves, or they are too old to understand the various online acronyms. The Up Close and Impersonal is their style of profile picture as they always get up in your face. The editor will have swollen fingers or worse, they may have carpel tunnel syndrome. WTF! The universe works in mysterious ways. I guess Facebook is pretty rad, until you learn the majority of your “Friends” won’t write on your wall, or comment on your photos. In fact, most of your acquaintances have Facebook Alzheimer’s when it comes to remembering you from real life. You will respond to their negligence by viewing their photos and commenting on them just to be a buzz kill. Facebook is like Harley Davidson, it makes life more interesting and it gives the the illusion of fun, nothing wrong with little lies. Next time do not poke me, and if you do I have a Punch Me application and you are on top of my list. Favorite useless Facebook application is: “Are You Interested???”

6- The Baby Maker,
“Is the baby on your Facebook profile number 1 or number 2?” People here think they are too mature to post their real pictures so they try to make themselves look cool by belonging to some random inside joke groups proclaiming how they hate Starbucks or how they are part of Team Coco. Which is very appropriate as Coco is the universal word for crazy. They do not care for privacy as in real life they have too much of it. The drama comes when they post a new quote they just uttered thinking it’s funny only to be shamed into taking it out because it’s sexist, racists or homophobic. Why are you letting your kids eat that junk food and updating your status instead? And God forbid you ask them for a picture of their new born baby, “it’s on Facebook”, like they cannot be bothered to attach them to an email. Needless to say, their baby pictures got picked by a marketing company and now their baby has a giant poster selling diapers in China. Get over it you are getting old, go bowling and wear matching shirts with other couples. Favorite application is: “Make a Baby”

7- The Facebook Martyr,
They are the first to tell you they got screwed by Facebook, they hate it and they cannot stop complaining about their privacy. Creepy stalkers are after you, Facebook tells your friends you like chick flicks, your boss is watching you, the FBI has access to your account. But still, you are on Facebook posting the picture from the last party you went to. Profile picture would be either if some pop culture reference or a toast picture. Facebook is like the new mafia once you are in you can never leave alive, it’s impossible to delete the account, but stop trying to act like you fear for your privacy and personal safety. Nobody cares and you are not doing yourself any favors either. Everyone knows people here attempted a Facebook suicide, only to return few weeks later as it turn out they do not have a real life. Favorite application is: “My Fairyland”

[Tarboush Tip: Peppermint Patty]

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You want me to smell what again?

As a tea drinker I cam to appreciate this warm beverage, but I have to admit some people take it too far by taking too much pride in their tea habits.

One morning, a co-worker of mine who shared my love to drinking tea....comes in the morning bragging about this fine tea he got from this exotic shop in Chinatown. It was too early in the morning for that kind of animation.

"Hani, you need to come smell my TEAS!" he yelled. I am guessing the new tea has a certain strong aroma when you open the jar.

I shot back, "No, buddy, I am not gonna smell your TEAS....in face I do not want to come anywhere near your teeZ."

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Random Halloween Ideas

This Halloween, the Tea party should go to Dearborn Michigan where they will surely find a good scare in all those hard working Muslim immigrants living in harmony in one of America's grandest states.

As for the rest of American, they should hit the gym and use that spooky treadmill, and horrifying rowing machine. Yes, the gym is like a haunted house for most Americans nowadays. Chasing the ghosts of fitness might be a good idea. I am going to try to get the first lady Michele Obama to implement my program as she cares a lot about fitness.

Happy Halloween and please avoid that tainted Chinese candy.

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Wadee El Safi Unloads the Wisdom to his Daughter

The really old school legendary Wadee El Safi reminds us he still a living legend. He crafted a sad yet beautiful song about being a father to a daughter and the love and the drama that come in between.

the message is simply the aging father asked he beloved daughter to stick around him as he loves her but he has seen little attention from her as he bore some much trouble for her upbringing yet she seems to have neglected that. He forgives and they make up and becomes buddies again.

Good song, the real winner perhaps is Jad Choury, the most controversial Arabic music video director why he is known for racy music video. He is hoping this directorial work would redeem him.

Wadee El Safi - Ya Benty / وديع الصافي - يا بنتي

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My Crush on John Adams

I have always loved John Adams and his teachings, I love his position on affluenza and I think it's very timely now as we are making China stronger by our addiction to consumption. He is by far one of my all time favorite founding father. But today, I have another reason why I love this man, here it is:

"I never knew a good Dancer good for any Thing else," John Adams said. Of the men who danced well, they gained neither "Sense or Learning, or Virtue for it."

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War is Good for Art

War is horrible, the death and destruction it brings is cruel. No one should have to live it or see it becasue it's inhumane. But as I have seen in a number of gallerias here in DC, the bigger the tragedy in one region, the bigger to turn out for the gallery opening.

1. Artists from countries where they have wars have easier times selling their artwork as more people become interested in their work and in their region. I guess it makes good conversations and bragging rights for those wealthy few.
2. Areas where they have conflicts is a rich topic for feature films, and more A list stars will appear in the movies. Can you tell me how many movies about Nam, Iraq and Afghanistan they have made? There are many becasue there is interest.
3. Documentary films are also popular about regions of conflicts. There are thousands of documentaries about Palestine and Sudan. No one cares to make a movie about Norway or other peaceful nations. It's boring.
4. Play-writers, actors, and painters all can give us better art becasue of the war drama and destruction. Thus wars enrich their senses and brings the best in their emotions as no one can tell a story as a sad person can.

So the next time you see an artist speak against war, you should remind them that they are missing the point a tragedy can offer them as artists.

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Business or Pleasure?

I am wondering the two terrorists with failed attempts to sabotage US airplanes, you know the one with the show and the other with the underwear....

what kind of US visa did they have? Was it work visa? or was it pleasure? technicaly they were on work, but was their work part of their pleasure?

Not sure, but cold blooded jerks like this won't tell!

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Boo @ the Zoo

Today at the zoo, I was pleased with the nice weather and so were many people. Roa and I decided to head to the local zoo to visit our favorite neighbors. It was fun, but I was really surprised by the hight number of Muslim families visiting the zoo. Yes, there are plenty of Muslims here in the DC area, but often when we go to the monuments, we find one or two Muslim families (they wear head covers), but at the zoo we ran into a dozen of them. We ran into Saudis, Lebanese, African, African Americans and Pakistanis....etc.

I know in Gaza, the first thing they smuggled into Gaza is animals and they opened zoos for the public.

Any theories out there?

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Just Take a Bite Already

Maamool or ma'mool is a popular Arabic date filled cookie.

I know realize that ma'amool is a metaphor for college life...as on the crust it looks dull and boring, "been there, done that" until you sink your teeth into it and get to a bite of the date part, things start to look a lot more fun.

Of course that works, but now they make ma'amol with nuts instead of date. But if you are a girl you know you have been on a date with few nuts in your life. NUTS, are a type of people that also exists as part of your college experience!

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