Thursday, April 15, 2010

Retarded Photography

At the end of the day It turn out that celebrities are not the only ones among us who feel like punching photographers, I get that feeling too often and I am not a violent person by any mean. Here few times when I get those feelings as I see tourist attempting to do one of the following

1. Taking pictures of articles at museums, it’s a silly world, every time I go to the Smithsonian here in Washington DC; I want to throw up at the first sight of something taking a picture of an article through the glass window. Most museums have virtual museums so why do you need a crappy picture of an item that you can easily find on the internet? It beats me.

2. We get it, you have a 500 gigabyte external hard drive that you got for Christmas so you feel like it’s not worth it sitting there empty, but that’s no excuse to take silly pictures. Why do you need to take a picture by the Department of Commerce Sign? I mean we already know you are broke intellectually and artistically. And do not even thing about making a gesture with your figure, it is not 2001 anymore. Go back to Wisconsin and preserve your dignity.

3. The White House? You can almost get no good shot of this place without giving the Secret Services a reason to examine your camera and your mental stability. Think about how the President feels, he does not take pictures of your home, why do you feel like he owes you a picture?

4. The Capitol building, really? I mean everyone knows that we hate these people who occupy this building and wish they all on both sides of the aisle vanish. Why do you want to torture yourself by looking at the place where you are constantly robbed you of your hard earned money to build that bridge to nowhere. Do not give the secret service any reason to detain you for taking pictures in sensitive areas

5. Dark places, you know the flash sucks, and if the flash on your awesome camera does not suck, your eyes will end up being red. There is a big chance of random creepy guy playing a cameo role in your picture. Remember, the zits on your face cannot be hidden by the dark.

6. Street signs, other than placing your life of risk of being run over and delaying pedestrians, you may not have heard of the internet. Allow me to remind you that the internet has all these pictures, hell, that’s why the internet was invented for all I care. So next time you have the urge to pull your camera to take a road sign picture, think about it. Just enjoy the vacation, do not worry about documenting it.

7. Stay classy; do not try to make it look if the tall edifice such as, Eiffel Tower, Washington Monument or the Empire States appear as if they are part of your penis…we all know that your dilemma with what you are stuck with. And also you are not holding the leaning tower of Pizza from falling down, how would you like to do that for the rest of your life?

Historical places, history is boring and it will never make you look hot, no one cares anymore about historical sites. In fact the only ones who might care about history are the same ones who do not own a digital camera or a computer. Just enjoy the place and allow others to enjoy.


Bryan on April 15, 2010 at 5:48 PM said...



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